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[INFJ] Maturity

NancyD

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I was told by a friend 16 years younger that I'm immature because I talk like I'm his age. It's kind of an inkling I had so it rang true. Why do some people seem to start out immature and progress through maturity while others may just stay at the same level - not necessarily starting out immature and not necessarily progressing. People used to think I was mature for my age so it just seems like it stayed steady and never changed. Any other INFJs relate? I don't drink or do any drugs so that is not a factor. I'd like to mature.
 

Mole

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I was told by a friend 16 years younger that I'm immature because I talk like I'm his age. It's kind of an inkling I had so it rang true. Why do some people seem to start out immature and progress through maturity while others may just stay at the same level - not necessarily starting out immature and not necessarily progressing. People used to think I was mature for my age so it just seems like it stayed steady and never changed. Any other INFJs relate? I don't drink or do any drugs so that is not a factor. I'd like to mature.

What would you like to mature into?
 

NancyD

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I don't know. Maturity has always been a confusing topic for me. I used to not be concerned with it at all. I thought it had no importance. However, younger people can seem wiser to me some times. Actually, I just remembered that I read maturity is a myth among many myths our society creates. That was in a book by Malcolm Gladwell. If I had remembered that earlier, I would not have made the thread. haha.
 

Mole

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I don't know. Maturity has always been a confusing topic for me. I used to not be concerned with it at all. I thought it had no importance. However, younger people can seem wiser to me some times. Actually, I just remembered that I read maturity is a myth among many myths our society creates. That was in a book by Malcolm Gladwell. If I had remembered that earlier, I would not have made the thread. haha.

We live in a society that worships youth, in part because they are a demographic with cash.

Of course it is worse for women who are valued for their youth and fertility.

This leads to the Peter Pan syndrome where we want to be young forever. But the only way to be young forever is to die young.

Introverts have the possibility of maturing into their full gifts. Introverts have the possibility of flowering into maturity.

And an important path to maturity for introverts is to practice systematic relaxation. A good place to start is Ainslie Mears' book Relief Without Drugs.
 

NancyD

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No, it's not Peter Pan syndrome. I don't try not to mature. That idea is very odd to me.
 

BadOctopus

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Could you please give some more examples of ways in which you think you are immature, or which other people have accused you of being immature?
 

NancyD

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Well, I really don't know because I don't know what it is like to be other people, of course. I think because I'm not the type to get married and have kids, people may think I'm immature because I don't have marriage and kid concerns? One person said something like that. That is not a Peter Pan issue. I know the world is overpopulated so I would never do something as illogical as bring more people into the world. Also, I don't like the idea of a relationship having a contract with the state. So, I don't feel those are immaturity issues.
 

Studmuffin23

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I was told by a friend 16 years younger that I'm immature because I talk like I'm his age. It's kind of an inkling I had so it rang true. Why do some people seem to start out immature and progress through maturity while others may just stay at the same level - not necessarily starting out immature and not necessarily progressing. People used to think I was mature for my age so it just seems like it stayed steady and never changed. Any other INFJs relate? I don't drink or do any drugs so that is not a factor. I'd like to mature.

You're not one bit immature, from what you've shared. Acting younger than their age is pretty typical for INFJs

INFJ adults are frequently described as "great big teen-agers" by people. And based on the interactions I've had with fellow INFJs, I must agree with this observation. It's one of the things that separates them from their INFP cousins.
 

NancyD

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You're not one bit immature, from what you've shared. Acting younger than their age is pretty typical for INFJs

INFJ adults are frequently described as "great big teen-agers" by people. And based on the interactions I've had with fellow INFJs, I must agree with this observation. It's one of the things that separates them from their INFP cousins.

That's good to know. Thanks. (I hope you weren't being sarcastic. ha!) I never heard of the "big teenager" thing before.
 

Studmuffin23

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That's good to know. Thanks. (I hope you weren't being sarcastic. ha!) I never heard of the "big teenager" thing before.

No sarcasm. It's really true.

In fact, this much-overlooked trait of INFJs has led many MBTI enthusiasts to mistake us for ISxPs. (So annoying)
 

Mole

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The Mature Introvert

Well, I really don't know because I don't know what it is like to be other people, of course. I think because I'm not the type to get married and have kids, people may think I'm immature because I don't have marriage and kid concerns? One person said something like that. That is not a Peter Pan issue. I know the world is overpopulated so I would never do something as illogical as bring more people into the world. Also, I don't like the idea of a relationship having a contract with the state. So, I don't feel those are immaturity issues.

Overpopulation and State contracts seem like rationalisations to me. And you seem unaware these are rationalisations. This is indicative of psychological defences.

We enter maturity by becoming aware of our psychological defences, and where appropriate, dismantling them.

So if you present as an adult without any awareness of your own psychological defences, then you will be seen as immature.

The problem for introverts if they don't mature is that they become more and more absurd the older they get.

So introverts can become more and more absurd as they age, or they can discover the gifts introversion bestows and fully flower as a mature introvert.
 

reckful

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So introverts can become more and more absurd as they age, or they can discover the gifts introversion bestows and fully flower as a mature introvert.

Would you say that you've fully flowered?
 

Mole

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This is actually a very serious issue and has nothing to do with immaturity.

Precisely. That is why I think it is a rationalisation of your feelings. It serves to hide your feelings from yourself. And you think it serves to hide your feelings from a mature introvert.

But you have come to the wrong place for advice, for mbti serves the interests of the immature, and mbti is like giving a stone to a drowning person.

And it seems to me that although you ask for advice, you actually don't want advice, instead you want your immature rationalisations validated by us. And there are many immature members here who will do exactly that.
 

reckful

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But you have come to the wrong place for advice, for mbti serves the interests of the immature, and mbti is like giving a stone to a drowning person.

Well, I still don't know how fully flowered you are, but it sounds to me like you're petaling your usual nonsense in this thread.
 

GarrotTheThief

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sometimes you have to immature to be mature.

being mature all the time makes one a sort of spoiled-brat-golden-child. It's really narcissistic.
 

Eluded_One

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I was told by a friend 16 years younger that I'm immature because I talk like I'm his age. It's kind of an inkling I had so it rang true. Why do some people seem to start out immature and progress through maturity while others may just stay at the same level - not necessarily starting out immature and not necessarily progressing. People used to think I was mature for my age so it just seems like it stayed steady and never changed. Any other INFJs relate? I don't drink or do any drugs so that is not a factor. I'd like to mature.

This is a good example of FE. When a person is acting mature, it's to express an authoritative influence, which is often contrary to FE, depending on the context. FE is often used to allow others feel that they are on the same level as you (or sometimes higher). It helps lower down defenses and sways the recipient to feel "safe" (mirroring).

You probably have a well-developed FE and haven't realized it. Speaking [immaturely] and being are two separate things.
 

Mole

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We are born without control, and over the next 22 years we learn control of ourselves with the help of our parents, teachers and friends. And at about 22 we reach full control of ourselves we and our parents are rightly proud of our achievement.

Some of us never mature further and diligently maintain control for the next 60 years of our life. This becomes rigid and absurd.

If we wish to mature beyond control, we need to let go of control, and discover creativity.

So a normal part of our development is to be immature while we are striving to gain control of ourselves. But failure of our further development is to cling to control, and fail to develop our creativity.

In the past the failure to develop our creativity didn't matter much because our life expectancy was so low. But today we have an extended life expectancy and if we cling to control and fail to develop our creativity we become absurd.
 

BadOctopus

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Well, I still don't know how fully flowered you are, but it sounds to me like you're petaling your usual nonsense in this thread.
"Petaling". I'm ashamed to admit how long it took me to catch that.
 
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