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  1. #11
    Senior Member niffer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elwin_Ransom View Post
    When I have a crush, my world stops. The crush does not let up. Long lasting is definitely the case. Well, of a true crush that is, not some simple acts of flirting. Such a crush tends to cripple me, and, at the same time, make me come alive in a way that I didn't know was possible.
    I thought that this happened to almost everyone. Me too, I guess. But then..a lot of things can do that for me.
    sparkly sparkly rainbow excretions

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    holy shit am I a feeler?
    if you like my avatar, it's because i took it myself! : D

  2. #12
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    I've now gone 18 months without even a slight proximity infatuation. I haven't managed that since I was about 5. It's no kind of solution, but it'll do until I can get my head sorted out. This doesn't really answer the OP.


    When you have a crush, does it last for a long or short unit of time?

    A genuine crush lasts freakin ages. I'm not actually sure if they fully end.

    Do you view your crush as an idealized version of her/himself, oblivious to the real person? Or is it just that you're so forgiving that you don't care about the faults that you see existing?

    I guess I don't idealize them in terms of seeing them possessing better qualities than they actually do, or not possessing negative qualities. And I don't forgive those faults so much as consider myself incapable of judging them. Oscar Wilde said something about beauty being its own form of genius. So when I'm with a crushable girl I feel like the factors I need to take into account before making any kind of judgement are constantly multiplying. Actually, I'm not even sure I recognize the faults or the good qualities in acute crushes. It's like the girl becomes a walking singularity. Time and space, good and evil, right or wrong, irritating or endearing, even attractive and unattractive have no meaning any more. Hopefully this does not sound like a good thing.

    How much does this crush influence your decisions? (As an NT, I think it influences my feelings but not my final decision. It just makes the decision-making-process take longer b/c of all the feeling getting in the way.)

    Final decision? What's that?

  3. #13
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    Final decision? What's that?
    Touche' -- it WAS a silly question, wasn't it?
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  4. #14

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    Quote Originally Posted by Elwin_Ransom View Post
    Can I respond!?

    Here's my take on the matter. When I have a crush, my world stops. The crush does not let up. Long lasting is definitely the case. Well, of a true crush that is, not some simple acts of flirting. Such a crush tends to cripple me, and, at the same time, make me come alive in a way that I didn't know was possible.

    Well, at least that's how things have been with Varelse. Do I see her as idealized? Not really. Objectively, I know she has flaws (sorry to say it, Varelse), but subjectively, I can't help but feel like she is perfect for me. I see her faults, but it's not her faults that are important to me. The love is what is important, the personality, the potential, these are the things that matter to me. These are the things I see. I see the real person, and I love every part of it, including the flaws (the flaws give me hope of being accepted by her since I could never keep up with true perfection ).

    How does this crush (which I don't even consider a crush now) affect decision making? It practically dominates decision making for me. Whether it is feelings or logic that actually decides the specific actions, I find that all decisions stem from my trying to do what I think is best for her. How that affects me becomes irrelevant.

    She's just that awesome.

    Does that help at all?
    Mwahaha! So true! Also most of my crushes are "from afar" crushes that happen when I dont know the person too well. When I do get to know the person, the crush normally diminishes.

  5. #15
    Member Vicki's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    When you have a crush, does it last for a long or short unit of time?

    Do you view your crush as an idealized version of her/himself, oblivious to the real person? Or is it just that you're so forgiving that you don't care about the faults that you see existing?

    How much does this crush influence your decisions? (As an NT, I think it influences my feelings but not my final decision. It just makes the decision-making-process take longer b/c of all the feeling getting in the way.)
    with me? I think it's pretty much I'm very forgiving!

  6. #16
    Senior Member Sahara's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    When you have a crush, does it last for a long or short unit of time?
    Ok, this one is hard to explain, in that I don't actually have crushes on people, infact I am oblivious to men until they begin to pursue me or make their interest known, at which point I will either be into it or not. The last time I had a crush on someone I was 14, and I couldn't bear to be anywhere near the boy responsible for causing butterflies in my stomach as it seemed so out of control a feeling, and I didn't like it.

    I may think a man is attractive, funny, smart, but I don;t develop crushes that I am aware of. I admire from a far, but not in the same way as a crush in which girls are like "I really realy like him, I want to ask him out"

    However once (through being made aware) you have my attention and a crush (if you want to call it that) develops for me, it truthfully varies as to how long it lasts, I could lose interest rapidly, as sad to say my interest is only a match to what I am being shown. (the poem below describes my love/crush)

    Do you view your crush as an idealized version of her/himself, oblivious to the real person? Or is it just that you're so forgiving that you don't care about the faults that you see existing?
    I have only ever idealised/forgave/empathised with one man in my life, my ex husband, everybody else I lost interest in within a few months as I refuse to be rejected/hurt and would dump anyone at the first sign of not matching up to what I idealised, I didn't allow myself to form attachments so it was easy.

    With my ex husband, that was when I became the ultimate idealist, projecting my feelings onto him, confusing myself that they were reciprocated in the exact same way. So it's not that I didn;t see the flaws or the faults, it's that I empathised with his past and the reasons he was the way he is, hence I forgave often hoping to heal him through the power of my love lol (naive)

    How much does this crush influence your decisions? (As an NT, I think it influences my feelings but not my final decision. It just makes the decision-making-process take longer b/c of all the feeling getting in the way.)
    It heavily influences my decisions, I seriously prayed to allah/god to remove my feelings for him completely, I prayed for that often, as it would have made leaving that much easier. Fi is phooey at times you know lol


    If You Forget Me


    I want you to know
    one thing.

    You know how this is:
    if I look
    at the crystal moon, at the red branch
    of the slow autumn at my window,
    if I touch
    near the fire
    the impalpable ash
    or the wrinkled body of the log,
    everything carries me to you,
    as if everything that exists,
    aromas, light, metals,
    were little boats
    that sail
    toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

    Well, now,
    if little by little you stop loving me
    I shall stop loving you little by little.

    If suddenly
    you forget me
    do not look for me,
    for I shall already have forgotten you.


    If you think it long and mad,
    the wind of banners
    that passes through my life,
    and you decide
    to leave me at the shore
    of the heart where I have roots,
    remember
    that on that day,
    at that hour,
    I shall lift my arms
    and my roots will set off
    to seek another land.

    But
    if each day,
    each hour,
    you feel that you are destined for me
    with implacable sweetness,
    if each day a flower
    climbs up to your lips to seek me,
    ah my love, ah my own,
    in me all that fire is repeated,
    in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
    my love feeds on your love, beloved,
    and as long as you live it will be in your arms
    without leaving mine.

    Pablo Neruda


    That is how my desire goes.
    "No one can be free of the chains that surround them"

  7. #17
    Resident Snot-Nose GZA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    When you have a crush, does it last for a long or short unit of time?
    Very long usually... sometimes a whole year, even if I don't talk to them much or at all... I've even gone months without seeing them and still having feelings, but they eventually faded away. I guess that thing it wasn't so much a crush but more like my heart had been captured by some beacon of feminin beauty... I didn't so much have feelings for the girl as a whole, for her personality and everything, but just the image could not escape me. Even when I see her now it sticks with me for a little while

    I do sometimes have weird things that only last about a week or so...

    Do you view your crush as an idealized version of her/himself, oblivious to the real person? Or is it just that you're so forgiving that you don't care about the faults that you see existing?
    I don't idealize to the point the problems go away... the problems and flaws are seen as good things because its part of what makes people human, and I'm obsessed with humanity and the good and bad. If the faults are actual, serious faults (like the person is stupid or annoying) than it will kill it for sure, but if the faults are more insignificant, they almost have charm to them.

    How much does this crush influence your decisions? (As an NT, I think it influences my feelings but not my final decision. It just makes the decision-making-process take longer b/c of all the feeling getting in the way.)
    I don't think it really influences my decisions. Its more like... my imagination runs wild all the time, so I'll always be thinking of whatever girl it is at the time, but my actual actions are not changed.

  8. #18
    Junior Member DarkestRose's Avatar
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    I don’t get crushes very often. I have had less than a handful of real crushes. The first lasted two years, the second three-to-four years, and I’ve another that I think is actually much deeper than just a crush (and the first to be responded to mutually), but there is a crush-element, so I will count it anyway.

    I know that I used to idealize my crushes into what I thought of as a “perfect person” (which often meant an ENFP or ENFJ type). But I have resolved to stop doing that now just because I want to feel like I am being objective. But I suppose if I were to be honest, I still struggle with idealizing to some extent.

    I think crushes can influence my decision. More so now than previous crushes because now I will think, “How does (X situation) affect our relationship?” And I will work toward maintaining it while trying to maintain congruency in core beliefs.

  9. #19
    heart on fire
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    It has been ages since I had a "crush" but when I was between 13-16 I could elevate a crush to the level of a religious experience. The longest one I had was two years.

    I sort of look back on these as being more animus projection in constrast to being really about the person I was crushing on.

  10. #20
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    Crushes are nothing more than idealized version of the individual. Unfortunately, because it is so flawless, most of us NFs fail to recognize/downplay the bad habits in that person. Since we refuse to acknowledge the problems... crushes are extremely long lasting. At least that's my experience of it. =/

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