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[ENFP] What do ENFPs do when angry?

Cality

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Mar 2, 2008
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208
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Anger manifest is stereotypical 'Fe' -- ENFP being expressive by nature (and more bark than bite, IMO, 'cause we are nice like that) can be misconstrued when 'angry' or partially joking. Also 'P' being more about possibilities and XNFP more about metaphors etc., I think at least for me when I say things people may take it more seriously or face value.

Example, just now I was on the front porch with my INFP roommie and her 2 IXXX friends (I'm gonna guess IXXJ) and I told them I got 'run over' by a bike (jerk sideswiped me and snagged my bag). I said next time I'm just gonna kick the bike to knock the biker off.

The IXXJ were listening very quietly, even bored until I said this. And then one girl said, "Wow! Where is this violence coming from??" I don't know if she were joking as well, but anywhoo, I realized joking about kicking people (even when deserved) doesn't go over very well in certain new company.

I think at the brunch I was at earlier, the folks would have laughed or commiserated more with me.

Or maybe not.

I am only an ENFP when I drive my car then... :shock: In the big5, I have a very low neurotiscm score. Maybe that's why! Or maybe Im just not a an ENFP! :huh:
 

phoenix13

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Okay, what do ENFPs do when traumatized? Is this type more susceptable to losing their flippin mind?

Depends on the trauma, of course, but I'll bet 80% of us will withdraw. That's when the nights of torment begin and we lose our flippin' minds... but you won't see any of it, 'cause by then we're recluses. Do I speak from personal experience? Of course not! Never! Nuh-ever! ... :unsure:
 

LunaIndigo

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During traumatic times, you'll never see me cry. I'll do that when I'm alone and I know no ones around. I often use humor to get over things like that. When I lost my dog that I'd had for over 12 years (and then I lost my cat that I had for about 8 years a month later), I kind of numbed myself up and it didn't hit me until months later. Numbing myself is what I'm good at.
 

animenagai

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my dad described me as a time bomb. as an ENFp, i treasure relationships with pretty much anyone, so i would go out of my way to make sure things are at least neutral. you know, just so that we can get along. so when a complete jackass takes advantage of this by being racist etc. o my blood boils like nothing else. i back away from these intense feelings, i try not to throw any punches because i know it's not healthy. however, if i don't, i end up regretting it, but if i do, i still feel guilty. i just can't win.
 

Cality

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During traumatic times, you'll never see me cry. I'll do that when I'm alone and I know no ones around. I often use humor to get over things like that. When I lost my dog that I'd had for over 12 years (and then I lost my cat that I had for about 8 years a month later), I kind of numbed myself up and it didn't hit me until months later. Numbing myself is what I'm good at.


Exactly!! I feel ENFP again!
 

absoluteuncertainty

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cool topic, some interesting reading.

usually, I just bleed nastiness when I'm angry until I'm left alone a while without the angering stimulus. It doesn't take much time at all for me to get over it though, and my xnfj girlfriend takes full advantage of this. Irritating~!

as for trauma? i am uncannily good at forgetting things fairly quickly. weird!!
 

mlittrell

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my Te flairs up and i beome super stoic, stony faced, cold as iron. but never will i yell. there is no place for yelling, when yelling starts, its a snowball. any person with a high EQ will tell you that.
 

INA

now! in shell form
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intp
In my thankfully limited experience, if you get them mad enough, they flip out and their feelings color their Ne, which goes haywire to pick up on many perceived slights. They then ascribe all manner of thoughts and motives to the irritant that are based more on their aggrieved Fi rather than anything else. They begin to lose interest in and capacity for analyzing a situation objectively, preferring to define what it is that is wrong about the irritant. It is as if they want to isolate the irritant in a bubble and, by denouncing it, make themselves not care about it, contrary to their natural inclinations to care . . . perhaps to restore equilibrium.
 

Dom

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So many phases of anger, but honestly I can remember the last time i was actually angry and it was almost three years ago.

I have eruptions caused by frustration from time to time, but actually angry? not so often.

That time three years ago? I was angry for 3 days straight. Absolute rage.

their feelings color their Ne, which goes haywire to pick up on many perceived slights. They then ascribe all manner of thoughts and motives to the irritant that are based more on their aggrieved Fi rather than anything else. They begin to lose interest in and capacity for analyzing a situation objectively, preferring to define what it is that is wrong about the irritant. It is as if they want to isolate the irritant in a bubble and, by denouncing it, make themselves not care about it, contrary to their natural inclinations to care . . . perhaps to restore equilibrium.

While I recognise the NF paranoia thing (My INFP friends say and do the same thing, about the imagined slights, and we don't ahve to be angry to do it, just it's when we are mad that these flights of paranoia get heard) but the rest? I'm not so sure, only when I've really lost it do i stop listening at all, and often a misinterpretation can be corrected and I'll calm down and even apologise.
 

Dom

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Okay, what do ENFPs do when traumatized? Is this type more susceptable to losing their flippin mind?

It's tough. We get stuck. We have the raging emotions of guilt, hurt, deppression, rejection. Then we get stuck into a Ti loop that finds (what our tortured minds consider) concrete and rational arguments that back up our feelings of self worthlessness, and then a spiral down until we hit something that helps snaps us out of it again. That NF paranoia locks us down tight and it is very hard to get a hold of your thoughts and feeligns and start to piece things back together again.

And we will become more and more reclusive the worse it gets.

If you haven't seen your ENFP friend for days and you normally see them alot then one of two thigns has happened, they've fallen in love or are in trouble.
 

ENFP Goddess

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I find it takes a lot to anger me but when I do I become like the Bride of Lucifer. Its not enough to verbally crush you, I get this intense desire to viciously rearrange how you live your life. And I am still in the very early stages of learning about my letters and the common traits but I can't be the only one who really does not do guilt. Anyone else find themselves in a remorse deficit sometimes?
 

substitute

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My brother drops verbal bombs - usually by text format - that rip the person apart and attack their very being and make them feel like absolute shit. Then he reports things the person has said to other, third parties, exaggerating and embellishing greatly in order to portray the 'enemy' as being crazy, stupid, evil, not worth anyone's time etc. - in other words, a smear campaign. And then he bores the pants off other people by trying to convince them that what he's done is right, to whom it's pretty clear that not only was it wrong (or, if at least understandable, then very much overkill), but that the only reason he's saying all this to us is because he's trying to convince himself that he did right.

I haven't yet had that side of him turned on me, never in all our lives. But he turned it on my sister recently and he's very ruthless, totally without mercy. Way nastier than I could ever be and I'm supposed to be the cold T.
 

SillySapienne

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mushroom.cloud.jpeg


:)
 

Valiant

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CC, couldn't agree more. You guys make a bloody mess :D
 

substitute

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actually it's quite different depending on the gender of the ENFP in my experience...

a female ENFP I know will yell, scream, fight etc, whilst my brother enacts his rage in much 'quieter' ways, yet just as violent and malevolent (see smear campaign mentioned above), just sorta rip a person's life apart by some well placed words.

I think because ENFP is a pretty classy type, in a way, and it's sorta easier for a woman to maintain that image even though she loses it than for a man? I mean, society has a sorta double standard whereby if a woman starts yelling and stuff (especially if right's on their side) then they're "strong sisters" and it's all you go girl, etc. Whereas a man can't really lose his rag without losing that classy image altogether and being seen as pretty ornery.
 

CzeCze

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^^ Hmmm, that's interesting. Perhaps there's a regional, generational, and class spin on that as well? Because I grew up with the classic standard that loud aggresive angry women were ugly women and all sorts of bad things.

It's easier now with this generation to applaud 'strong women' and a woman can still be very self-capable and competent and fit into 'good' box, but it's still a little tricky to maneuver.

My classmates in college could act like classic EXXJ's (lots of bossy ESXJ's there and girls I couldn't stand) but because we were in a priveleged setting, I think people just saw them as management material. LOL.

It's much easier I think for men to get loud and blustery without negative stigma as it's "just boys being boys"

Though true, if they are conscious about how they come off to others and don't want to get loutish reps they will try to tone it down. I would think that's a common NF trait though, or again, class or generation based.

Personally, I've done the quiet intense anger more than the loud anger. I'm much more about bark than bite now and I don't mind. I find the entire point of getting angry is to not feel angry anymore, and I'm not necessarily trying to win a scorched earth campaign.

I'd rather raise my voice a little and loudly and pointedly e-nun-c-iate my grievances than plot someone's demise. Then a day or even an hour later everyone's back to normal and can go back to being happy. I just want to make sure I'm heard and people respect my position so that future unecessary situations don't pop up.
 

swordpath

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Atomic bomb seems to sum it up, agreed.
 

kiddykat

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In my younger days, when I get angry, I'd give the finger, get all up in that person's face and my friends would hold me back. That was waay long ago in my teenage years..

Now, when I get angry, I'm more self-controlled, but I still give the evil-eye (which I find I cannot control). And if I'm really mad, I'll snap with little mean remarks, sometimes sarcastic just to play it off.

Yeah so pretty much, that "F" side in me sometimes doesn't work for the best, but I'm still trying to improve. =)
 

RiderOnTheStorm

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Heh. Found the perfect song to describe what I feel like when I'm angry. To a capital T.

[youtube=8wWSrSUJm7k]Destructive[/youtube]


If I could smoke a cigarette right now I would
rip out of my skin commit the sins oh I could
if I could break a heart and throw it all away for just one night
my conscience wouldn't care if I just went ahead and wrecked my life

I want to be destructive
trash everything in site
beat the Devil at his game
abuse myself all night
I want to bitch the world out
one loud aching scream
don't want anybody wanting anything from me

I'm sick of being perfect with your perfect little smile
pick a fight with danger be a stranger to myself for a while
I want to come unraveled and have it out with my soul
I'm tired of all the voices telling me which way to go
I wish you'd silence your opinion
that's the last thing that I want to know

I want to be destructive
trash everything in site
beat the Devil at his game
abuse myself all night
I want to bitch the world out
one loud aching scream
don't want anybody wanting anything from me

I'll fell better when I'm sane
but now I want to feel no pain
I'm really sick of thinking
I just want to be destructive

I want to be destructive
trash everything in site
beat the Devil at his game
abuse myself all night
I want to bitch the world out
one loud aching scream
don't want anybody wanting anything from me
 
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