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  1. #101
    Senior Member The Third Rider's Avatar
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    Hey guys! New ENFj here. Anyways I read some of the earlier posts and I agree with most of the stuff written there. I am a natural for trying to help out a friend in need and they tend to come to me so that they can relief their chest of any sort of problems that they may be having at the time. As far as music, I LOVE music, all sorts of it, I am not sure that Ican live with out it.
    ENFJ 3W4

    If you read this I am sorry to say that you just lost 5 seconds of your life that you wont be getting back.*

    *Actual time may vary.

  2. #102
    Senior Member Littlelostnf's Avatar
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    I've got a question for the very few ENFJ's on this forum...

    When you feel the need to isolate from others...
    first, what do you do?
    second, how does it make you feel? (i.e. quilty, sad, relived...whatever)
    for my life is slowed up by thought and the need to understand what I am living.

  3. #103
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Littlelostnf View Post
    I've got a question for the very few ENFJ's on this forum...

    When you feel the need to isolate from others...
    first, what do you do?
    second, how does it make you feel? (i.e. quilty, sad, relived...whatever)
    My feelings about isolating from other people depends on the length of isolation and the form it takes. I consider going out alone to a public place constructive alone time, but when I'm holed up in my apartment (which is what I've been doing) as potentially negative.

    My sister (who was also my roommate) moved back home to save money so I've been living by myself for the last four months. When she first told me I selfishly fought against it because I've never lived alone and I didn't want her to leave. Now I'm loving it and what makes me feel guilty is I get a little mad when family and friends come over and I want them to leave so I can go back to being alone. In fact just this weekend one of my friends spent the night and I was a little too happy to see her leave. I've done that often enough over the last few months for me to think that I'm beginning to have a problem. I guess I'm trying to train myself to be alone and find pleasure in my own company. And I know this is going to really sound ignorant, but all this alone time is giving me too much time to think and my thoughts aren't exactly going in the right direction.

    This summer I've been very low-key. I've reduced the amount of times I go out to about 1-2 per week (yes that is a reduction) and I've been home most weekends. I haven't called my non-local friends but once a month (usually I aim for every other week) and as far as I'm concerned become a hermit. I have mixed feelings about this, I like being alone but it's not my natural state for prolonged periods and I start feeling antsy and a little depressed. I feel guilty when I involve other people and make commitments that I don't want to keep anymore. There's an undercurrent to all this alone time that I find slightly disturbing. I don't know if it's a good or bad thing and I'm trying to decide if I want to wait around and see the results of this experiment.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  4. #104
    Senior Member The Third Rider's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Littlelostnf View Post
    I've got a question for the very few ENFJ's on this forum...

    When you feel the need to isolate from others...
    first, what do you do?
    second, how does it make you feel? (i.e. quilty, sad, relived...whatever)
    When I am real tired, really pissed off or sad I want to be alone. There area also times when I want to be alone at my desk and not be bother anyone. How I feel afterwards depends if I had spent more time alone than what I needed or desired, which will make me feel lonely and slightly depressed. If I had someone who wanted to talk to me while I wanted to be alone it makes me feel bad (this happens quite a bit at my desk) because I usually send them to go do something and if they keep coming back I ignore them a little till they go away. Other than that I will feel just fine, relaxed and I will smile agian.
    ENFJ 3W4

    If you read this I am sorry to say that you just lost 5 seconds of your life that you wont be getting back.*

    *Actual time may vary.

  5. #105
    Senior Member Lookin4theBestNU's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LLNF
    When you feel the need to isolate from others...
    first, what do you do?
    second, how does it make you feel?
    My first reaction is oddly enough denial. I always want to believe I can meet everyones demands/wants/needs. I want to think I am super woman. I then gradually start realizing that I am getting a bit overwhelmed. I will then start to feel guilty. Chances are I invited people to take up my time with open arms. I probably wasn't as good at setting boundaries as I'd hoped. I am married, have children, plenty of friends, a full-time job and additional social responsibilities. I always feel like I should be doing more. I feel weak sometimes when I need a break from it all. Wanting time alone and turning people away who want to spend time with me is hard. I feel like I keep people waiting which bothers me too. I wouldn't say I've become a hermit or anything but as I've gotten older I try to be careful not to take on more then I can do. I still haven't figured out the balance!
    "At points of clarity, I realize that my life on earth is meaningless, and that I am merely a pawn in a bigger game. A game I cannot possibly understand or have control of. Thankfully, before depression sets in, I drift back into my cloudy, bewildered daily routine." **Joel Patrick Warneke**

  6. #106
    Senior Member Littlelostnf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lookin4theBestNU View Post
    My first reaction is oddly enough denial. I always want to believe I can meet everyones demands/wants/needs. I want to think I am super woman. I then gradually start realizing that I am getting a bit overwhelmed. I will then start to feel guilty. Chances are I invited people to take up my time with open arms. I probably wasn't as good at setting boundaries as I'd hoped. I am married, have children, plenty of friends, a full-time job and additional social responsibilities. I always feel like I should be doing more. I feel weak sometimes when I need a break from it all. Wanting time alone and turning people away who want to spend time with me is hard. I feel like I keep people waiting which bothers me too. I wouldn't say I've become a hermit or anything but as I've gotten older I try to be careful not to take on more then I can do. I still haven't figured out the balance!

    I hesitate to say ditto but lots of the above applies to me. I'm not married with kids but I think that makes people feel I have even MORE free time. I have all the rest of that stuff tho..full time job, family responsibilities, church responsibilities, social responsibilities. I'm working on the balance too...I MUST allow myself free alone time or I'd go insane
    for my life is slowed up by thought and the need to understand what I am living.

  7. #107
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Ouch on the 1-2 times a week PM, I'm an introvert and I'm finding 1-2 times a week too few for me. So far I've been a little too lazy to do anything about it (I've been at 0-1 for the last few months), but this week I'm making the change for more than 2 times a week. Hoping for a snowball effect where I enjoy it enough that I don't have to feel I'm putting effort in just to escape the house.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  8. #108
    Senior Member Littlelostnf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    Ouch on the 1-2 times a week PM, I'm an introvert and I'm finding 1-2 times a week too few for me. So far I've been a little too lazy to do anything about it (I've been at 0-1 for the last few months), but this week I'm making the change for more than 2 times a week. Hoping for a snowball effect where I enjoy it enough that I don't have to feel I'm putting effort in just to escape the house.
    huh?
    for my life is slowed up by thought and the need to understand what I am living.

  9. #109
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Littlelostnf View Post
    huh?
    What don't you understand?
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  10. #110
    Senior Member Littlelostnf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    What don't you understand?
    I wasn't sure what you were talking about at all. Sorry. Could you expalin what you mean please...is it about going out.
    for my life is slowed up by thought and the need to understand what I am living.

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