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  1. #11
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    I've managed to do this on my own IRL. I usually start to talk to someone, try something light and based on their reaction I either stick around or let the conversation die off.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  2. #12
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Yeah, I've become much better at initiating as I grow older.

    I think male INFPs in particular have to learn how to initiate more than their female counterparts.

  3. #13
    Senor Membrane
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dwigie View Post
    True, I'm pretty passive out of insecurity usually or because I always wonder if jumping in is a good idea. You could have bit me!) and I've been trying to work on that but being open and letting myself be vulnerable doesn't come naturally even with my closest friends it sometimes still pops up. I think a lot of people, maybe not just infps are this "self-preserving" if that's the right word?
    Jung wrote that introverts are self-preserving personality.

    Quote Originally Posted by disregard View Post
    I don't have a need for people in my personal life, so I do not initiate friendships. I meant to say most people. I am interested in quality, not quantity.
    I tell this to myself also, but it seems like a rationalization more than the real source of the low initiative.

    Quote Originally Posted by sade View Post
    "What if they actually loath me and find me annoying?" I don't know what they think of me and thus I don't normally want to risk receiving the mental slap on the face that I've received sometimes. My sense of humour and retorts are the thing that I'm most open about, that sometimes works as a conversation starter, but that's not iniating things in my opinion. I'm slow with people, I need sometime to figure them out before anything.
    Yes, this is the feeling that crawls in from somewhere and keeps me from going open. I do know that very few people would find me annoying, but still, the feeling doesn't completely go away except with good friends.

    Quote Originally Posted by sade View Post
    And couple of times I've done that on purpose, I had a feeling that I was being taken advantage of and stopped taking iniative and what do you know? I was right. Long story.
    Yeah, this is probably pretty big thing. My intuitions are often right about people, so it keeps me from them if I don't have "good vibes" about them. The question is, should I keep them away If they don't give me good vibes, or should I make initiative only if they give me good vibes? There is a blur line here...

    Quote Originally Posted by sade View Post
    I've actually had to lear how to make the iniative, since I don't like feeling lonely, now I'm trying to learn putting that in use in not so close relationships. I'm weird.
    Me too. I wonder if this is common experience among introverts?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tropics View Post
    The last part about being careful with even close friends is true, I don't do it all the time but sometimes out of the blue I'll just choose not to open up about something with my best friend of 10 years, she always complains about this and feels hurt which makes me feel like crap. yeah we have issues but what type doesn't?
    I'd like to hear more opinions about this thing, since it is so weird. Is there an automatic reaction in us that always chooses the self-preservation? I mean, is it the result of the type, or is it unhealthy behaviour that is just more probable in INFPs?

    Quote Originally Posted by Leysing View Post
    If I'm friends with someone, we'll be close friends, and being close friends with many people would be really exhausting especially for an introvert.
    This is a good point. Is it even possible for an INFP to have real many good friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    I guess being Ne primary just means I need people so much it drives me to overcome it more often and force myself out anyway. This does mean that I have an ongoing feeling that I'm annoying everyone and everyone wishes I'd just shut up and go away. A feeling that'd be hugely allayed by some of those people coming to me of their own volition sometimes which, thankfully, they do.
    There could be a difference between your Ne and my Ne, since to you it is primary. My Fi should probably make me feel the I-will-only-annoy-them feeling more intensely.

    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    However, have you thought that the person you're not initiating with out of fear that you're annoying them, is actually afraid of the same thing and the fact that they always initiate with you but you don't initiate back only seems to confirm to them the idea that they're just annoying you and you wouldn't by choice want to be with them?
    Yes, this is why I usually want to be seen approachable.

    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    I think male INFPs in particular have to learn how to initiate more than their female counterparts.
    Why?

  4. #14
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Society generally expects men to initiate in relationships, especially romantic relationships.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    Society generally expects men to initiate in relationships, especially romantic relationships.
    Ah, yes, of course.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Flush's Avatar
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    Actually the 'passive' part about INFP's, I have to admit I do see them as being pretty passive in that they never tend to really initiate things - anything - and can let friendship after friendship slip through their fingers because the other person just got sick of always having to be the one to initiate contact.
    Yeah, I can relate to this... It feels like it's not worth any effort to initiate things when others probably do it for you. If they don't, I'm fine by myself.

    I don't want to be this way though, since it feels so selfish. I have to try to look at it from their point of view...
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  7. #17
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    It doesn't sound anymore selfish than seeking friends because you just want to talk (or whatever the reason for extroverts to make friends so much ).

  8. #18
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    I'm an ENFP female trying my best to get to know an INFP. I really like him and I initiate most of the time. However, I think what you might not realize is that although I will go ahead and initiate, it is still a very vulnerable spot. I perhaps have more practice but it isn't any less scary. I wonder if I am bothering him or if he doesn't want to talk since he isn't initiating. I don't feel any security because I do most of the reaching out... I wonder what I should do all the time too.

    Do you INFP that don't initiate but want to realize that it is hard those of us that do?

    I don't know if he realizes it or not...

  9. #19
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    ^That's common with INFPs, and another ENFP here posted almost exactly the same thing you did.

    They're very tough to read because of their silently friendly shell.

  10. #20
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    I believe we all should be who we are and accept each other as we come. I enjoy who he is and appreciate what he brings to the relationship.

    I realize that those of us that are a bit more expressive and a bit louder perhaps get more attention but that doesn't change the fact that we all have amazing things to offer each other. If what I bring is more of the initiating and what he brings as an INFP is more off the stability then that's not too shabby...

    Hopefully, as we even on this forum get to know more about the different types the gap between the fear to initiate and taking the chance will lessen for all of us. The goal will just be to connect when we want to and to respect each other's space when it's needed.

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