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  1. #1
    Senior Member misfortuneteller's Avatar
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    Default how do i not get offended?

    I'm really struggling here. I'm in my early 20's, and i'm well aware of my other functions but I can't help but get butthurt really easily unless i was asking for a reaction then i just laugh it off.
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  2. #2
    is indra's Avatar
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    Do like the alpha do

    I don't believe philosophy is used to shape action or reform our selves - not in any true sense. They are derived to confirm the will that already resides within us...

    IE embrace the butthurt
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  3. #3
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Dont get angry at blind people because they cannot see
    Sure, its condescending, but anger turns to pity which makes it less personal in a way.

    Id need to hear an example, though.

    Most of my sensitivity is feeling like people hate me when they may not or are judging me negatively when they supposedly are not or find me insignificant when they do not. Its rooted in insecurity, but I still maintain that people do make negative assumptions about me because Im hard to read. I dont tend to get offended if people disagree with me or do stuff I dont agree with. I dont have moral outrages over much.

    One solution to this is to be easier to read, but when sensitive, the instinct is to withdraw, not to put yourself out there more. Another solution is to question the premise - a person's judgement IS questionable, so dont just accept it as a truth about yourself. If you dissect it, often it can just be dismissed as their perspective.

    On another messageboard, INFPs discussed how young INFPs may not question the premise enough when others criticize them or make accusations. This stems from a tendency to see multiple viewpoints and validate different feelings, but it can result in invalidating your own viewpoint and feelings, and often that is the source of the sensitivity (feeling that the outer world and its impersonal systems invalidate your view/feelings). So you can reject the invalidation of your own feelings by not automatically validating others. You can also recognize that the invalidation is coming from yourself, which is why others see you as being too sensitive and not them as being too critical.

    I never struggled with this, but it did make me angry when an invalidation had consensus behind it, because Id feel others were "blind". I got past that when I turned the anger to pity. Yeah, its kind of arrogant, but it allows me to validate them (understand where their judgement comes from and that its a valid line of reasoning that happens to have a flawed premise) without invalidating myself.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe
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  4. #4
    Junior Member wu lan's Avatar
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    context please

    if there is no concrete example, then we do not know what gone wrong is or what the problem is
    every problem has its something that gone wrong
    that's for me

    - - - Updated - - -

    context please

    if there is no concrete example, then we do not know what gone wrong is or what the problem is
    every problem has its something that gone wrong
    that's for me

  5. #5
    friendly and accessible boomslang's Avatar
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    Nothing wrong with being a softie.
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  6. #6

    Default

    I have this same problem. My supervisor stepped in the the position of head manager at work, so I got a new supervisor. She is really nice and all, but she is the type that sees criticism as a good thing. She criticizes me a lot. I usually take it personally and its really messing with me. She has noticed this and tells me to stop taking it so hard, she still likes me and sees me as a great worker, but there are things I need to work on. She does it because she likes me. (I hear that a lot) Problem is that even though I know that I still get a bit hurt when she does it, makes me feel like I'm a terrible worker and that she doesn't like me any more...ect. I wish I knew how to get over it.
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  7. #7
    Senior Member Frosty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Dont get angry at blind people because they cannot see
    Sure, its condescending, but anger turns to pity which makes it less personal in a way.

    Id need to hear an example, though.

    Most of my sensitivity is feeling like people hate me when they may not or are judging me negatively when they supposedly are not or find me insignificant when they do not. Its rooted in insecurity, but I still maintain that people do make negative assumptions about me because Im hard to read. I dont tend to get offended if people disagree with me or do stuff I dont agree with. I dont have moral outrages over much.

    One solution to this is to be easier to read, but when sensitive, the instinct is to withdraw, not to put yourself out there more. Another solution is to question the premise - a person's judgement IS questionable, so dont just accept it as a truth about yourself. If you dissect it, often it can just be dismissed as their perspective.

    On another messageboard, INFPs discussed how young INFPs may not question the premise enough when others criticize them or make accusations. This stems from a tendency to see multiple viewpoints and validate different feelings, but it can result in invalidating your own viewpoint and feelings, and often that is the source of the sensitivity (feeling that the outer world and its impersonal systems invalidate your view/feelings). So you can reject the invalidation of your own feelings by not automatically validating others. You can also recognize that the invalidation is coming from yourself, which is why others see you as being too sensitive and not them as being too critical.

    I never struggled with this, but it did make me angry when an invalidation had consensus behind it, because Id feel others were "blind". I got past that when I turned the anger to pity. Yeah, its kind of arrogant, but it allows me to validate them (understand where their judgement comes from and that its a valid line of reasoning that happens to have a flawed premise) without invalidating myself.

    Huh maybe I'm an INFP... I feel alot of the time people are just tolerating me. Hmm

    Anyways, to the OP, just think of everyone out there you havent yet met. You havent met everyone yet, and you never know what tomorrow may bring. When someone offends you, dont take it personally, just accept it into yourself. Either gain from it insight into your own character, or let it teach you a new way people can be rude and think about what could possibly be the reason they feel the need to be that way. Just soak it into you, pretend you are a plant. Their criticisms are your water, plants flourish with water, they dont shrivel up and die. And if you do react negatively to something, stop yourself before, during, or after (anytime), and ask yourself if its worth it. But as I said first try to grow, and if you sincerely try and you start to break down, then detatch.

    Sorry if this post makes no sense, im exhausted.
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  8. #8
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    Lol, I have to laugh.

    All I can say is, you should of seen me in the INFP forum for the first time the other day.... It really did not go well...

    I won't go nito the whole thing, but as someone who stands up for self and the rights of others, I told (in essence) those who were being selfish and putting down the INFP type with a multitude of negatives in the title for everyone to see...

    There's a difference between expressing emotion, and inflicted as many people as you can with it by using the titles you did.
    Do they not know other INFPs are just as sensitive? Are they stupid? (NOTE: Everyone is stupid in emotion, including me asking if they were stupid)
    It is bullshit and I won't tolerate it!!
    I thought INFPs were supposed to be aware of others, more than any other type?
    etc
    etc

    Basically my point is, similar my response on "how do you express anger" post on here.
    People need to start speaking up, and not holding stuff in, afraid of being kicked out of the group, or seen badly in this overly politically corrected BS World!!!

    I do NOT lack sympathy or empathy nor compassion.
    But most people do lack the ability to speak up.

    So I say to you, stand up for yourself, do something like, making a post saying
    "INFPs, please be more aware and considerate of other INFPs, because you're not the only one who is sensitive you selfish feeler". (maybe not that aggressive) "Here are some suggestions and guidelines I have prepared for the community which i'd like you all to read, so we can discuss this"


    What is the usual response someone would get from a question like this? Or any question really.
    Typically a response that doesn't change a thing just makes whomever feel temporarily better.
    (I understand temporarily relief and bonding via sharing problems, don't be judgemental because i'm a guy :P)
    I would not accepted that on an ongoing basis though, I also can't see it happening and not say something about it.

    I have no problems with Fs, my GF is an INFJ, i've developed my F and have begun integrating it.
    I actually used to be a cold ENTJ but life happened, and I grew cause that's my thing.



    Just a suggestion.
    I now realise ENTP, which Psychiatrist screwed me up, my T, allowing relationship with INFJ, F to develop in me in place of my weaken, damaged, violated T.

    Holland Code (RIASEC): IAE
    Ne (95%) Fi (85%) Ni /Fe (75%) Ti (70%) Si (55%) Se (50%)
    -------

  9. #9
    Injustice Needs To stoP RandomINTP's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by misfortuneteller View Post
    I'm really struggling here. I'm in my early 20's, and i'm well aware of my other functions but I can't help but get butthurt really easily unless i was asking for a reaction then i just laugh it off.
    Just simply don't get offended.
    MBTI:
    Alignment: Chaotic-Neutral
    Sins: Pride > Sloth > Gluttony > Wrath > Greed > Lust > Envy

    "Only two things are infinite. The universe, and human stupidity, but I'm not sure about the former." -Albert Einstein
    "You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." -Dr. Seuss
    "If you want to know what a man is like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." -J. K. Rowling

  10. #10
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Sensitivity can be viewed as a weakness or a strength. Your choice.

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