I currently going through a very hard time and I feel stuck and desperate, talking about it makes me feel better and this is why I'm posting today. Thank you in advance to the people who will take the time to read
I'm an ENFP and I've been living with this ISTP guy for two years now. We met as roommates and became best friends. We were very very close, I don't think I've ever been this close with anyone in my life but nothing romantic has ever happened, I just love him deeply as a friend.
Last year he got a new girlfriend who kind of intruded in our life. We were always together and he told me everything and when she arrived I lost a lot of this. Since its normal, I tried as hard as I could to accept it because well, she's the girlfriend and I'm only the best friend.
In december I found out she was making fun of me for being so attached to him and that he didn't do anything about it. I made a scene to him about it been betrayal and was very sad. They denied everything and things eventually got better. Since like four weeks now, he's been spending all his time with her and another friend and leaving me out completely. Going from "I tell you what I do all day so you know and we find time to see each other at home and have fun" to "I'm home but don't care about seing you, I don't need you anymore I have my girlfriend" hurt me really bad and I'm a very direct person, I told him all this.
I told him that we were growing apart and that since we were living together I was facing it everyday and couldn't avoid feeling hurt and he said he was just fed up of people.
Two days later, nothing had changed and I felt like he was really avoiding me because I'd seen him like two times in the week and it didn't seem to matter to him. We had a very long talk about me being to attached and about the fact that this year was the last of us being roommates. He told me clearly that yes he was avoiding me and fed up of me because I was "making too much drama". His examples were the thing that happened in December and the times I talked to him about us growing appart. I agread that it was my fault and said I was sorry and we ended the conversation really well.
We haven't seen each other since then, it's been three days. We text again but it seems forced like we kind of update each other on what we're doing but none of us asks to see the other. I've been rejected by him too much in the past weeks + the confirmation that he is bored of me to do that, and apparently it doesn't bother him because he doesn't ask either. We're both avoiding each other now.
I felt better after the conversation because things were clear in my head : it's all my fault, I deserved what is happening to me, I'm too emotional, too attached and make too much drama so I had it going for me. I've talked to other friends and they were horrified to see he put all the blame on me and that I'm accepting it.
I'm lost, I'm now convinced I'm the problem. I miss him but know he's fed up of me so I don't want to go back to him because he doesn't care. He still says I'm one of the people he cares the most about and that I'm his best friend and I don't understand how he can say things like this and treat me like I'm insignificant. I'm so hurt, I've been completely honest to him, I told him my feelings and I'm just left here alone, feeling like crap and like I deserved to be abandonned.
All I ever told him is to please not abandon me because I was hurt that we were growing away and now things are worse than ever. Is it really my fault ? Should I just cry and suck it up and it's going to be ok ? I hate myself for having brought this on to me, I wish I wasn't like I am and that I hadn't bored him. I feel completely heartbroken, I don't understand how he can tell me all my flaws and just leave me there because I'm apparently a horrible person and too hard to live with