I don't like emotional surprises and therefore tend toward familiar habits and watching before engaging, to a fault at times.
Can you elaborate on "emotional surprises"? And what would non-emotional surprises be?
I like EXXJ types, but sometimes am frustrated about their inability to give up control and even want to oversee me. I admire the STJ ability to order their environment and know where everything is, although I am unable to do it myself.
"I took one those personality tests. It came back negative." - Dan Mintz
I guess what I mean is that I can handle surprises in my external environment - none of those really have much to do with my own sense of self and are only inconvenient problems that need solving. However, it's disorienting when I thought I had an accurate picture of what I could expect from someone or a read on what they thought about me or how they would relate to me and then out of nowhere am surprised negatively when I am least expecting it. It makes me question whether my perceptions of anything are real or if I have any accurate way of orienting myself to my environment.
I do like to take charge, but only when the moment is ripe for it. I usually prefer to let other people manage things--they usually know what they're doing, and are willing to do it.
It doesn't bother me when people are late when I want them to be late; otherwise it does bother me.
I always like to know what is going to happen, so that I can prepare myself and take full advantage of the situation, but that doesn't usually require me to use a schedule. My form of planning is to make if-then statements or design a project that can be modified and carried out at my own pace. I do not like choosing exact times and dates for things. I don't naturally think about the future in such specific terms. Rather than say, "I will do X at 5 o' clock on March 23rd," I would prefer to say that I would like to do something the next time the skies are clear (for example), and will do it if I don't come up with better plans.
I do not like most surprises, because I'm not in my element when things are happening that I didn't expect to happen and didn't have the opportunity to prepare for.
[ Ni > Ti > Fe > Fi > Ne > Te > Si > Se ][ 4w5 sp/sx ][ RLOAI ][ IEI-Ni ]
I concur about the emotional surprises. It's incredibly disorienting. Especially if it's done publicly- that makes the disorientation a lot worse and it takes a lot longer to clear itself up. Other kinds of surprises- e.g. car breaking down, losing keys, leaky faucet, etc- can be really annoying, but they don't make me question my perception in such a pervasive way.
How does J affect me? Well, I need to know what my next big move is going to be, and I love planning for the future. I develop tunnel-vision very easily, as a result. People are always surprised when they find out how dead-set I am on future goals. The certainty I exhibit when I talk about my life plans is in stark contrast with how I'm generally perceived to be. I'm overly accommodating (pushover, almost) and soft-spoken during daily interactions with others. At a restaurant, I'll let someone switch meals with me if they decide they don't like what they ordered, because I like to make people comfortable and because I don't sweat over the small stuff. I never get mad when someone shortchanges me.
But I pretty much shrug off family and friends, and everyone else, when it comes to the transformative, big life events.
Because I'm in my early twenties, I think I can come off as surprisingly obnoxious. People always ask me if I'm sure about my choices. I am! Yes. Always. Even if I'm (unknowingly) making the wrong choice, in the moment, I am 100 percent sure.
I'm just waiting for life to slap me down, as punishment for the overconfidence. Then I'll become a sweetheart INFP.
Also, I become insanely aggressive when it comes to discussing politics and social issues. I become so abrasive-- it shocked an ex-boyfriend, 10 months into the relationship. He told me that before that conversation, I seemed so gentle and kindhearted, like someone who never got mad.