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  1. #1
    Rubber Nipple Salesperson ladypinkington's Avatar
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    Default Why are ENFJ's afraid to reflect- what are the type of dark thoughts they avoid??

    I would very much like to understand what an ENFJ's experiences in this case.
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  2. #2
    Junior Member MissUnderstood's Avatar
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    I wouldnt say we're afraid to reflect. I reflect all the time... maybe too much and I dont avoid any certain thoughts. But I don't allow myself to think on a "dark" thought for to long or else I'll get depressed. As an ENFJ if I spend TOO MUCH time by myself reflecting on all of my thoughts I can very easily get depressed. I need to be around People!!! And "dark thoughts" would probably be (for me) anything having to do with past regrets, or things about my personality that I dont really like... I dont know.. My dark thoughts have more to do with me then other people and they're usually negative.

  3. #3
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    ENFJ twin sister reflects constantly, ruminates even. I have to encourage her to stop mulling her thoughts over so much because she tends to capacitate. In fact, she has a much easier time dwelling on dark thoughts than most other people I know.

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    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    How many people really have the strength to reflect on what's really going on with them, and who they really are, without trying to disturb, guide, or control that process? *shrug*

  5. #5
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    How many people really have the strength to reflect on what's really going on with them, and who they really are, without trying to disturb, guide, or control that process? *shrug*
    It can be a scary process. I imagine all human beings need control of something, especially when it involves their inner lives. A life that travels with you at all times, and one that you cannot escape from. If it's in turmoil, there isn't any rest.

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    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    It can be a scary process. I imagine all human beings need control of something, especially when it involves their inner lives. A life that travels with you at all times, and one that you cannot escape from. If it's in turmoil, there isn't any rest.
    I'm starting to see how the attempt to control the turmoil is a major cause of the turmoil. There's a book about Zen called "That which you are seeking is causing you to seek." Purtty cool, imo.

    Anyway, to get back on topic, I think this is a quality that extends beyond type.
    Last edited by ThatsWhatHeSaid; 08-27-2008 at 11:23 AM. Reason: fixed title!

  7. #7
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    How many people really have the strength to reflect on what's really going on with them, and who they really are, without trying to disturb, guide, or control that process? *shrug*
    That's what I thought about this question...it made it difficult to answer because it kind of implied that others are less afraid to reflect or something.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
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  8. #8
    Rubber Nipple Salesperson ladypinkington's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    That's what I thought about this question...it made it difficult to answer because it kind of implied that others are less afraid to reflect or something.
    I asked this question because of an ENFJ saying to me that they are afraid to reflect and gave me the impression that that was common for their type. I have heard about avoiding "dark thoughts" and was just curious what that looked like for ENFJ's-especially since ENFJ's that I have met are so incredibly positive and idealistic- I was curious to see what they considered as dark thoughts and how they experience reflection.

    I didn't mean to make it sound like ENFJ's are alone in this.
    Me and hubby made an RPG Nutrition Game
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  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    How many people really have the strength to reflect on what's really going on with them, and who they really are, without trying to disturb, guide, or control that process? *shrug*
    It takes a real Serious Business son of a gun, let me tell you.

  10. #10
    Glowy Goopy Goodness The_Liquid_Laser's Avatar
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    I think there are people among all of the extraverted types that do not stop and reflect on things enough, but the reasons for why vary by type.
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