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Thread: Why Immature F-ers give me the creeps?

  1. #341
    Senior Member Array sciski's Avatar
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    Thanks--okay, that is different to an immature feeler... I actually wasn't trying to level out the playing field with my question, but was wondering if you were reacting to immaturity in all forms, as opposed to the 'feeling' side, which might just be incomprehensible to you at present.

    But your views of immature feelers/thinkers seem to be linked by their stubborn refusal to see other points of view, whether the basis is from logic or from values. My guess is that your annoyance comes from the refusal to compromise and the creepiness comes from the refusal to explain?

    People who act in unconscionable ways while saying 'they felt like it' creep me out too, but I doubt these behaviours are limited to feelers. Someone said it before and it's worth stating again - often 'I felt like it' is a crap excuse for someone who either, i) can't be bothered to rationalise their own behaviour, or ii) can't be bothered to explain their rationalisation to you. It's a very easy exit clause to take, because often, the 'uhh- felt like it' statement bamboozles the other person so much that they drop the subject or start focusing on that statement instead of the action that led to it.

    That sort of statement could come from an F or a T - though ironically, it's MORE likely to come from a T. Fs generally want to either connect with you or to express themselves... so you'll more likely get a HUGE overexplanation (ie, a dreadful rant/lecture that will leave you running for the hills) or a flustered attempt at a rationalisation-that-barely-makes-sense than a brush-off.

    I'm kinda thinking, in your example waaaay back with your policeman friend, that sort of response could have come from any of my TJ friends - spite is not limited to Feelers at all. My ENTJ friend would have taken great joy in giving someone a ticket for being an asshole. But -- and here's the difference -- if so inclined, he would have been able to give you an acceptable logical, rational explanation for his behaviour, which to me (as an F) would have sounded like pure bullshit.

    I guess my point is that any type is capable of crappy behaviour, but I think some can simply explain it to you in a way that sits better with you, while others will not be able to... and it might simply be your own predisposition towards Thinking that is stopping you seeing from the Feeling perspective. I know some strong Feelers can find Thinking actions incomprehensible, but if they ratcheted down the Feeling somewhat, would be able to see from the Thinking perspective. If you truly want to understand the Feeling perspective, you'll have to let go your bias - at least temporarily.

    Hopefully that made some sense!

  2. #342
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    I do think I am zeroing in on immaturity in general. Thinkers don't creep me out because on some level whether I agree or not, I get it, and know how to react to it. I find feelers to be unpredictable and unhealthy feelers to be dishonest with themselves and others. I guess it comes down to the loyalty issue. I am also still anoyed with the forced participation in feeler like activities.

    Example from two days ago:

    NF friend brings SFP friend to my place even though she knows I can't stand SFP but she wants us to get along. SFP sees a hand knit blanket and asks if he can have it. I tell him that it belongs to someone else so it is not mine to give away. I am thinking who walks into someones place and just asks if they can take something. NF intervenes by saying "aww just give it to him it would make him happy," no kidding she says this. Then I have to be the big bitch that ruins SFPs happieness. I sternly tell him no.

    Now I know that feeling means value judgement but there does seem to be a pattern with dominant feelers using emotions as the basis of their decisions. It seems from my observation that overly empathetic feelers make poor value judgments as a tactical way of making the negitive emotions subside as quickly as possible. This narrow goal can lead to huge flaws in terms of long term solution if the value judgments are interconnected to external circumstances. I am now guessing that these extreme F people I am noticing have underdeveloped T functions in general leading to the assumption of immaturity.

    All I know it that after a while of being surrounded Fs I breath easy in the company of my INTJ friend who could care less which is fine with me. There just seems to be no preconcieved expectations for us to define the standards of our friendship with. We just enjoy each others conversations then go about our buisness.

  3. #343
    Mr. Blue Array entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    I do think I am zeroing in on immaturity in general. Thinkers don't creep me out because on some level whether I agree or not, I get it, and know how to react to it. I find feelers to be unpredictable and unhealthy feelers to be dishonest with themselves and others. I guess it comes down to the loyalty issue. I am also still anoyed with the forced participation in feeler like activities.

    Example from two days ago:

    NF friend brings SFP friend to my place even though she knows I can't stand SFP but she wants us to get along. SFP sees a hand knit blanket and asks if he can have it. I tell him that it belongs to someone else so it is not mine to give away. I am thinking who walks into someones place and just asks if they can take something. NF intervenes by saying "aww just give it to him it would make him happy," no kidding she says this. Then I have to be the big bitch that ruins SFPs happieness. I sternly tell him no.

    Now I know that feeling means value judgement but there does seem to be a pattern with dominant feelers using emotions as the basis of their decisions. It seems from my observation that overly empathetic feelers make poor value judgments as a tactical way of making the negitive emotions subside as quickly as possible. This narrow goal can lead to huge flaws in terms of long term solution if the value judgments are interconnected to external circumstances. I am now guessing that these extreme F people I am noticing have underdeveloped T functions in general leading to the assumption of immaturity.

    All I know it that after a while of being surrounded Fs I breath easy in the company of my INTJ friend who could care less which is fine with me. There just seems to be no preconcieved expectations for us to define the standards of our friendship with. We just enjoy each others conversations then go about our buisness.
    That gives me the creeps
    Progressive Trance
    Time will explain.
    ~Persuasion - by Jane Austen

  4. #344
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    NF friend brings SFP friend to my place even though she knows I can't stand SFP but she wants us to get along. SFP sees a hand knit blanket and asks if he can have it. I tell him that it belongs to someone else so it is not mine to give away. I am thinking who walks into someones place and just asks if they can take something. NF intervenes by saying "aww just give it to him it would make him happy," no kidding she says this. Then I have to be the big bitch that ruins SFPs happieness. I sternly tell him no.
    That just sounds like someone being a clueless flake and having no respect for other's things. You're totally correct you don't just walk into someone's home and treat it like a rummage sale.

  5. #345
    Mr. Blue Array entropie's Avatar
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    ^^

    Except a girl is walking with you inside your home, then you absolutly will treat the environment like a rummage sale. xD
    Progressive Trance
    Time will explain.
    ~Persuasion - by Jane Austen

  6. #346
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    There just seems to be no preconcieved expectations for us to define the standards of our friendship with. We just enjoy each others conversations then go about our buisness.
    Hmm... This sounds like me describing some of my best relationships, except that I would replace "conversations" with "company". I don't like it when people start expecting me to be there for them all the time. But its quite easy to solve, anyways, just ignore the calls and say your mobile was lost somewhere...

  7. #347
    Mr. Blue Array entropie's Avatar
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    hahaha, I gave up finding excuses, I just tell I havent powered my mobile up for like 3 weeks xDD

    But I am offtopic here, will go now
    Progressive Trance
    Time will explain.
    ~Persuasion - by Jane Austen

  8. #348
    Senior Member Array sciski's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl;
    NF friend brings SFP friend to my place even though she knows I can't stand SFP but she wants us to get along. SFP sees a hand knit blanket and asks if he can have it. I tell him that it belongs to someone else so it is not mine to give away. I am thinking who walks into someones place and just asks if they can take something. NF intervenes by saying "aww just give it to him it would make him happy," no kidding she says this. Then I have to be the big bitch that ruins SFPs happieness. I sternly tell him no.
    Hehe, I think that story only makes sense if the SFP in question is less than 12 years old, and the NF in question is his mother.

    I agree that the coolness and (general) predictability of Ts is very soothing.

    Balance is good.

    As for your opinion of DomFs, be careful that you don't start projecting behaviours upon them... This is mainly from your statement, "unhealthy feelers to be dishonest with themselves and others." I have judged an ESTJ friend like this in the past as well, but who knows, maybe she is actually completely honest, but I just don't understand her frame of reference. Having said that, you could of course be correct in your assessment.

  9. #349
    ThatGirl
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    Lol! So the blanket thing wasn't just me. Thank god.

    By dominant feelers I wasn't refering to function but more dominating feelers. Like you will respect the feeling I told you to or else dominance.

  10. #350
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    So the blanket thing wasn't just me.
    Of course not... How can anyone expect to get somebody else's stuff just like that!?

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