It sounds as though your friend is very much caught up in her preferred interaction style, ladypinkington.
With all relationships I think I need to be cautious in my evaluation of what I receive and am able to give in return.
Balance in this area is a necessity for me. Not necessarily in the short run, but over time, I am happiest in relationships where there is equal give and take.
It is healthy, I think to expect that. I don't do well, nor make a good friend when I am feeling needy.
But it is with some care that I try to explore exactly what that desired person is capable of offering. And when I perceive a limitation in their ability to meet my needs I have two choices: I can drop the relationship and search for someone else who better meets my needs. Or I can continue with the friendship, recognizing that my friend may not be able to deliver what I request from her. In that case I supplement my needs through other special relationships.
There have been times when I've been insistent about changes in others' behaviors and it hasn't worked well. They either can't and become frustrated with the relationship, they try and it feels phony to all involved or they become defensive and stonewall the friendship.
All we are ultimately able to change is ourselves. Trying to force it in others rarely rewards us with good results.
That recognized, I have to determine how important the friendship is to me. Is this someone that I want in my life? If so, perhaps I need to lower my expectations to continue the relationship.
If I can't accomplish this it is best for both parties to move on with respect.
Is this helpful?