Once again I feel so existentially alone. I practically don't have any friends in the deepest meaning of the word, especially after I got rid of my dear ESFP friends after h behaved badly towards me. Blamed me of things which I hadn't done, suspected me being some kind of evil masterminder and generally not trusting me when he should have. I told him the facts after which he apologized but it was kind of late for that, my trust had shattered. And this wasn't the first time I had a problem with him but before I'd managed to let those pass, guess there was an invisible line there somewhere. Maybe when he called me a dictator.
"Oh, I just go with what I am feeling and say what I think" he said while apologizing.
Yeah. Like there were any thinking involved.
Add to is my annoying need to be with the people when they don't have the need to be with me, except when they need a listener or comforter. Then they pour their souls and problems on to me, rarely even thank me and leave. For once it would be nice if someone asked me how I'm doing and stayed long enough for me to answer. But let's face, it usually goes like this:
"I'm having really bad problems of belonging."
"Oh, that's horrible. Have I ever told of the period when I had the exact some feeling? I was... (skip to the end) ...but then I learned to not care about it and maybe that's something you should do too. Sorry, I have to go."
I'm just so tired of being the weirdo. I perfectly understand that other people can't be blamed for not understanding what I am going through. It is just so unfair.
Sorry for my rant.