[MBTI General] Im an Emotional Mess

[nomadic]

So I broke up with an ex of 4 years, and then got with this other girl right after, and broke up with her recently.

I hear this song about a breakup...

the lyrics go

"Im regretting our breakup..."

" that day, it was because of my pride, i just let it slip out that i wanted to break up"

"I thought when I was breaking up with you, you would not let me go..."

"I thought we would see each other soon... I thought u would not let me go..."

"Hey! thats not how I felt, I thought u knew me better..."


etc...etc...

my problem is that this song reminds me of both exes...

what do i do? am i stuck like this forever? has this ever happened to anyone before? when u break up with two exes in relative close time with each other???

fkk...... -_-

 

[Jack Flak]

Uhhh...You'll be ok eventually in all probability. I'm sure an NF will come take care of the touchy-feely. *exit*

 

[CzeCze]

[Ask an NTP You come back here Jack and you give a proper hug!]

Srsly though Nomad -- I've said this before but I think ENFP males have it *rough*. You guys seem to flip even more over girls than your ENFP female counterparts and just pine over it. Your post sounds eerily exactly like ENFP bro' FindTheJake's posts about his girl woes last year.

My advice? If you fully process each relationship and break-up, it will get easier and easier as time goes by. Pain is a process of growth.

I haven't had back to back 'break-ups' but I've had a series of regrettable entanglements, let's put it that way, that really chewed up my nougaty NF center. It's pain mang, pain.

But you honor those feelings, work through it, figure out the why and how, then you decide how you wanna live from this point forward, and you grow accordingly.

Was that vague enough for you?

I wasn't sure exactly what you were looking for, but I'm trying to help an ENFP brother out. So just let me know.

PS And of course, sorry you're hurting mang. Then again, if you didn't hurt, they probably weren't very worthwhile relationships.

 

[Glaceau]

What do you do? Stop being a typical ENFP flake. The women are better off without you.

 

[nomadic]

^ actually, no one's regretted being with me. emotionally, every relationship i been in, she doesn't regret it. ^_^ i always make sure of that~

but i do realize that it takes a patient person to deal with me sometimes. but unfortunately, most relationships i been in, i think it took more patience on my side... -_- lol

[Ask an NTP You come back here Jack and you give a proper hug!]

Srsly though Nomad -- I've said this before but I think ENFP males have it *rough*. You guys seem to flip even more over girls than your ENFP female counterparts and just pine over it. Your post sounds eerily exactly like ENFP bro' FindTheJake's posts about his girl woes last year.

My advice? If you fully process each relationship and break-up, it will get easier and easier as time goes by. Pain is a process of growth.

I haven't had back to back 'break-ups' but I've had a series of regrettable entanglements, let's put it that way, that really chewed up my nougaty NF center. It's pain mang, pain.

But you honor those feelings, work through it, figure out the why and how, then you decide how you wanna live from this point forward, and you grow accordingly.

Was that vague enough for you?

I wasn't sure exactly what you were looking for, but I'm trying to help an ENFP brother out. So just let me know.

PS And of course, sorry you're hurting mang. Then again, if you didn't hurt, they probably weren't very worthwhile relationships.

mmm... im not really in pain....

just confusion bc both were really intense and mixing them both makes me pretty confused.

both relationships, we both really took mature steps to end things painlessly. the second one was tough to end painlessly, but in the end she sees it my way... i think she really changed after she met me...

but anyways... yeah. confusion!

im waiting to see what feels 100% right... yeah maybe when it does, i can stick with it... like u said.

 

[Dwigie]

try and hang out a lot more with your friends, do things that interest you and try to "do" your favorite hobbies and really do make sure you do not stay home alone mopping it makes you feel worse. Nomad has a point in the whole "process the emotions" or they kind of follow you and come up unexpected(I know it from experience but from something else than a break-up).
You'll get through it, and yes women actually do like enfps, intjs etc...But he's right (I'm sure most fs would not say it like he did) mopping around is really not the way to go when you lose someone. You gotta think positive and try to keep going, people don't die from breakups, you'll survive trust me

 

[nomadic]

try and hang out a lot more with your friends, do things that interest you and try to "do" your favorite hobbies and really do make sure you do not stay home alone mopping it makes you feel worse. Nomad has a point in the whole "process the emotions" or they kind of follow you and come up unexpected(I know it from experience but from something else than a break-up).
You'll get through it, and yes women actually do like enfps, intjs etc...But he's right (I'm sure most fs would not say it like he did) mopping around is really not the way to go when you lose someone. You gotta think positive and try to keep going, people don't die from breakups, you'll survive trust me

thnx for your words~

actually, I think some people may have misinterpreted my situation...

its actually more about genuine feelings, more than closed doors...

im not sure how to explain... but basically, I have to be careful about what songs I put up on some internet sites, because it may mean different things to different people i know...and a lot of timelines are crossing... and i don't want to confuse people, bc im already confused enough myself.

 

[Udog]

The second relationship was a rebound that occurred before you had a chance to fully deal with the emotions of the first relationship. The pain won't last forever, but I think you will have to work through it a bit before time begins to heal the wounds.

 

[Dwigie]

thnx for your words~

actually, I think some people may have misinterpreted my situation...

its actually more about genuine feelings, more than closed doors...

im not sure how to explain... but basically, I have to be careful about what songs I put up on some internet sites, because it may mean different things to different people i know...and a lot of timelines are crossing... and i don't want to confuse people, bc im already confused enough myself.

I have to say I'm a bit confused here, you put songs on the internet sites and the people hear them thinking you're still in pain or something?
And the songs you listen to keep remembering you of these people. So you don't want to give the message that you're not over them when you are and hope people don't take it in that "ooo I'm so in pain" when it's not about that?
(I'm probably way off since I've never dealt with that..)

 

[nomadic]

The second relationship was a rebound that occurred before you had a chance to fully deal with the emotions of the first relationship. The pain won't last forever, but I think you will have to work through it a bit before time begins to heal the wounds.

yeah thats what i thought at first...

but this song totally makes me think that it wasn't a rebound... i don't see why someone would be hurt........ crap. the weirdest thing is that when i hear this song, i think of this girl i met recently, and we are both recently broke up from other relationships...

ugh. anyways... this is really complicated....... bleh. i feel like i just wasted people's time who read this.

i just needed to write it somewhere this thought happened. bc i might forget later... and i can't put this on facebook or xanga... sorry, i should have just posted this in the myspace alternative thread...

 

[nomadic]

I have to say I'm a bit confused here, you put songs on the internet sites and the people hear them thinking you're still in pain or something?
And the songs you listen to keep remembering you of these people. So you don't want to give the message that you're not over them when you are and hope people don't take it in that "ooo I'm so in pain" when it's not about that?
(I'm probably way off since I've never dealt with that..)

LOL

i am talkin about networking sites... like xanga, facebook, etc...

i dunno, this girl i was dating would do that during our relationship, putting up these songs that was about us, and this whole time i've not been doing the same thing... mainly bc there are some exes who would get pretty pissed. especially since im still in confusion... it would be like i am toying with their feelings...

 

[Dwigie]

LOL

i am talkin about networking sites... like xanga, facebook, etc...

i dunno, this girl i was dating would do that during our relationship, putting up these songs that was about us, and this whole time i've not been doing the same thing... mainly bc there are some exes who would get pretty pissed. especially since im still in confusion... it would be like i am toying with their feelings...

oooo it makes sense now. Yeah it's just weird to do that to someone
I hate it when people try to do things like that, so lame.Well it's not like you're trying to do it with that intention so it's all good.

 

[Nansense]

ModernNomad

Here's one hug!

I'm new at this, but learning fast! Breakups have always been SO painful and devastating for me as an ENFP. I think it's because I feel my feelings so deeply and love is so important to me.

I send you my best wishes that your friends and family are there for you and give you the comfort you need.

 

[stopandstare]

I think because of how deeply we feel, a part of all of our previous relationships never leaves us! Little bits of them just lodge in us and makes us what we are going forward... I find breakups difficult too, I try everything to stop them happening and but when somethings not right I will eventually give... I can never settle! I am dealing with a similar issue as yourself... am recently single again after another passionate relationship that I couldn't heal... Everything reminds me of him and it can get overwhelming at times! I've no answer but I'll give you a big hug too...

 

[animenagai]

I think because of how deeply we feel, a part of all of our previous relationships never leaves us!

quoted for the fucking truth! i find it extremely hard to get over people. i had a crush on an ISTJ of all types for 3 years. i've been rejected a few times too but somehow, that just doesn't matter. i dream on.

i find meaning in songs too when i have chick problems . 'what the fuck are you trying to tell me god?'

 

[sade]

You stumbled upon the reason why I don't listen to music or at least pop after a break up. Too many love songs, it's painful.
I have a feeling you need to talk this through with a patient friend (or a pet, pets are great for this) and really go through your thoughts and emotions. So that in the end you'll have some sort of peace..

Getting over people is painful for me too. I like to ponder inside my head to get over it because that's natural for me. Then I just go and consentrate on friends and other things. Time heals the best usually.

 

[Dom]

Don't put anything that could mean anything on facebook EVER!!! Take off your relationship status and don't put emotional status updates on...

Trust me on this. Although it is nice to be able to do these things and send secret little messages in song lyrics to people it only makes everything worse just like you suspect. Especially if more than one person thinks it could be about them.

If you want to say anything to either ex, then what you need to do is sit there for a few days and then either meet them and say it, or send a private message if that is too difficult. People read things so differently, talking between the lines is impossible. Especially annoying as us ENFPs find that much more comfortable.

Facebook is a window into your life and it's one that is hard to control who looks into it, so keep important stuff off it, especially if it's conflicted.

Also everyone who has commented on rebounds and this situation with these two exes maybe missing a point. I expect what you like and miss about each one are almost totally different things? People are right in that you started another relationship before you'd finished processing your last but no judgment here, I frankly think 97.5% of people do that. You're confused because, hey buster you really are capable of having feelings for more than one person at once. Now I've been converted from the concept of "being in love" with more than one person at once, but caring and missing certainly can come concurrently.

DO you want to tell either of them that you made a mistake?

If you do, why? Is it so you can try to restart the relationship or is it so they have a more complete memory of the relationship; an accurate one? I know I can drive myself nuts thinking about exes long gone and the fact that they probably see what happened in a very different light to myself, one that doesn't have accurate information about how i felt and what my intentions were!

I have also learned that I can't and shouldn't do anything about this, sometimes people move on and they have the wrong idea, like something "slipped out" and you didn't mean it. Like thinking they would hold on when they didn't (Never say you want to leave for leverage unless you really are prepared to lose the relationship if you can't resolve the confrontation). Trying to alter this is essentially selfish, it's because we don't want to be remembered badly and even if we didn't do anythign wrong, some people can't move on without thinking that the other did somethings badly or wrong. Trying to control what people think of us after a relationship is unfair, it may make you feel better to know that they now understand how you weren't cruel or hard or whatever; but this will probably just make getting over you harder. If you do still have residual care for these people, you'll want to do whatever is required for them to get on with life again as quickly as possible, with the least baggage/scarring so don't mess with things you can't control anyway, you'll confuse them and yourself even more.

Of course you are going to be thinking, hurt and sad about both and of course the same song could make you think of both. Feelings like life aren't tidy, especially if you are rushing about and not taking a little time to think (this I've learnt from painful experience). Notice how if you are too busy going from one thing to another the house gets in a mess? So do our personal lives. Don't mess your exs about anymore let them think what they think and you sit and work through your feelings. It will get better! You may even one day want to go back to one and discuss things or something but do NOT do that now. If you do you could merely make yourself more confused. Say you got back together with one somehow, then these residual feelings for the other would tear you up with guilt and you'll probably just make a bigger mess for yourself and them.

Don't say anything to either of them, even though I know how hard that will be. Just carry on with whatever is now normal levels of contact.

You left one serious relationship, and started another before having finished working things through, the feelings of loss and grief you probably felt were soothed by the embrace of the second and so you never healed yourself. When you split with the second, not only did that open its own wounds, but it also tore the healing patch off the first wounds that were never properly healed.

A few years back I asked an older friend of mine how long it takes before you stop thinking about your exs, the ones you loved, and how it went wrong and what may have been. He told me he'd let me know once he knew, he was 55 when I asked and he still hasn't told me yet!

NFPs I think will carry the What ifs for a very long time, it's all part of life I guess...

 

[VanillaCat]

Aww, you are way cute. What's helped me is to take 3 months to myself. Realize all of the possibilities! There are sooooo many people in this world. You just have to go out there and find someone if you really want them. I wouldn't keep trying on a relationship that didn't work, unless it was because of outside factors. But if personalities and habits clash, then it's not so good.

 

[disregard]

my problem is that this song reminds me of both exes...

what do i do? am i stuck like this forever? has this ever happened to anyone before? when u break up with two exes in relative close time with each other???

fkk...... -_-

Maybe you enjoy the feelings the song summons, but it is not really reflective of the way you feel about the relationships?

 

[nomadic]

^ hmmm... im not sure what i actually feel about relationships. they end up different for each person. this song actually makes me think of the second ex more...now that i think about it... but i wish i felt this more about the first ex...

Don't put anything that could mean anything on facebook EVER!!! Take off your relationship status and don't put emotional status updates on...

Trust me on this. Although it is nice to be able to do these things and send secret little messages in song lyrics to people it only makes everything worse just like you suspect. Especially if more than one person thinks it could be about them.

If you want to say anything to either ex, then what you need to do is sit there for a few days and then either meet them and say it, or send a private message if that is too difficult. People read things so differently, talking between the lines is impossible. Especially annoying as us ENFPs find that much more comfortable.

Facebook is a window into your life and it's one that is hard to control who looks into it, so keep important stuff off it, especially if it's conflicted.

Also everyone who has commented on rebounds and this situation with these two exes maybe missing a point. I expect what you like and miss about each one are almost totally different things? People are right in that you started another relationship before you'd finished processing your last but no judgment here, I frankly think 97.5% of people do that. You're confused because, hey buster you really are capable of having feelings for more than one person at once. Now I've been converted from the concept of "being in love" with more than one person at once, but caring and missing certainly can come concurrently.

DO you want to tell either of them that you made a mistake?

If you do, why? Is it so you can try to restart the relationship or is it so they have a more complete memory of the relationship; an accurate one? I know I can drive myself nuts thinking about exes long gone and the fact that they probably see what happened in a very different light to myself, one that doesn't have accurate information about how i felt and what my intentions were!

I have also learned that I can't and shouldn't do anything about this, sometimes people move on and they have the wrong idea, like something "slipped out" and you didn't mean it. Like thinking they would hold on when they didn't (Never say you want to leave for leverage unless you really are prepared to lose the relationship if you can't resolve the confrontation). Trying to alter this is essentially selfish, it's because we don't want to be remembered badly and even if we didn't do anythign wrong, some people can't move on without thinking that the other did somethings badly or wrong. Trying to control what people think of us after a relationship is unfair, it may make you feel better to know that they now understand how you weren't cruel or hard or whatever; but this will probably just make getting over you harder. If you do still have residual care for these people, you'll want to do whatever is required for them to get on with life again as quickly as possible, with the least baggage/scarring so don't mess with things you can't control anyway, you'll confuse them and yourself even more.

Of course you are going to be thinking, hurt and sad about both and of course the same song could make you think of both. Feelings like life aren't tidy, especially if you are rushing about and not taking a little time to think (this I've learnt from painful experience). Notice how if you are too busy going from one thing to another the house gets in a mess? So do our personal lives. Don't mess your exs about anymore let them think what they think and you sit and work through your feelings. It will get better! You may even one day want to go back to one and discuss things or something but do NOT do that now. If you do you could merely make yourself more confused. Say you got back together with one somehow, then these residual feelings for the other would tear you up with guilt and you'll probably just make a bigger mess for yourself and them.

Don't say anything to either of them, even though I know how hard that will be. Just carry on with whatever is now normal levels of contact.

You left one serious relationship, and started another before having finished working things through, the feelings of loss and grief you probably felt were soothed by the embrace of the second and so you never healed yourself. When you split with the second, not only did that open its own wounds, but it also tore the healing patch off the first wounds that were never properly healed.

A few years back I asked an older friend of mine how long it takes before you stop thinking about your exs, the ones you loved, and how it went wrong and what may have been. He told me he'd let me know once he knew, he was 55 when I asked and he still hasn't told me yet!

NFPs I think will carry the What ifs for a very long time, it's all part of life I guess...

LOL

man, that was a great post. thnx man. haha~

u totally feel me on the facebook thing eh? HAHA