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Thread: NF conflict.

  1. #1
    Junior Member syorro's Avatar
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    Default NF conflict.

    I know you're most likely not psychologist or anything of the sorts, but there's this problem in my...well triangle of friends. It's between an ENFP, an INFP, and an ENFJ. The thing is that the INFP sometimes has this like outbreak and feels so negative that no matter what we do, the INFP just won't budge. Eventually the ENFJ just explodes and decides to stop wasting his time with him for the moment. Last time, the ENFJ said a series of things that were true, but to any outsider it would seem like bullying towards the INFP. I seem to always be in the middle without being of much help since I'd rather not take sides nor make anyone feel cornered or left out. Please don't misunderstand though. All the ENFJ wants is to help the INFP as always, but the INFP always misinterprets out actions as animosity and goes into his depressed mode again, seeking for attention. Basically, he tends to be self-centered. The INFP also tends to think and say that their type is the most idealistic and that no one else can be as idealistic as them, possibly as a way to feel unique. The INFP seems to reject whatever advice is given to him. Also, he tends to compare his life to the ENFJ, also envying him entirely. The ENFJ really doesn't make sense of this since his life is all but unicorns and rainbows. What the INFP seems to not understand is that the ENFJ has as low self-esteem issues as him, just that he doesn't show it to the world as much. Another problem is that the ENFJ and I keep getting a feeling of inferiority since the INFP gets carried away whenever he's good at something. By that I mean that he sees no evil in shoving it in our faces if he's better at math or any other thing. The INFP seems to always find a way to feel superior, and if not, at least seem to be. I (ENFP) always end up cheering him up and dismiss the problem, causing the INFP to feel supported by me and then he sees the ENFJ as the bad guy. The problem is that the ENFJ has lived like that all his life, trying to help others, but they still see his as the bad guy. The ENFJ can feel overwhelmed because they are tired of the constant misinterpretation of his actions. To the ENFJ, it sometimes feels like nothing is worth the trouble and that not caring about people anymore is the right choice. Even with these thoughts, the ENFJ can't bring itself to do it. The ENFJ's self-esteem seems to get worse with each passing day. A major problem about this, in addition to the rest, is that the INFP just uses the same method I am using to find a solution, mbti, to justify their actions as if nothing could be done. The ENFJ is pretty much tired of this loop. It's becoming difficult for the ENFJ maintain control of the temper. His dark side comes most when it has to do with this INFP, just this one. Even with all this, the INFP seems to be oblivious to how we feel or of his actions, even when I have told him before. This situation is really affecting our friendship. Do any of you have advice on the matter?
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  2. #2
    Senior Member Kensei's Avatar
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    There's gotta be some common interest between these two friends, all you have to do is find it, and then use it to bring them together. Besides that I can't really give anything worth giving, because I don't know the whole situation. My overall advice is that you find what you need to do and do it on your own, not to sound harsh, but the truth is that there really isn't going to be much advice coming from strangers on a typology forum, especially when you post a wall of text in an NF forum where people find the details mentally draining. Don't give up. Use your mind.
    "Don't let a damned soul stomp on you for your age, but instead show them that you can be just as good as them in both morals and judgment"- 1 Timothy 4:12 in my own words that I can relate to.

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  3. #3
    Junior Member syorro's Avatar
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    Thank you, it's appreciated

  4. #4
    Senior Member Kensei's Avatar
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    You're welcome abd if you or any other fellow ENFP's need a hand, I'll be browsing the forums :p
    "Don't let a damned soul stomp on you for your age, but instead show them that you can be just as good as them in both morals and judgment"- 1 Timothy 4:12 in my own words that I can relate to.

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  5. #5
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    It all sounds really typical which is funny because you're saying you feel like you're looking at type to explain these things. As an ENFP myself I am all too familiar with your feelings of being in the middle, like an impartial peace maker that nobody asked for and is running around trying to understand and make people feel supported.

    Unfortunately I can't pretend like I have a good way out of this because I do still tend to be this way especially among friends and family. But something that's freeing to me is trying to just let things be how they are between others and only worry about your personal relationships with any given friend. In reality that's all you can control unless someone explicitly comes to you for help (in which case I think you'd do a great job helping people see the other sides).

    All that said I know that kind of unrest is uncomfortable so I'm sorry you're dealing with it. Best wishes!
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.
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  6. #6
    Junior Member syorro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by five sounds View Post
    It all sounds really typical which is funny because you're saying you feel like you're looking at type to explain these things. As an ENFP myself I am all too familiar with your feelings of being in the middle, like an impartial peace maker that nobody asked for and is running around trying to understand and make people feel supported.

    Unfortunately I can't pretend like I have a good way out of this because I do still tend to be this way especially among friends and family. But something that's freeing to me is trying to just let things be how they are between others and only worry about your personal relationships with any given friend. In reality that's all you can control unless someone explicitly comes to you for help (in which case I think you'd do a great job helping people see the other sides).

    All that said I know that kind of unrest is uncomfortable so I'm sorry you're dealing with it. Best wishes!
    Thank you! It is kind of frustrating, but I'll keep trying my best.

  7. #7
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Giving unsolicited advice is not "helpful", especially if someone has indicated it is not welcome.
    The ENFJ is not respecting the INFP's wishes.

    Otherwise, you describe this INFP entirely in negative terms, so I am not sure why you are even friends. Perhaps he picks up on this attitude (highly likely), and that is why he acts rather defensively around you.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  8. #8
    Junior Member wu lan's Avatar
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    I see this situation as :
    the INFP is still immature. INFP is also an idealist but the idealism in each type would be different, as I read, I haven't read more.

    why I see the INFP is still immature because you said he would come back to mbti to justify his actions. All of it could be true, what he maybe fail to remember is that all of our actions, no matter what caused it, no matter what influence it, it is all come back to us to choose whether we want or should do it or not.

    sure the mbti explains a bit of your actions, after knowing it, wanting to continue to do it or change it is all up to you.

    In all respect, what I can suggest you is to pat his shoulder gently to make him recalls that he lives in society with so many different people in it. It is a long process after finally finding what justify yourself to make you feel okay to be yourself and come back to reality as we have to act supposedly, unless you are highly rational.
    about ENFJ friend, in some cases, Introvert feel as if the E doesn't have the lower-self esteem as I, therefore IN think that E doesn't understand how IN doesn't have all the courage the E has. E-friend should be more gentle to handle this I friend and vice versa, I-friend should understand that his problem is not very rational if he thinks twice about it and that what makes E-friend raging. Everyone is different
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  9. #9
    Senior Member misfortuneteller's Avatar
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    I don't actually like other NF types that much... I dislike INFJs the most and ENFPs can annoy the hell out of me with their unfiltered Ne which makes them come off as so theatrical. I actually don't mind the ENFJs that much even if i dislike Fe a lot.

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