• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[ENFJ] Why are ENFJ's afraid to reflect- what are the type of dark thoughts they avoid??

ladypinkington

Rubber Nipple Salesperson
Joined
Jul 19, 2007
Messages
1,126
MBTI Type
INFJ
I would very much like to understand what an ENFJ's experiences in this case.
 

MissUnderstood

New member
Joined
Aug 26, 2008
Messages
10
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
I wouldnt say we're afraid to reflect. I reflect all the time... maybe too much and I dont avoid any certain thoughts. But I don't allow myself to think on a "dark" thought for to long or else I'll get depressed. As an ENFJ if I spend TOO MUCH time by myself reflecting on all of my thoughts I can very easily get depressed. I need to be around People!!! :) And "dark thoughts" would probably be (for me) anything having to do with past regrets, or things about my personality that I dont really like... I dont know.. My dark thoughts have more to do with me then other people and they're usually negative.
 

LadyJaye

Scream down the boulevard
Joined
Nov 6, 2007
Messages
2,062
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
ENFJ twin sister reflects constantly, ruminates even. I have to encourage her to stop mulling her thoughts over so much because she tends to capacitate. In fact, she has a much easier time dwelling on dark thoughts than most other people I know.
 

ThatsWhatHeSaid

Well-known member
Joined
May 11, 2007
Messages
7,263
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
How many people really have the strength to reflect on what's really going on with them, and who they really are, without trying to disturb, guide, or control that process? *shrug*
 

LadyJaye

Scream down the boulevard
Joined
Nov 6, 2007
Messages
2,062
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
How many people really have the strength to reflect on what's really going on with them, and who they really are, without trying to disturb, guide, or control that process? *shrug*

It can be a scary process. I imagine all human beings need control of something, especially when it involves their inner lives. A life that travels with you at all times, and one that you cannot escape from. If it's in turmoil, there isn't any rest.
 

ThatsWhatHeSaid

Well-known member
Joined
May 11, 2007
Messages
7,263
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
It can be a scary process. I imagine all human beings need control of something, especially when it involves their inner lives. A life that travels with you at all times, and one that you cannot escape from. If it's in turmoil, there isn't any rest.

I'm starting to see how the attempt to control the turmoil is a major cause of the turmoil. There's a book about Zen called "That which you are seeking is causing you to seek." Purtty cool, imo.

Anyway, to get back on topic, I think this is a quality that extends beyond type.
 
Last edited:

proteanmix

Plumage and Moult
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
5,514
Enneagram
1w2
How many people really have the strength to reflect on what's really going on with them, and who they really are, without trying to disturb, guide, or control that process? *shrug*

That's what I thought about this question...it made it difficult to answer because it kind of implied that others are less afraid to reflect or something.
 

ladypinkington

Rubber Nipple Salesperson
Joined
Jul 19, 2007
Messages
1,126
MBTI Type
INFJ
That's what I thought about this question...it made it difficult to answer because it kind of implied that others are less afraid to reflect or something.

I asked this question because of an ENFJ saying to me that they are afraid to reflect and gave me the impression that that was common for their type. I have heard about avoiding "dark thoughts" and was just curious what that looked like for ENFJ's-especially since ENFJ's that I have met are so incredibly positive and idealistic- I was curious to see what they considered as dark thoughts and how they experience reflection.

I didn't mean to make it sound like ENFJ's are alone in this.
 

Jack Flak

Permabanned
Joined
Jul 17, 2008
Messages
9,098
MBTI Type
type
How many people really have the strength to reflect on what's really going on with them, and who they really are, without trying to disturb, guide, or control that process? *shrug*
It takes a real Serious Business son of a gun, let me tell you.
 

The_Liquid_Laser

Glowy Goopy Goodness
Joined
Jul 11, 2007
Messages
3,376
MBTI Type
ENTP
I think there are people among all of the extraverted types that do not stop and reflect on things enough, but the reasons for why vary by type.
 

Lookin4theBestNU

New member
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
801
MBTI Type
ENFj
Enneagram
2w3
I'm not afraid to reflect on an issue but I am afraid to dwell on one especially if it's negative. The energy produced from negativity takes its toll on me quickly. It will be let out in one form or another. Controlling that energy is important to me and I would rather avoid it. The dark thoughts I am sure are different for most of us and every ENFJ is a bit different. Mine used to go as far as being suicidal....its idealism turned all wrong. It can be strangely seductive. I am not sure what else to say or if I answered your question.
 

proteanmix

Plumage and Moult
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
5,514
Enneagram
1w2
I asked this question because of an ENFJ saying to me that they are afraid to reflect and gave me the impression that that was common for their type. I have heard about avoiding "dark thoughts" and was just curious what that looked like for ENFJ's-especially since ENFJ's that I have met are so incredibly positive and idealistic- I was curious to see what they considered as dark thoughts and how they experience reflection.

I didn't mean to make it sound like ENFJ's are alone in this.

Well I know there are places in myself I don't go, but I'm aware of their existence like that creepy house on the end of the block. I just prefer not to dwell on them. I don't see what excessive ruminating on negative aspects of myself will do. I don't like to wallow in my sorrows.
 

Mondo

Welcome to Sunnyside
Joined
Mar 1, 2008
Messages
1,992
MBTI Type
EsTP
Enneagram
6w7
Based on type stereotypes, which are often false, the ENFJ would be afraid to reflect because they like to see themselves as a 'messiah' type and upon reflection.. the idea of them being a messiah will seem more fake not to others BUT to themselves.
 

Usehername

On a mission
Joined
May 30, 2007
Messages
3,794
I know two ENFJs really well who rely on their exceptional/typical (whichever way you want to look at it) ENFJ skills to carry them past their flaws, and their flaws don't get the proper attention they deserve because Fe/Ni can carry them almost anywhere.

Hurts long term, but they sure can worm through any short-term issue.
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I brood constantly and must be prevailed upon by outside sources.
 

ladypinkington

Rubber Nipple Salesperson
Joined
Jul 19, 2007
Messages
1,126
MBTI Type
INFJ
why is reflection a negative thing- can't reflection be a sort of way to stop and smell the roses in retrospect kind of thing. Like looking back at a movie scene and studying it in a freeze frame.

Where is the objective viewing of the art of our lifes and who we are- just learning?

I only say this because I am often under the impression that reflection seems to be a bad thing- a scary thing.
 

heart

heart on fire
Joined
May 19, 2007
Messages
8,456
why is reflection a negative thing- can't reflection be a sort of way to stop and smell the roses in retrospect kind of thing. Like looking back at a movie scene and studying it in a freeze frame.

Where is the objective viewing of the art of our lifes and who we are- just learning?

I only say this because I am often under the impression that reflection seems to be a bad thing- a scary thing.

Different people see things differently. I am an unflinching reflector, every dark part of me goes under the microscope and agonized over and it a bittersweet private pleasure even and goodness, you've read my private blog! :eek:

We have to appreciate people as they are and accept the differences. I'd tend to think that most healthy extroverts spend an adequate amount of time reflecting but not as much as us introverts and that it is totally okay for them because they don't need the down time to self charge as much as the introvert.
 

SolitaryWalker

Tenured roisterer
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
3,504
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
I would very much like to understand what an ENFJ's experiences in this case.

The lower the function, the more negative it is. The lower it is, the less we use it. The less we use it, the less comfortable we are with it.

Introverted Thinking is concerned with deep thinking, especially in relation to ourselves. This is what the EFJs have the most negative attitude towards.
 

proteanmix

Plumage and Moult
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
5,514
Enneagram
1w2
why is reflection a negative thing- can't reflection be a sort of way to stop and smell the roses in retrospect kind of thing. Like looking back at a movie scene and studying it in a freeze frame.

Where is the objective viewing of the art of our lifes and who we are- just learning?

I only say this because I am often under the impression that reflection seems to be a bad thing- a scary thing.

Well for one, I think you're hitting I/E differences. I'm not going to use the word reflect because you're right, that's not necessarily bad. It depends on what I'm introspecting on more than likely when I introspect it turns negative. Which is why I assumed negative when you asked if ENFJs reflect. When I reflect about how my day went or a conversation with someone, that's pretty neutral. I thought you were asking how do we reflect about ourselves which doesn't not tend to be a good experience. But sometimes it has to be done to figure out some aspects of yourself, but it's not particularly pleasant.

Notice what pink says, she says when she reflects about herself she tends to brood. Brooding means to dwell on a subject or to meditate with morbid persistence. Extroverts tend to experience their interiority negatively just as introverts tend to experience the outside world negatively. Basically that means that I don't sink into myself the way introverts do. And that's not a bad thing and it doesn't mean I avoid thinking why I am the way I am, or why I do the things I do, or why I think the way I think. But if you're asking if I'm constantly taking an conscious temperature on those things, no I don't. But that's what makes me an extrovert, I suppose. I am more extrospective than introspective (introspective meaning considering my internal state or feelings), simply because I find that easier and a more interesting thing to do. Just as I'm sure you find it easier and more pleasant to introspect than extrospect.

But I'm still not sure what you mean when you say reflect (or do you mean reflective?). I have a cluster of words in my mind when you say reflect: introspect, self-examination, self-aware. On this forum, it's assumed that being an introvert automatically makes one better at those things than being an extrovert. But there are clusters of positive traits that go along with being an extrovert that aren't really exalted here. So I'm not sure what you mean when you say ENFJs don't like to reflect or be self-aware because I think you can be self-aware through extroversion as well.
 
Top