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View Poll Results: Why do some thinkers demonize feelers

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  • They are emotionally immature.

    58 31.18%
  • They just don't understand how feelers make decisions.

    90 48.39%
  • They confuse emotion with the MBTI definition of feeler.

    96 51.61%
  • They have an irrational fear of empathy.

    27 14.52%
  • They lack social skills.

    28 15.05%
  • They're big meanies!

    38 20.43%
  • Feelers are simply better at resolving conflict and dealing with their emotions

    10 5.38%
  • Feelers demonize thinkers in private instead of openly.

    25 13.44%
  • I'm a feeler and I think feelers suck too.

    10 5.38%
  • Other.

    39 20.97%
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Results 71 to 80 of 266

  1. #71
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    I do understand about the Pee part, CzeCze. Thanks for asking. For me it is that very Eff decision-making part that creates difficulty in meeting deadlines. Perhaps I didn't get that across.

    If you can see a way to make this more clear for me - how the two may/may not be related, I'll read it. Seems they are to me.

    And, Alpha Prime? Your use of the word "should" makes me shudder. Shudderin' over "shoulds." I always want to ask "By whose Almighty Authority?" when someone "shoulds" on me.

    Then I remind myself I'm probably talking to someone fairly young who knows they've already got it all figured out. (I used to know a lot.) And I remind myself to hang around for the surprises they have in store for them in life so they've got someone to dust them off and hold a hand when new possibilities dawn.

    Go for it. I'll stand by. And I do hope that you have many new possiblities dawn in your life. It's pretty cool to stay open and there's always something new to learn.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  2. #72
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    And thanks for the kiss, digital. Sendin' one back all the way to GA.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  3. #73
    Senior Member Alpha Prime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    Feeler logic doesn't "suck". You just don't use it.
    You don't use it because it sucks . Example: An INFJ colleague.

    INFJ: Why don't you work overtime to show the bosses what an ace you are?!
    ME: I don't give a fuck about what they think of me! I already had strong indications that I will get the job, after my trial period: because of my merits and how I do my job. I don't need to suck up to anyone.
    INFJ: *Shocked* Then in his mind he thought something like this:

    (1.) He doesn't give a fuck about his bosses and (2.) he is always alone (coincidentally he only sees me then), therefore:

    INFJ: *Summons all the courage he seems to have, says my name, pauses for a while.. and then asks* Why do you hate, all humans?

    He erroneously took (only) two parameters and extrapolated them into something as bizarre as erroneous.


    Quote Originally Posted by Anja View Post
    And, Alpha Prime? Your use of the word "should" makes me shudder. Shudderin' over "shoulds." I always want to ask "By whose Almighty Authority?" when someone "shoulds" on me.
    If you use the word "can" instead, then a whole lot of negative possibilities open up, where being dispassionate proves a better option. So, again: Feelings should be used in a useful way.
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  4. #74
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Let me offer you another way to think about it, Alpha.

    "Should" implies that there is one, and only one, way to do something. It implies that there is only one global authority on things and that anyone who doesn't subscribe to that belief is out of the loop. Use of it tends to set one's self up as superior to all others. It can be a word of alienation.

    It always reminds me of sitting in church and being told what I am supposed to believe - or else. "Everyone should be a Christian." Yup?

    It also limits the user's openess to a variety of learning experiences and can close one off from possibly something which would work better for them.

    Basically "shoulds" are how how we end up in war. How we end up in divorce. How we end up angry with others. How we end up unhappy. Someone isn't doing things the way they "should" and we know better so we hasten to force our will upon others. The results aren't usually too pleasant.

    Think about how you feel when someone else tells you what you "should" do. Most people don't like it. For that matter, think about how you feel when you tell yourself you should be doing something you don't want to do.

    So. Being relatively aware that there is that necessary evil called "reality" I know that if I don't do certain things it won't go well for me. But I have a choice. No one needs to tell me what I should or shouldn't be feeling or thinking. As all personality types, I prefer to figure out what works best for me.

    Now. Certain immutable forces dictate shoulds. If I jump out of an airplane, I should pull the ripcord. Make the suggestion, explain to me why and I'll consider it.

    See what I'm saying? It allows the respect that maybe people can take a suggestion or figure it out for themselves. A choice! Yippee. Everyone loves them.

    Just a better way to deliver one's ideas to others because it honors their autonomous existence.

    I think that's what we're talking about here. How to better "hear" each other in harmony, if not agreement.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  5. #75
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haphazard View Post
    I still haven't forgiven you for that incident, PP.
    Clearly someone here has grudge issues! Didn't I pay your bail?!
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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  6. #76
    Senior Member sketcheasy's Avatar
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    i'm sure if we were more like thinkers we would demonize them too.

    but we're not cause we like people.

  7. #77
    Member Shadowrose's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anja View Post
    Let me offer you another way to think about it, Alpha.

    "Should" implies that there is one, and only one, way to do something. It implies that there is only one global authority on things and that anyone who doesn't subscribe to that belief is out of the loop. Use of it tends to set one's self up as superior to all others. It can be a word of alienation.

    It always reminds me of sitting in church and being told what I am supposed to believe - or else. "Everyone should be a Christian." Yup?

    It also limits the user's openess to a variety of learning experiences and can close one off from possibly something which would work better for them.

    Basically "shoulds" are how how we end up in war. How we end up in divorce. How we end up angry with others. How we end up unhappy. Someone isn't doing things the way they "should" and we know better so we hasten to force our will upon others. The results aren't usually too pleasant.

    Think about how you feel when someone else tells you what you "should" do. Most people don't like it. For that matter, think about how you feel when you tell yourself you should be doing something you don't want to do.

    So. Being relatively aware that there is that necessary evil called "reality" I know that if I don't do certain things it won't go well for me. But I have a choice. No one needs to tell me what I should or shouldn't be feeling or thinking. As all personality types, I prefer to figure out what works best for me.

    Now. Certain immutable forces dictate shoulds. If I jump out of an airplane, I should pull the ripcord. Make the suggestion, explain to me why and I'll consider it.

    See what I'm saying? It allows the respect that maybe people can take a suggestion or figure it out for themselves. A choice! Yippee. Everyone loves them.

    Just a better way to deliver one's ideas to others because it honors their autonomous existence.

    I think that's what we're talking about here. How to better "hear" each other in harmony, if not agreement.
    Bravo. ^_^ This is a perfect example of the differences between "F" and "T", 'should' is a value-laden term, according to the dictionary, it means "obliged to". The reason why so many Thinkers demonize Feelers as they do seems to derive from this concept. Where a Feeler is under the impression that 'should' implies one particular way of dong something, most Thinkers that I know, myself included, tend to bandy about the word 'should' in the sense of 'this course of action makes more sense'. For instance, "you should stop seeing this person" can mean wildly different things to each. To a Feeler, I suspect it would come across as "You need to stop seeing this person!" whereas to a Thinker, I think it'd be more along the lines of "It would be beneficial to stop seeing this person".

    I think this single word causes a huge amount of miscommunication. 'Should' implies a value judgment, even when there isn't one being made.

    Hope that makes sense!

  8. #78
    heart on fire
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    most Thinkers that I know, myself included, tend to bandy about the word 'should' in the sense of 'this course of action makes more sense'.
    I am not a thinker, but I've used should often in this context and then been surprised to be jumped on for using it because someone took it as meaning an absolute value judgment.

  9. #79
    Member Shadowrose's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    I am not a thinker, but I've used should often in this context and then been surprised to be jumped on for using it because someone took it as meaning an absolute value judgment.
    Oh, I wasn't trying to say that it Feelers only used it one way, and Thinkers the other, but I suspect it's frequent enough that it can cause a bit of a rub between the two groups.

  10. #80
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    Clearly someone here has grudge issues! Didn't I pay your bail?!
    Oh. I missed the point?

    I HATE THINKERS! I HATE 'EM! I HATE 'EM!

    *Crouches and battens down the hatches*
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

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