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  1. #11
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fia View Post
    This is really complex, so I realize there must be a great deal of context I can only imagine when reading it.

    Psychology discusses the idea that we have a real and ideal self, and when these are too far out of alignment, it causes cognitive dissonance. I think the same thing can happen socially - we can have an ideal and real sense of society that can cause inner dissonance when they are too different. I suspect this is an especially tough issue for NFs, because it is our nature to be idealists in the more subjective realm.

    It helps me to realize that whatever acts of good or pain I can justify to myself is a similar process to what others do when they cause help or harm. Most people feel justified when they are hurtful to others. In their mind it is typically justice - even for extremely cruel people. I also try to realize that if I had lived their life, then I might be justifying the same sorts of harm on others. When I do kind acts in the world, it is reassuring to me that humanity as a whole has this capacity.

    I understand the feeling of not being able to take too much social interaction, and I shut down very quickly when confronted with nonsense, ego-based, cruel behaviors from people. It makes me feel like I'm dizzy and nauseated in a house of funny, distorted mirrors. It frightens me to think I'm the same basic being, but just subjected to a different set of experiences and conditions. I can get very depressed about nonsense and cruelty, and so my main way to connect to people is through charitable acts because it sometimes calms the other person down and brings out the best in them. I have a gotten angry when hurt on a personal level, but the cost is so high to me because I'm wracked with guilt over any outburst, even if everything I said was true. My socialization tends to be really structured, as in teaching or performance groups. I can relate to your need for some type of social connection, but the inability to be "social".
    Yes, I relate the the guilt of feeling like I have attacked or hurt somebody. I also experience the dizzy nauseated feeling you described and recognize that everybody justifies there actions and that nobody is truly evil in their own eyes. I am often disappointed by the selfish, nonsensical behavior of others and cannot see why they cannot show more love for their fellow travelers on this rock hurtling through space. I have found that even I enjoy luxury, yet the guilt I feel for depriving others usually counterbalances this. I feel misunderstood by just about everybody and only you really seem to "get" it. I am not the infinite well of love I wish I was and I have needs for enjoyment and happiness like everybody else. That is the idealist curse that we share, I suppose.
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Holland Code: AIS
    Date of Birth: March 15, 1996
    Gender: Male
    Political Stance: Libertarian Liberal (Arizona School/Strong BHL)
    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
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    SCIENCE ENTHUSIAST


    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

    -Magic Qwan

  2. #12
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chthonic View Post
    Does being an extrovert mean you love being constantly exposed to the rampant and raw feelings of others without discrimination? You may love others but you probably don't love the emotional dumps many people spew forth as their main form of communication. Is your placid facade a strong enough armour to protect you from the barrage of insecurities and negative feelings that most people clothe themselves in?

    I doubt you are a recluse and I wouldn't wish it upon you. It's not a satisfying life. I wouldn't be one if I had a choice. But maybe you would be better in more intimate communication with fewer people than in the maelstrom of large groups and constant conflict?

    And it's not self-centred to seek assistance or even just a chat. We all need that.

    My contradictions? I'm a misanthrope but I want to assist people wherever I see the need. I don't love humanity, but I care for individuals. I want others to be happy but my manner of communication often makes others irritated and unhappy. I cannot lie to people so they can feel better, I want to solve their problems so they can feel better, but they'd much prefer the lie.
    We are not that different...
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Holland Code: AIS
    Date of Birth: March 15, 1996
    Gender: Male
    Political Stance: Libertarian Liberal (Arizona School/Strong BHL)
    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
    and
    SCIENCE ENTHUSIAST


    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

    -Magic Qwan

  3. #13
    yap yap yap xenaprincess's Avatar
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    You seem to be such a questioning soul!

    I think helping or counseling others may be, at least in little bits, good as distractions from your own head. Worrying takes such energy. I know. I am very much the same way. I have periods of annoyance and then guilt about my annoyance. It is terrible.

    Does listening to music help? I recommend regular exercise. I used to swim regularly and it helped so much.
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  4. #14
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xenaprincess View Post
    You seem to be such a questioning soul!

    I think helping or counseling others may be, at least in little bits, good as distractions from your own head. Worrying takes such energy. I know. I am very much the same way. I have periods of annoyance and then guilt about my annoyance. It is terrible.

    Does listening to music help? I recommend regular exercise. I used to swim regularly and it helped so much.
    It does, and with the exception of being sick the last two days, I've started exercising.
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Holland Code: AIS
    Date of Birth: March 15, 1996
    Gender: Male
    Political Stance: Libertarian Liberal (Arizona School/Strong BHL)
    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
    and
    SCIENCE ENTHUSIAST


    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

    -Magic Qwan
    Likes xenaprincess liked this post

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