I believe that every relationship if based on some kind of transaction, who's turn it is doing what. And if the other doesn't ever do he's part, it starts to stick out and raising questions. Sure, he could just be like that like I am what I am like, but then the question is, does our friendship have a future. Future where both of us can be happy of our friendship or does it lead - increasingly - to a situation where one is happy and the other one is just keeping up the happy face not to hurt or disappoint the other.
To be precise, I'm not expecting it, that was a bit poor wording on my part. It's an basic assumption of mine - my hypothesis - that being like that, taking people into account, asking how they're doing and listening and responding to that, would lead to deep everlasting friendships. I've seen enough of the other kind to say that it won't lead to that. I can tolerate up to point, I can do it, I've done it a lot, but it gives me very little.
To trust that I have his best interest in my heart. That I'm not scheming or lying or bending the truth or anything.Trust you to do what? In what way should he trust you?
I don't know the answer. I would say yes. I would like to think I am. You don't seem to have a problem. But I know many would say no. But I have said to this particular friends, and actually many others, that if there's ever anything they want to know, they can come and ask me. I said this to him just a couple of weeks before.A gentle question - do you think you are an easy person to ask?
You are right. But I am forced to live in moment. "Don't think about it!" And I try to do that to the best of my ability. I enjoy(ed) the moments when we were together, immensely, I didn't think of the future. I forgave him once before he screwed up again, I forgot about the future and what my intuition was saying. And also, I think to come and ask me is also living in the present, it's about controlling himself, not necessarily about being impulsive and an ESFP. ESFP can't be used as a "free from the jail" card.Or is your expectation that an ESFP, the most "live in the moment" type there is, and you the most "plan in the future" type of person there is, is your expectation that he should be able to do anything but process in the moment, this moment, blurting out emotions, fair?
There's enough people that "like all the people" can be used to describe anything. The point was, people take the easiest or the most natural way out - not the most logical or even the most human. I hope you don't suggest that this is such to me, we wouldn't be having this discussion if it were. He has been difficult for the last year and I've let those pass - like he has let my complaining of his behaviour pass. I have trusted that it will turn out okay, we will be fine. But when the problems are getting bigger, the trust is fading away, the problems aren't gonna go away. I've tried to face them, he has little interest. He has apologized to me, and then screwed up again. What's right amount of apologies for me to say, this is not going to work?And taking it a little further, now you are ending a relationship just "like all the people" do. He hurt you and didn't trust you and now you will end it. Hey, I've seen it a hundred times, people walking away from people. Do you realize that you too are being "like all the people" and I can say the same thing about you are saying about your friend?
I'm not arguing or disagreeing with you just on principle or because you make me feel bad. I'm not actually feeling bad but I don't want you to think I'm saying that to negate everything you have said. You have said a lot of valuable things. But also, I'm not so sure if we are really speaking of the same framework - which could be in because of my language barrier. I can't tell my ideas and open my thinking as fully as I could in my language. Maybe. Maybe you understand me nonetheless.
I value your company, time you are giving to my problem, your compassion and understanding. Really, I do.