[INFP] Help me survive INFP Silent Treatment!

[lithasblot]

Hello!

My S.O. of 7 mos. and I got into a disagreement almost a week ago. I didn't agree with her explanation of something and said that her theory seemed illogical.

I realize now this was a huge mistake-- she was seeking something other than me correcting her thinking, that's for sure. I can see that now! I needed to be empathetic rather than argumentative.

Anyway, she's been giving me the silent treatment (no replies to texts, emails, phone calls) for six days now and this is really painful for me because we were in daily contact.

I left her alone for a day, then I sent her a brief text apology. Then I texted once per day (innocuous "hope you're doing okay" texts) for about 3 days and called once to see how she was doing (it went unanswered, I left a voicemail). I have now left her completely alone for two days.

She has withdrawn before, but never for this long. Usually for a day and most of the time she gives me a heads up, like, "I need some time." But I'm getting nothing this time. Stone. Wall.

Help! What course of action would you recommend?

Continue to leave her alone completely?
Continue to show care by sending 1 text or making 1 call per day?
Break up with her?
Send longer apology letter (I wrote it today but have not sent it)?

She's in her late 20s, INFP. I'm an ENFP/J. Most of the time, though the T does show up strong in me (unfortunately, in this situation, it did).

Thanks!

 

[Gawain]

No idea what is going on from her end. :-/ As an INFP guy, I can't say I've ever given anyone the silent treatment. But, as a guy, I can say that I've been dumped that way by a girl that was 19 or 20 at the time. (Can't remember which, as it was a long time ago and I was the same age.) At the time, I expressed confusion and concern much as you have here. And my friends who were girls unanimously agreed that it would be "creepy" for me to keep contacting her, and I should just wait for a reply. After 2 weeks of silence, it was agreed that I had been dumped. Hope this helps somehow, but perhaps someone else can share some insight as to how this works. After experiencing that breakup, I swore to always be straightforward and forthcoming with bad news so as to get it over with as quickly as possible. But without that experience, I imagine I might behave very differently.

 

[Ovid]

Sorry, but it looks like you've been dumped.

 

[Duffy]

What was the disagreement about and what did you say to her? "Your theory seems illogical" doesn't strike me as something worth getting offended over. There must be more to the story.

 

[xenaprincess]

In terms of advice on how to deal with her, I'd advise sending something like, 'please let me know how you are doing\where we stand, out of respect for our friendship', and then just leave it at that.

I can see this occurring with an INFP who is unhealthy, that is, self-absorbed with her feelings and unaware of her impact on others. It is very immature and unkind. I wish you luck!

 

[Forever]

I'd just leave her alone. If it is a relationship, I'm pretty sure she'll come back to you with an answer. It just might be a while though.

 

[Qlip]

I was in a long term relationship with an INFP e9, conflict was always just silence. If you give her time, she may come around. But honestly, it's not going to be a strong relationship if both sides aren't able to voice their own grievances and aren't equally willing to work to keep the relationship. If it always falls to one person, it's going to be a long, cold ride.

 

[ceecee]

Hello!

My S.O. of 7 mos. and I got into a disagreement almost a week ago. I didn't agree with her explanation of something and said that her theory seemed illogical.

I realize now this was a huge mistake-- she was seeking something other than me correcting her thinking, that's for sure. I can see that now! I needed to be empathetic rather than argumentative.

Anyway, she's been giving me the silent treatment (no replies to texts, emails, phone calls) for six days now and this is really painful for me because we were in daily contact.

I left her alone for a day, then I sent her a brief text apology. Then I texted once per day (innocuous "hope you're doing okay" texts) for about 3 days and called once to see how she was doing (it went unanswered, I left a voicemail). I have now left her completely alone for two days.

She has withdrawn before, but never for this long. Usually for a day and most of the time she gives me a heads up, like, "I need some time." But I'm getting nothing this time. Stone. Wall.

Help! What course of action would you recommend?

Continue to leave her alone completely?
Continue to show care by sending 1 text or making 1 call per day?
Break up with her?
Send longer apology letter (I wrote it today but have not sent it)?

She's in her late 20s, INFP. I'm an ENFP/J. Most of the time, though the T does show up strong in me (unfortunately, in this situation, it did).

Thanks!

If it were me, I'd track her ass down and have it out with her. One thing I can tell you is in these sorts of situations, the meek never survive. They don't. You go deal with the problem. Even for ENFP's - if they want something or are passionate about something - they'll go get it.

If this is a strictly online relationship, disregard everything I've just said.

 

[prplchknz]

its possible she lost your number. that's happened to me where my phone broke or some really stupid shit and lost all of my contacts and i had people i needed to call but couldn't cuz i had none of their info and if they had called me, it would've been fine. and now i'm forever a jerk face. if you're overwhelming me which happens i might ignore you for a day. but i don't think i've ever given any one the silent treatment.

 

[MyCupOfTea]

I'm sorry for your situation. I hope that things work out between you and your SO.

But what I want to say anyway, is that don't make any more apologies, you have done it many times already. Silent treatment is negative emotional controlling so don't fall for it. If I were you I'd contact her one last time to let her know that it's the last attempt to hear from her and if she chooses not to respond, you would take it as a sign to move on.

Edit: ok, that's really not what I would do in a similar situation. It's more like what I wish I'd do in a similar situation. Actually, it would help if you could share a little more about your disagreement because now it seems like she's being upset about something minor which hardly is the whole truth... Anyway, if she's really dumping you I think you deserve to hear it from her.