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  1. #11
    Senior Member Lookin4theBestNU's Avatar
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    I'm not afraid to reflect on an issue but I am afraid to dwell on one especially if it's negative. The energy produced from negativity takes its toll on me quickly. It will be let out in one form or another. Controlling that energy is important to me and I would rather avoid it. The dark thoughts I am sure are different for most of us and every ENFJ is a bit different. Mine used to go as far as being suicidal....its idealism turned all wrong. It can be strangely seductive. I am not sure what else to say or if I answered your question.
    "At points of clarity, I realize that my life on earth is meaningless, and that I am merely a pawn in a bigger game. A game I cannot possibly understand or have control of. Thankfully, before depression sets in, I drift back into my cloudy, bewildered daily routine." **Joel Patrick Warneke**

  2. #12
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ladypinkington View Post
    I asked this question because of an ENFJ saying to me that they are afraid to reflect and gave me the impression that that was common for their type. I have heard about avoiding "dark thoughts" and was just curious what that looked like for ENFJ's-especially since ENFJ's that I have met are so incredibly positive and idealistic- I was curious to see what they considered as dark thoughts and how they experience reflection.

    I didn't mean to make it sound like ENFJ's are alone in this.
    Well I know there are places in myself I don't go, but I'm aware of their existence like that creepy house on the end of the block. I just prefer not to dwell on them. I don't see what excessive ruminating on negative aspects of myself will do. I don't like to wallow in my sorrows.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  3. #13
    Welcome to Sunnyside Mondo's Avatar
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    Based on type stereotypes, which are often false, the ENFJ would be afraid to reflect because they like to see themselves as a 'messiah' type and upon reflection.. the idea of them being a messiah will seem more fake not to others BUT to themselves.
    MBTI Type: iNTj
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  4. #14
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    I know two ENFJs really well who rely on their exceptional/typical (whichever way you want to look at it) ENFJ skills to carry them past their flaws, and their flaws don't get the proper attention they deserve because Fe/Ni can carry them almost anywhere.

    Hurts long term, but they sure can worm through any short-term issue.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  5. #15
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    I brood constantly and must be prevailed upon by outside sources.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    I brood constantly and must be prevailed upon by outside sources.
    *always prevails* You're welcome.

  7. #17
    Rubber Nipple Salesperson ladypinkington's Avatar
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    why is reflection a negative thing- can't reflection be a sort of way to stop and smell the roses in retrospect kind of thing. Like looking back at a movie scene and studying it in a freeze frame.

    Where is the objective viewing of the art of our lifes and who we are- just learning?

    I only say this because I am often under the impression that reflection seems to be a bad thing- a scary thing.
    Me and hubby made an RPG Nutrition Game
    Play and Vote July 14th to Aug 14th
    http://www.appsforhealthykids.com/ap...ing-vegetables

  8. #18
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by ladypinkington View Post
    why is reflection a negative thing- can't reflection be a sort of way to stop and smell the roses in retrospect kind of thing. Like looking back at a movie scene and studying it in a freeze frame.

    Where is the objective viewing of the art of our lifes and who we are- just learning?

    I only say this because I am often under the impression that reflection seems to be a bad thing- a scary thing.
    Different people see things differently. I am an unflinching reflector, every dark part of me goes under the microscope and agonized over and it a bittersweet private pleasure even and goodness, you've read my private blog! :eek:

    We have to appreciate people as they are and accept the differences. I'd tend to think that most healthy extroverts spend an adequate amount of time reflecting but not as much as us introverts and that it is totally okay for them because they don't need the down time to self charge as much as the introvert.

  9. #19
    Tenured roisterer SolitaryWalker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ladypinkington View Post
    I would very much like to understand what an ENFJ's experiences in this case.
    The lower the function, the more negative it is. The lower it is, the less we use it. The less we use it, the less comfortable we are with it.

    Introverted Thinking is concerned with deep thinking, especially in relation to ourselves. This is what the EFJs have the most negative attitude towards.
    "Do not argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." -- Mark Twain

    “No man but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money.”---Samuel Johnson

    My blog: www.randommeanderings123.blogspot.com/

  10. #20
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ladypinkington View Post
    why is reflection a negative thing- can't reflection be a sort of way to stop and smell the roses in retrospect kind of thing. Like looking back at a movie scene and studying it in a freeze frame.

    Where is the objective viewing of the art of our lifes and who we are- just learning?

    I only say this because I am often under the impression that reflection seems to be a bad thing- a scary thing.
    Well for one, I think you're hitting I/E differences. I'm not going to use the word reflect because you're right, that's not necessarily bad. It depends on what I'm introspecting on more than likely when I introspect it turns negative. Which is why I assumed negative when you asked if ENFJs reflect. When I reflect about how my day went or a conversation with someone, that's pretty neutral. I thought you were asking how do we reflect about ourselves which doesn't not tend to be a good experience. But sometimes it has to be done to figure out some aspects of yourself, but it's not particularly pleasant.

    Notice what pink says, she says when she reflects about herself she tends to brood. Brooding means to dwell on a subject or to meditate with morbid persistence. Extroverts tend to experience their interiority negatively just as introverts tend to experience the outside world negatively. Basically that means that I don't sink into myself the way introverts do. And that's not a bad thing and it doesn't mean I avoid thinking why I am the way I am, or why I do the things I do, or why I think the way I think. But if you're asking if I'm constantly taking an conscious temperature on those things, no I don't. But that's what makes me an extrovert, I suppose. I am more extrospective than introspective (introspective meaning considering my internal state or feelings), simply because I find that easier and a more interesting thing to do. Just as I'm sure you find it easier and more pleasant to introspect than extrospect.

    But I'm still not sure what you mean when you say reflect (or do you mean reflective?). I have a cluster of words in my mind when you say reflect: introspect, self-examination, self-aware. On this forum, it's assumed that being an introvert automatically makes one better at those things than being an extrovert. But there are clusters of positive traits that go along with being an extrovert that aren't really exalted here. So I'm not sure what you mean when you say ENFJs don't like to reflect or be self-aware because I think you can be self-aware through extroversion as well.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

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