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  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    MBTI
    ENFP
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    4w3 sx
    Posts
    13

    Question how to cope with SF family members? (coming from an ENFP)

    To preface, I am not naive. Of course, everyone will have familial problems, and nothing is perfect. I'm still new to these ideas on personality typing, but after researching and reading this forum, I've come to think that a part of the problem is that I am an ENFP living in a ST dominated family.

    My father is not ST, and if I had to take a guess, I would think he is INTP. Highly intellectual, and non-aggressive unless "poked" too much, almost like a bear. Very passive when it comes to parenting, let's my mother make all the decisions and seems absent from an outsiders point of view, but I can tell he loves me and my brother very much. This is the reason I say ST dominated; my mother comes next. He is always glued to a book, and loves classical music, and is interested in discussing art or current events with me when I ask.

    My mother is decidedly ESTJ, and we have always had friction, from what I can remember in my younger years. I was always imaginative, with my heads in the clouds, and would always be extremely sensitive. I used to cry if I didn't finish my ice cream, because I didn't want it to "melt and die." I'm your typical ENFP. On the other hand, my mother has never had the "patience for my antics" and will never seem to care about how I truly am, as a person with complex feelings and emotions. To her, if I am physically safe, physically healthy, and have completed all of my work, I am a box to be checked off as completed. She does not understand the idea of mental illness, and when I discuss my emotions with her she tends to pat me on the head and send me away, brushing the problem under the rug because it isn't significant. It's incredibly frustrating, and debilitating, to deal with her. This seems unfair, but to me, she seems philistine. She rarely appreciates music, doesn't understand art, hates discussing anything other than extremely superficial topics. She is a hard worker who is incredibly intelligent, and I admire her for that. There is no doubt in my mind that she loves both my brother and I, and will provide for us to the ends of the earth, but she also has an extremely short fuse that often ends in screaming and moving through the house like a bull in a china shop. It's very jarring. Growing up, the decibel of her yell would shake me to my core. That, combined with the other aspects of her personality, have made for a very poor relationship.

    I'm not sure how to proceed, because I have tried discussing with her on multiple occasions a desire to work on our relationship. In therapy sessions I used to have (which she belittled me for with crude humor about my state of mind) my therapist would often ask me to get my mother to attend once or twice with me. In response to my therapist, who called on the phone when I was in the room with my mother, my mother furiously yelled at her and me, stating that she was not the problem and any troubles I had were my fault and that she did not want to get involved or be blamed for my own issues. I could not make this up.

    At this point, and it pains me to say this, I think minimal contact would be best. I'm open to any other suggestions, and thanks for reading! This has been extremely cathartic to simply put into words.
    “I was ready to love the whole world, but no one understood me, and I learned to hate.” - Mikhail Lermontov

    33% Extravert ~ 50% Intuition ~ 75% Feeling ~ 11% Perceiving
    4w3 SX // ENFp
    Sanguine | Phlegmatic
    Right Brain Dominant

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    1,628

    Default

    I'd worry more about NTs and STs; in your case, NTP and STP, who conflict with your Fi function. NFP and STJ are duals.

    Additionally, INFP is Se-PoLR so you may have difficulty with SFPs. But for the most part, you have more to fear from STPs and NTPs than any SFs.

  3. #3
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w3 sx
    Posts
    13

    Default

    yes rereading this I meant to type ST in the title of the thread, not SF; if you read the post, I referenced SF. My mistake! I feel dumb now
    “I was ready to love the whole world, but no one understood me, and I learned to hate.” - Mikhail Lermontov

    33% Extravert ~ 50% Intuition ~ 75% Feeling ~ 11% Perceiving
    4w3 SX // ENFp
    Sanguine | Phlegmatic
    Right Brain Dominant

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