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  1. #11
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rosemilk View Post
    Oh wow I had no idea. I like *all* their things, though
    Tell them that. They like it very much.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.
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  2. #12
    I could do things Hard's Avatar
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    I don't enjoy starting conversations unless there is an explicit external reason to do so. Why? I just don't like pulling things out of thin air. It feels hollow and forced, and I worry the other will notice that I'm trying to fill the dead space.

    I need a reason to talk, and it's difficult to create it on my own.
    MBTI: ExxJ tetramer
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    Socionics: β-E dimer | -
    Big 5: slOaI
    Temperament: Choleric/Melancholic
    Alignment: Lawful Neutral
    External Perception: Nohari and Johari

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  3. #13
    climb on Showbread's Avatar
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    Interesting. I live with an ENFJ and she is not shy at all about starting conversations. In fact, the INFPs and INTP I know find her directness off-putting. Although, the better I get to know her the more I think she could be an ENTJ.
    Friends, waffles, work

    "The problem is, when you depend on a substitute for love, you can never get enough" - Louis Cozolino

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    *Gryffindor*

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  4. #14
    I could do things Hard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Showbread View Post
    Interesting. I live with an ENFJ and she is not shy at all about starting conversations. In fact, the INFPs and INTP I know find her directness off-putting. Although, the better I get to know her the more I think she could be an ENTJ.
    One of my good friends is an ENFJ 7w6, and she'll initiate a conversation with anyone. Sometimes people need to tell her to stop.

    I'm wondering if there is any correlation at all at play here.
    MBTI: ExxJ tetramer
    Functions: Fe > Te > Ni > Se > Si > Ti > Fi > Ne
    Enneagram: 1w2 - 3w4 - 6w5 (The Taskmaster) | sp/so
    Socionics: β-E dimer | -
    Big 5: slOaI
    Temperament: Choleric/Melancholic
    Alignment: Lawful Neutral
    External Perception: Nohari and Johari


  5. #15
    climb on Showbread's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hard View Post
    One of my good friends is an ENFJ 7w6, and she'll initiate a conversation with anyone. Sometimes people need to tell her to stop.

    I'm wondering if there is any correlation at all at play here.
    Maybe. I'm not sure what my roommate's enneatype is. She tests 2, but I think I would be more likely to guess 1w2. It's kind of strange because she describes herself as extremely compassionate and merciful, but she is one of the least empathetic people I know. She's terrible at mirroring emotions, and she doesn't know how to listen or validate feelings without trying to fix everything. She kind of turns people into projects and if you don't utilize the resources she gives you and "get better" at the rate she thinks you should she just kind of gives up on you. She's almost a nurse and yesterday she described caring for people who aren't willing to help themselves as a "waste of resources" and followed with "we should just let them die."
    Friends, waffles, work

    "The problem is, when you depend on a substitute for love, you can never get enough" - Louis Cozolino

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  6. #16
    I could do things Hard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Showbread View Post
    Maybe. I'm not sure what my roommate's enneatype is. She tests 2, but I think I would be more likely to guess 1w2. It's kind of strange because she describes herself as extremely compassionate and merciful, but she is one of the least empathetic people I know. She's terrible at mirroring emotions, and she doesn't know how to listen or validate feelings without trying to fix everything. She kind of turns people into projects and if you don't utilize the resources she gives you and "get better" at the rate she thinks you should she just kind of gives up on you. She's almost a nurse and yesterday she described caring for people who aren't willing to help themselves as a "waste of resources" and followed with "we should just let them die."
    Well, that does sound a lot like me. When was younger I used to fancy myself as extremely compassionate and merciful as well... HA! Yea ok. I'm not evil and heartless, but when it comes to compassion and mercy I am average or low in that department. A lot of it indeed comes from being 1w2. This realm is the big difference between my ENFJ 7w6 friend. She loves everyone, and wants to include everyone pretty much indiscriminately. I am not like that all. If I offer people advice or help and they don't progress I will indeed drop them because it's a waste of my energy, I got only so much to go around, and I don't see the point of it. When it comes to listening and validating emotions in others, that is a very cerebral and intentional process. One I trained myself to automatically do, but I still must do it with intent. I reconigize the importance of it. But, I would never say "we should just let them die." That's uh... borderline sociopathic?
    MBTI: ExxJ tetramer
    Functions: Fe > Te > Ni > Se > Si > Ti > Fi > Ne
    Enneagram: 1w2 - 3w4 - 6w5 (The Taskmaster) | sp/so
    Socionics: β-E dimer | -
    Big 5: slOaI
    Temperament: Choleric/Melancholic
    Alignment: Lawful Neutral
    External Perception: Nohari and Johari


  7. #17
    climb on Showbread's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hard View Post
    Well, that does sound a lot like me. When was younger I used to fancy myself as extremely compassionate and merciful as well... HA! Yea ok. I'm not evil and heartless, but when it comes to compassion and mercy I am average or low in that department. A lot of it indeed comes from being 1w2. This realm is the big difference between my ENFJ 7w6 friend. She loves everyone, and wants to include everyone pretty much indiscriminately. I am not like that all. If I offer people advice or help and they don't progress I will indeed drop them because it's a waste of my energy, I got only so much to go around, and I don't see the point of it. When it comes to listening and validating emotions in others, that is a very cerebral and intentional process. One I trained myself to automatically do, but I still must do it with intent. I reconigize the importance of it. But, I would never say "we should just let them die." That's uh... borderline sociopathic?
    Yeah, it's been a pretty intentional process for me too. My first instinct is to fix! But I've gotten a lot better at loving people where they are and realizing they might not want to change and it's not for me to decide. Depending on their level of functioning/how effectively I can set emotional boundaries I generally try to stick with it.

    Hopefully she was kidding... Especially since she is a nurse. I really really really wanted to snarkily quip, "I thought you were against physician assisted suicide?" or "But, what if God decides to heal them later?" She gets super rigidly Bible-thumper about those things. But, for the sake of conflict avoidance I resisted. Maybe I am growing up after all...
    Friends, waffles, work

    "The problem is, when you depend on a substitute for love, you can never get enough" - Louis Cozolino

    3w2 6w7 1w2
    *Gryffindor*


  8. #18
    Senior Member RedAmazoneFriendZone's Avatar
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    I don't know about ENFJ. What I can say is that, as an extrovert, I don't start conversations if I protect myself for a reason or another.

    With strangers, I start conversation because I often notice people are afraid and I feel playful and joyful, and open minded...etc

    With people who argue a lot but can be interesting (like some ENTJ) I prefer to let them talk, keep my energy and thoughts to myself, and then go straight to the point.

    With people I know that all depends of the situation, how I feel with them on the moment...


    How do other extroverts react ?

    Are ENFJ very observant ?
    ALL THAT WE SEE OR SEEM TO BE IS BUT A DREAM WITHIN A DREAM
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  9. #19
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    Oh I hope they don't feel the need to protect themselves. I like listening to them and talking to them so much, and I find them so interesting.

  10. #20
    Senior Member BluRoses's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rosemilk View Post
    Oh I hope they don't feel the need to protect themselves. I like listening to them and talking to them so much, and I find them so interesting.
    Everyone is their own person. I think it's interesting how even within a type (like ENFJ) people can choose to act very differently. I often start conversations with those I am friends with and love, but it is also true that I am aware I need to emotionally protect myself at times also, especially in a new relationship. I have had a couple people who are close friends now, say that I seemed "reserved," when they were first getting to know me and now they think it's funny because I am so bubbly. I think this shows that until ENFJs know you well, they often test the waters, to see if they can trust you enough to show their inner core.

    I encourage you to tell the ENFJ as directly as you can that you care about them, or at least that you like it when they initiate conversations. I am sure that they will respond well to you telling them how you feel. If you don't want to say too much, maybe just say, "I really enjoy our conversations, but I have trouble starting them sometimes. What do you want to talk about?" Also a "I enjoy hanging out with you." Would not fall on deaf ears, I'm sure! Good luck!
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