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  1. #1
    The Lost One Nico_D's Avatar
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    Default Other miserable INFJ's here?

    Once again I feel so existentially alone. I practically don't have any friends in the deepest meaning of the word, especially after I got rid of my dear ESFP friends after h behaved badly towards me. Blamed me of things which I hadn't done, suspected me being some kind of evil masterminder and generally not trusting me when he should have. I told him the facts after which he apologized but it was kind of late for that, my trust had shattered. And this wasn't the first time I had a problem with him but before I'd managed to let those pass, guess there was an invisible line there somewhere. Maybe when he called me a dictator.

    "Oh, I just go with what I am feeling and say what I think" he said while apologizing.

    Yeah. Like there were any thinking involved.

    Add to is my annoying need to be with the people when they don't have the need to be with me, except when they need a listener or comforter. Then they pour their souls and problems on to me, rarely even thank me and leave. For once it would be nice if someone asked me how I'm doing and stayed long enough for me to answer. But let's face, it usually goes like this:

    "I'm having really bad problems of belonging."
    "Oh, that's horrible. Have I ever told of the period when I had the exact some feeling? I was... (skip to the end) ...but then I learned to not care about it and maybe that's something you should do too. Sorry, I have to go."

    I'm just so tired of being the weirdo. I perfectly understand that other people can't be blamed for not understanding what I am going through. It is just so unfair.

    Sorry for my rant.
    "The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever that it is not utterly absurd."
    - Bernard Russell

  2. #2
    I could do things Hard's Avatar
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    Don't limit yourself to just looking for other INFJ's. There are all different kinds of people that may or may not relate to what you are experiencing. You're limiting yourself unfairly to seek out only one type.
    MBTI: ExxJ tetramer
    Functions: Fe > Te > Ni > Se > Si > Ti > Fi > Ne
    Enneagram: 1w2 - 3w4 - 6w5 (The Taskmaster) | sp/so
    Socionics: β-E dimer | -
    Big 5: slOaI
    Temperament: Choleric/Melancholic
    Alignment: Lawful Neutral
    External Perception: Nohari and Johari


  3. #3
    The Lost One Nico_D's Avatar
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    You are probably - most likely - right. I'm just so out of it. Just waiting for someone to say something magical which turns everything on it's head and makes me feel again that I can handle this. Currently, I can't.
    "The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever that it is not utterly absurd."
    - Bernard Russell

  4. #4
    I could do things Hard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nico_D View Post
    You are probably - most likely - right. I'm just so out of it. Just waiting for someone to say something magical which turns everything on it's head and makes me feel again that I can handle this. Currently, I can't.
    I don't think I can offer something in the way of words to help you here. If I tried I'd likely make it a lot worse. In light of that, I will offer this:

    MBTI: ExxJ tetramer
    Functions: Fe > Te > Ni > Se > Si > Ti > Fi > Ne
    Enneagram: 1w2 - 3w4 - 6w5 (The Taskmaster) | sp/so
    Socionics: β-E dimer | -
    Big 5: slOaI
    Temperament: Choleric/Melancholic
    Alignment: Lawful Neutral
    External Perception: Nohari and Johari


  5. #5
    The Lost One Nico_D's Avatar
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    Thanks for considering me. Beautiful vid.
    "The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever that it is not utterly absurd."
    - Bernard Russell

  6. #6
    AKA Nunki Polaris's Avatar
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    I think your problem has a very simple solution: look for new friends, friends who will accept you as you are, and don't stop looking until you find them. You'll be too busy to feel miserable, and once you're done, you won't have any reason to feel miserable. And you can hardly fail when you speak two languages on a planet with more than 6 billion people on it living in the age of the internet. If you fail, it's because you've decided to give up.

    Also, I would be very surprised if you've had to deal with more loneliness and misery than I have dealt with and continue to deal with on a regular basis. I'm still kicking, so I'm sure you can keep kicking, too. Just ask yourself what you can do to give yourself a shot at improving your condition, and I can guarantee that you'll come up with numerous answers. Focus your energy on that, and don't waste time moping around.
    [ Ni > Ti > Fe > Fi > Ne > Te > Si > Se ][ 4w5 sp/sx ][ RLOAI ][ IEI-Ni ]

  7. #7
    The Lost One Nico_D's Avatar
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    Wise words, Polaris. I'm also aware that there is very likely far lonelier INFJ's - and others - on the planet than I am. I have a family. It's just this existential loneliness which is killing me.

    Searching for new friends is part of the solution, virtual or real, you are absolutely right about that. But as my problem is not to be accepted as who or what I am, it is also the other way around: I want to stop seeing how every potential friend is somehow unsuitable, to see their quirks and faults or intellectual or emotional incompetencies (sorry if I sound like a horrible snob, I don't mean that). I would like to get to know them slowly just as their get to know me but it feels like I'm always few paces ahead. I feel I see too much - and when I'm in a certain mindset (like this), everything I see gets twisted in my mind to be even more alarming than they actually are.

    Just so tired of getting disappointed that I fear I'm shutting people completely out. Truth be told, been here before and I've been without (outside of family) real-life social contacts for two weeks now and can't see that changing soon.

    But so far I feel good here. Thank you for that. (See, "so far", that's what I'm anticipating.)
    "The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever that it is not utterly absurd."
    - Bernard Russell

  8. #8
    Junior Member Poetica's Avatar
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    Hi! I'm an INTJ, but I can most definitely relate to what you're going through. I don't have any friends at the moment either, (because my two "best" friends moved away) but I can tell you that there are always opportunities to make friends. Like attracts like. They'll find you. I wouldn't worry too much about it
    “I write to give myself strength. I write to be the characters that I am not. I write to explore all the things I’m afraid of. ” -Joss Whedon

  9. #9
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nico_D View Post
    But as my problem is not to be accepted as who or what I am, it is also the other way around: I want to stop seeing how every potential friend is somehow unsuitable, to see their quirks and faults or intellectual or emotional incompetencies (sorry if I sound like a horrible snob, I don't mean that). I would like to get to know them slowly just as their get to know me but it feels like I'm always few paces ahead. I feel I see too much - and when I'm in a certain mindset (like this), everything I see gets twisted in my mind to be even more alarming than they actually are.
    Well, when you are able to accept people as human, flawed, you'll be able to accept yourself as human, flawed, and the separations you presently sense will shrink and minimize because they're not real. You know, I've been watching this pattern for a long while and have noted that virtually everyone feels alone and misunderstood in some way. Stop looking for other people to fill that void. Get to know yourself better and you won't feel so alone.

    In the meantime, here's a .
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  10. #10
    Senior Member great_bay's Avatar
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    They thought you were an evil mastermind? Did they not trust your Ni? lol

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