[ENFJ] ENFJ: Talk About Yourself!

[The Third Rider]

Hey guys! New ENFj here. Anyways I read some of the earlier posts and I agree with most of the stuff written there. I am a natural for trying to help out a friend in need and they tend to come to me so that they can relief their chest of any sort of problems that they may be having at the time. As far as music, I LOVE music, all sorts of it, I am not sure that Ican live with out it.

 

[Littlelostnf]

I've got a question for the very few ENFJ's on this forum...

When you feel the need to isolate from others...
first, what do you do?
second, how does it make you feel? (i.e. quilty, sad, relived...whatever)

 

[proteanmix]

I've got a question for the very few ENFJ's on this forum...

When you feel the need to isolate from others...
first, what do you do?
second, how does it make you feel? (i.e. quilty, sad, relived...whatever)

My feelings about isolating from other people depends on the length of isolation and the form it takes. I consider going out alone to a public place constructive alone time, but when I'm holed up in my apartment (which is what I've been doing) as potentially negative.

My sister (who was also my roommate) moved back home to save money so I've been living by myself for the last four months. When she first told me I selfishly fought against it because I've never lived alone and I didn't want her to leave. Now I'm loving it and what makes me feel guilty is I get a little mad when family and friends come over and I want them to leave so I can go back to being alone. In fact just this weekend one of my friends spent the night and I was a little too happy to see her leave. :hi: I've done that often enough over the last few months for me to think that I'm beginning to have a problem. I guess I'm trying to train myself to be alone and find pleasure in my own company. And I know this is going to really sound ignorant, but all this alone time is giving me too much time to think and my thoughts aren't exactly going in the right direction.

This summer I've been very low-key. I've reduced the amount of times I go out to about 1-2 per week (yes that is a reduction) and I've been home most weekends. I haven't called my non-local friends but once a month (usually I aim for every other week) and as far as I'm concerned become a hermit. I have mixed feelings about this, I like being alone but it's not my natural state for prolonged periods and I start feeling antsy and a little depressed. I feel guilty when I involve other people and make commitments that I don't want to keep anymore. There's an undercurrent to all this alone time that I find slightly disturbing. I don't know if it's a good or bad thing and I'm trying to decide if I want to wait around and see the results of this experiment.

 

[The Third Rider]

I've got a question for the very few ENFJ's on this forum...

When you feel the need to isolate from others...
first, what do you do?
second, how does it make you feel? (i.e. quilty, sad, relived...whatever)

When I am real tired, really pissed off or sad I want to be alone. There area also times when I want to be alone at my desk and not be bother anyone. How I feel afterwards depends if I had spent more time alone than what I needed or desired, which will make me feel lonely and slightly depressed. If I had someone who wanted to talk to me while I wanted to be alone it makes me feel bad (this happens quite a bit at my desk) because I usually send them to go do something and if they keep coming back I ignore them a little till they go away. Other than that I will feel just fine, relaxed and I will smile agian.

 

[Lookin4theBestNU]

When you feel the need to isolate from others...
first, what do you do?
second, how does it make you feel?

My first reaction is oddly enough denial. I always want to believe I can meet everyones demands/wants/needs. I want to think I am super woman. I then gradually start realizing that I am getting a bit overwhelmed. I will then start to feel guilty. Chances are I invited people to take up my time with open arms. I probably wasn't as good at setting boundaries as I'd hoped. I am married, have children, plenty of friends, a full-time job and additional social responsibilities. I always feel like I should be doing more. I feel weak sometimes when I need a break from it all. Wanting time alone and turning people away who want to spend time with me is hard. I feel like I keep people waiting which bothers me too. I wouldn't say I've become a hermit or anything but as I've gotten older I try to be careful not to take on more then I can do. I still haven't figured out the balance!

 

[Littlelostnf]

My first reaction is oddly enough denial. I always want to believe I can meet everyones demands/wants/needs. I want to think I am super woman. I then gradually start realizing that I am getting a bit overwhelmed. I will then start to feel guilty. Chances are I invited people to take up my time with open arms. I probably wasn't as good at setting boundaries as I'd hoped. I am married, have children, plenty of friends, a full-time job and additional social responsibilities. I always feel like I should be doing more. I feel weak sometimes when I need a break from it all. Wanting time alone and turning people away who want to spend time with me is hard. I feel like I keep people waiting which bothers me too. I wouldn't say I've become a hermit or anything but as I've gotten older I try to be careful not to take on more then I can do. I still haven't figured out the balance!

I hesitate to say ditto but lots of the above applies to me. I'm not married with kids but I think that makes people feel I have even MORE free time. I have all the rest of that stuff tho..full time job, family responsibilities, church responsibilities, social responsibilities. I'm working on the balance too...I MUST allow myself free alone time or I'd go insane

 

[runvardh]

Ouch on the 1-2 times a week PM, I'm an introvert and I'm finding 1-2 times a week too few for me. So far I've been a little too lazy to do anything about it (I've been at 0-1 for the last few months), but this week I'm making the change for more than 2 times a week. Hoping for a snowball effect where I enjoy it enough that I don't have to feel I'm putting effort in just to escape the house.

 

[Littlelostnf]

Ouch on the 1-2 times a week PM, I'm an introvert and I'm finding 1-2 times a week too few for me. So far I've been a little too lazy to do anything about it (I've been at 0-1 for the last few months), but this week I'm making the change for more than 2 times a week. Hoping for a snowball effect where I enjoy it enough that I don't have to feel I'm putting effort in just to escape the house.

huh?

 

[runvardh]

huh?

What don't you understand?

 

[Littlelostnf]

What don't you understand?

I wasn't sure what you were talking about at all. Sorry. Could you expalin what you mean please...is it about going out.

 

[proteanmix]

I think he was replying to me about how I've reduced the amount of times I go out to once or twice per week and even though he's an introvert, he goes out more than that.

 

[Littlelostnf]

I think he was replying to me about how I've reduced the amount of times I go out to once or twice per week and even though he's an introvert, he goes out more than that.

Oh ok thanks because I wasn't sure what I'd said that made him respond like that. Thanks.

 

[runvardh]

I think he was replying to me about how I've reduced the amount of times I go out to once or twice per week and even though he's an introvert, he goes out more than that.

thanks, your post was the last one when I started but two others got between in the mean time.

sorry about that lost...

 

[Littlelostnf]

thanks, your post was the last one when I started but two others got between in the mean time.

sorry about that lost...

No problem...you see my name fits...I was lost for a bit...but
I'm back!

NOW....another ENFJ question please...how many of you just have a feeling you're right about something or someone but work hard to prove yourself wrong when it happens that you're right about something that's not very nice.

example: You have a feeling about a situation or a person (and it's not good)and you're not sure why..you don't want to be right about it so you look for all the signs you can that you are actually wrong (even when you KNOW you're not)

did that make ANY kind of sense?

 

[Theory]

^I get that a LOT.

 

[The Third Rider]

No problem...you see my name fits...I was lost for a bit...but
I'm back!

NOW....another ENFJ question please...how many of you just have a feeling you're right about something or someone but work hard to prove yourself wrong when it happens that you're right about something that's not very nice.

example: You have a feeling about a situation or a person (and it's not good)and you're not sure why..you don't want to be right about it so you look for all the signs you can that you are actually wrong (even when you KNOW you're not)

did that make ANY kind of sense?

Well I llke to think that I have really good intuition so I always fallow my gut feeling (which tends to right most of the time). If I know that a person is not "good" I wouldn't try to disprove it because that would mean that I am trying to scape the reality of the matter and I would be lying to myself. On the contrary I would try to find out why I am feeling that this person is making me feel that way about them.

 

[proteanmix]

I've had brief but intense physical reactions (my stomach will twist into knots) to people that I absolutely knew I wasn't going to get along with. Those only happen about once a year, but I trust those completely. I also have dreams about people that I think show me aspects of their personality that I should avoid. This past May I had a dream about my boss freaking out on me two nights in a row and then it happened the last week of the month. Coincidence? I don't know but I tend to go with those also.

Then sometimes I'll just get this little weak feeling that I'm not going to like someone and I try to ignore those because those tend to be for things like they make a comment that I don't like or do something to someone that I find questionable. I try to let of enough of those instances accumulate before I believe them.

 

[Pseudonym_Alpha]

I don't think ENFJs like to talk about themselves, I'd rather talk to and about other people.

But it's nice to know someone likes us.

I agree, even though im "I"NFJ, the same holds true for myself. I'm always more inclined to talk to and ask about how other people are holding up rather than myself.

 

[Theory]

^Yeah, I think the two types are very closely related (I have an INFJ brother, and we are eerily similar, so I can attest to this).

 

[Littlelostnf]

ENFJ's how many of you have taken the Cog Process test and if so what was your strongest function please.