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  1. #21
    Senor Membrane
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mighty Mouse View Post
    I'm an ENFP female trying my best to get to know an INFP. I really like him and I initiate most of the time. However, I think what you might not realize is that although I will go ahead and initiate, it is still a very vulnerable spot. I perhaps have more practice but it isn't any less scary. I wonder if I am bothering him or if he doesn't want to talk since he isn't initiating. I don't feel any security because I do most of the reaching out... I wonder what I should do all the time too.

    Do you INFP that don't initiate but want to realize that it is hard those of us that do?

    I don't know if he realizes it or not...
    If he doesn't want you around, he will vanish. Even if INFPs don't like to make people sad, they will do what's necessary to get away from relationships that they don't enjoy. So, I think you're fine with him.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    If he doesn't want you around, he will vanish. Even if INFPs don't like to make people sad, they will do what's necessary to get away from relationships that they don't enjoy. So, I think you're fine with him.
    I appreciate the feedback. Thanks!

  3. #23
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mighty Mouse View Post
    Do you INFP that don't initiate but want to realize that it is hard those of us that do?

    I don't know if he realizes it or not...
    Sadly, he is probably too worried about his own feelings to really consider how stressful initiating is for you.

    Undeveloped INFPs can be a bit of a pain in the ass to those that are romantically interested in us. I'm surprised anyone puts up with us!

  4. #24
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
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    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
    - Albert Einstein

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mighty Mouse View Post
    I'm an ENFP female trying my best to get to know an INFP. I really like him and I initiate most of the time. However, I think what you might not realize is that although I will go ahead and initiate, it is still a very vulnerable spot. I perhaps have more practice but it isn't any less scary. I wonder if I am bothering him or if he doesn't want to talk since he isn't initiating. I don't feel any security because I do most of the reaching out... I wonder what I should do all the time too.

    Do you INFP that don't initiate but want to realize that it is hard those of us that do?

    I don't know if he realizes it or not...
    Have you tried telling him directly that you wonder if he is interested since you are doing all the initiating?

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by nolla
    I tell this to myself also, but it seems like a rationalization more than the real source of the low initiative.
    You are right. A general fear of rejection is the source of my misanthropy.

  7. #27
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    Have you tried telling him directly that you wonder if he is interested since you are doing all the initiating?
    I think the more important question is if he says he isn't interested is he actually not interested.
    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
    - Albert Einstein

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by DigitalMethod View Post
    I think the more important question is if he says he isn't interested is he actually not interested.
    If he says he isn't interested, I'd believe him and move on, because if he is interested and saying he isn't, then he's just playing games and it's going to be one long headache to deal with. Better he learn not to play coy games. I learned that much at 15! Hard lesson..never forgot it.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    Yes, this is the feeling that crawls in from somewhere and keeps me from going open. I do know that very few people would find me annoying, but still, the feeling doesn't completely go away except with good friends.
    I tend to behave in a similar way. "Opening up" with people requires that you take on (so to speak) a certain amount of vulnerability, and the level of said vulnerability becomes greater when the person(s) that you are opening up to are not as familiar to you as, say, a best-friend-since-second-grade or a close sibling. It boils down, I think, to a general distrust of people. If I trusted that people would not (1) use the information that I give them against me at a later time, or (2) reject me outright, then I'd probably be less aloof. As it is, I cannot seem to overcome either of those two fears (with #2 being especially present).


    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    I'd like to hear more opinions about this thing, since it is so weird. Is there an automatic reaction in us that always chooses the self-preservation? I mean, is it the result of the type, or is it unhealthy behaviour that is just more probable in INFPs?
    Since I believe that I am an INTP, and I also tend to behave in this way, I'd say that it's probably some sort of pan-introvert (unhealthy) behavior.
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  10. #30
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    I rarely take overtures of friendship seriously. I show very little of myself to people even in friendly settings (though probably not as little as I think), so I don't ever really think people like me when they show evidence of doing so. That prevents me from responding much to friendship initiatives from others. Instead I feel a vague, nagging guilt at having mislead someone with whatever persona I had inadvertently assumed in such a way as to deem me friendworthy. It's really a much more reasonable guilt than it probably sounds like, I swear.

    As for why I don't initiate friendships much, I guess I've never really needed to for most of my life. I've had all the friends I needed or wanted. Honestly.

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