User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 29

Thread: INFJs as kids

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    9?
    Socionics
    EII Ni
    Posts
    7

    Default INFJs as kids

    I recently did a MBTI-type test tailored for kids and to my great shock received the result that my younger child might be an INFJ - same type as me. Shocked me because I had of course observed many similarities between her and myself as a child, but I did not guess - and certainly did not wish - for her to be an INFJ as well. Being INFJ is great (getting better all the time), but I frankly think life might be easier having another type..

    But I was wondering whether you fellow INFJs have memories of your own childhoods of behaviors/traits you believe were related to your type? Or perhaps observations of your children who you think might be INFJ? Or other types who remember "type-indicative" behaviors from your childhood?

    One thing I have thought might be due to type - an extreme avoidance of hurting other's feelings, including not only people, animals but also inanimate objects: I asked my daughter which of the Disney princesses is her favorite. Her answer: All of them, because I do not want any of them to feel bad. As a child I remember having difficulties e.g choosing an apple from the fruit basket because I did not want the other apples to feel bad...

    I was never much aware of how I was feeling physically, how the clothes I was wearing felt, whether I was sitting in an uncomfortable position or reading in much too weak light.. I wonder if this might be due to not relying much on sensing, either internally or outwards.

    I was an avid reader, loved to spend time in the fantasy worlds of books or created by my own imagination. I also really needed the time off from reality.

    These were the first childhood traits I came to think of, would love to hear yours!
    Likes Video, velveteen liked this post

  2. #2
    Senior Member Ene's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Enneagram
    9w8
    Posts
    3,545

    Default

    @Bunny

    I hope this isn't too long!

    As a child I was very observant. I spent lots of time in a quiet little world of make believe.

    Yet, I loved the world of nature. I spent hours upon hours in the woods near my home.
    I took in and memorized everything about my world, and not only the natural world, but also people.

    I was actually a fast runner, agile, good with animals (rode horses, raised pigs) had an incredible imagination and a rich fantasy-life. I remember being compassionate to animals and wanting all people and creatures to be treated fairly. However, I did have a vindictive side and was guilty of running over a cousin with a bike, locking a boy in a port a pottie, tying my brother up and hanging him on the wall, and beating the crap out of a snob who called my mom a bad name, among a few other things. So, I definitely had a temper.

    My parents found me quaint and highly entertaining. I lived to create, was constantly developing games for other kids to play, created secret languages for them to speak and wrote character scripts to help them pretend play with me, because some of their imaginations needed assistance.

    I wrote poetry, which I hid, enjoyed climbing trees, bluffs, etc., jumped out of barns, rode motorcycles, and rarely got injured. I took risks, but they were always calculated risks. I was bad at team sports due to my small size. I also had a disdain for most jocks, because I thought they were arrogant, but I was great at cross country and gymnastics. I once won a dance contest. I wrote songs and stories, dissected things and had a fascination for aquatic life and plants. I would dissect and draw the native plants found in my region.

    I daydreamed a lot in school yet somehow still absorbed everything and made good grades. I took great notes, yet doodled all over my papers. I was quiet and easy to get along with, but had a fiery temper beneath the surface. I was never shy, just reserved. People sometimes mistook it for shyness or timidity.

    I read a lot, dreamed of sailing the world, uncovering lost civilizations and becoming an artist/author.

    Okay, hope this is what you were looking for.
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14

  3. #3
    Senior Member Studmuffin23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    9
    Posts
    171

    Default

    The basic theme of my childhood is people-pleasing. The approval of my parents, peers, and elders meant a lot to me; too much, really. I ended up spending most of my young years trying to imitate the behavior of popular people, pretending to be someone that I'm not. I try to erase that period from my mind.

    Then again, I wasn't all Fe as a kid. With a passion for history, languages, geography, and ancient civilizations (becoming an archaeologist is still my dream), my parents could hardly keep me from the library; this was probably my first noticeable trait. I would take home stacks and stacks and stacks of books on these subjects and devour them on my spare time. When not reading, I would follow my parents around and passionately lecture them with this new and exciting information. They were very patient with me. When I tried to share my interests with other kids of course, they labeled me as a "weirdo". But I didn't understand this, so I often lashed out at them for being "shallow" or "ignorant" (there's that classic INFJ elitism at work). Naturally, I ended up alienating everyone, and did not have a friend again until my teen-age years. A really depressing time.

    I was a Luke Skywalker-ish teen-ager; cooperative, friendly, and idealistic. My parents often talk about how much they enjoyed me at that age.

    Today I'm just a bored, run-of-the-mill INFJ who lives with his parents and works as a handyman. I would probably be mistaken for an ISTP by people who don't know me very well.

  4. #4
    Senior citizen velveteen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEI Ni
    Posts
    149

    Default

    I didn't have a very happy childhood, but I think the imagination and compassion that I had as a child helped me cope with it, because I could disappear into my own bubble of wild and bright fantasies at the end of the day after taking care of my alcoholic father. I was very mature for my age, learned to read properly around 3 or 4, was polite and had a very strange grown-up sense of humour, became a vegetarian at a very young age (because I didn't want to eat my friends) and I loved school (and wanted to become a surgeon or a witch, or a painter, or a teacher, or a children's book writer, or a pscyhologist etc) until I (for some reason still unknown to me) started being bullied by other kids.

    I always felt misunderstood and held back as a child, and I still do.
    joharinohari
    Likes labyrinthine, Bunny liked this post

  5. #5
    Senior Member Ene's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Enneagram
    9w8
    Posts
    3,545

    Default

    Oh, I forgot to mention that I often felt detached as a child. And I failed to answer your question about people pleasing. I DID want to please my parents. I loved them so completely, but my first four years of school were rocky. I got in trouble just about everyday of first grade, for talking, for fighting on the bus, for defying my teacher (I was very stubborn). I hated school until fifth grade then one teacher earned my trust, respect and love. Afterwards, I wanted teachers to like me. From ten years old upward, I was a pretty good kid and a decent student.
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14
    Likes labyrinthine, Bunny liked this post

  6. #6
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    MBTI
    INfJ
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    3,683

    Default

    There used to be a page on INJ/Ni dom children that I found relatively accurate. It was part of the Personality Page site, and it isn't there anymore (the site is, the thing about 'types' as children isn't- and I don't know how to use that way-back machine sorcery enough to find it). But I do have this copy/pasted version:

    [eta: Found the archived versions and started a different thread to compare/discuss different types' descriptions and/or how much is type related.]


    INJ Traits
    They have vivid imaginations
    They're curious about everything, and are always asking "Why?"
    They enjoy spending time one-on-one with others, rather than in large groups
    They're often off in their own world, and have a dreamlike quality
    They enjoy art and music
    They love books, and especially enjoy fiction
    They're likely to hang back and watch before participating in a social situation
    They're intensely private, and don't always share their thought and feelings
    They like structure and are unsettled by chaos or unplanned events
    They prefer sports that focus on individual performance rather than team sports
    They are perfectionists
    They're serious and intense
    They often seem older than they are, and may have older friends
    They are original and independent, and value their uniqueness
    They're not overly concerned with grades, but they want to completely understand a subject that interests them

    Potential Strengths
    They're usually very intelligent
    They can grasp the big picture easily
    They can see any far-reaching consequences of their actions
    They're very resourceful
    They are extremely creative and imaginative
    They easily come up with good ideas
    They're usually well-liked by their peers
    They will completely master a subject that interests them
    Their desire to be in control of themselves makes them take responsibility for their actions
    They are usually confident in their ideas, and know instinctively when they are right about something

    Potential Weaknesses
    They have short attention spans
    They get bored easily with details or routine tasks
    They won't put any effort into doing something that doesn't interest them
    They frequently don't hear people
    Once they have made up their mind about something, they can be very stubborn about it
    They ignore details
    They are unsettled by change, and don't usually adapt well to new situations
    They're uncomfortable and somewhat overwhelmed by large groups
    They are rather unaware of their environment, and seem "out of it"
    They are rather self-centered, and may be unaware of how their actions or words affect others
    They can be controlling and bossy
    Although they come up with ideas easily, they don't do as well implementing their ideas

    INJ Learning Style
    INJs are extremely curious and intellectual children who need a wide variety of mental stimulation. When they are interested in a subject, they will naturally want to know everything about it. Teachers should be prepared to point INJ children towards sources where they can learn more about the subject.

    INJ children don't do well with tasks that require following prescribed steps in a plan or rote memorization. They find these kinds of things extremely boring, and they will resist doing them. They also don't like to do things repetitively. Once they have done something once, they are done with it and want to move on to the next thing. To keep things interesting for the INJ, teachers should give them the basic theory and the desired outcome, and let them figure out how to get there on their own.

    Teachers should realize the INJ's weakness of not always being aware of their environment, and recognize that if an INJ didn't hear the teacher, it doesn't necessarily mean that they weren't listening. Sometimes the INJ's private world overtakes the INJ to the point that they completely tune out their environment. As much patience as possible should be shown with this characteristic. INJs will develop some control over this as they grow older.

    INJs love to come up with ideas, and naturally want to put their ideas into some kind of structure or plan. They want to do this on their own, with little or no direction. They highly prize their ideas and their competence at performing their projects, and are threatened by someone giving them too much direction. This is almost an insult to the INJ, who bases a great deal of their self-esteem on their independence.

    INJs thrive doing independent projects that require creativity, such as science projects or writing projects. They will probably not enjoy group projects as much, although they are likely to be fine working with one partner on a project.

    Answer the INJ's many questions as thoroughly as possible. If you don't know the answer to a question, be honest and tell them that you don't know. Offer possible avenues for discovering the answer, such as library research.

    Present the rules and expectations clearly and consistently. INJs naturally crave structure and order. Although they don't want to be told exactly how to do something, they need to understand any rules clearly.

    INJ Special Needs

    INJ children need a good amount of time alone. They get most of their energy from within themselves and their rich imaginations, so they need adequate time alone to recharge their batteries. After a long day of school, the INJ may head to their room to spend some time alone. Respect this need of your child's, and understand that once they have spent time alone they will be ready to interact with you. Don't push them to be around yourself or others until they have spent some quality alone time. An INJ who doesn't get the chance to spend any time alone will be irritable, cranky and tired.

    INJs who have made up their minds about something can be quite stubborn and unwilling to compromise. When faced with an INJ who has "dug in their heels" about something, take some time to present them with clear and valid alternatives to their way of thinking. This will help the INJ to not become overly rigid, pompous and unbending in their views.

    Socially, pre-teen INJ's are usually fairly reserved and may be intimidated by large numbers of people. They like to watch for awhile before participating. It's best not to push the INJ to interact socially before they are ready. Allow them to watch first, and jump in when they want to. If you are a very extraverted or gregarious adult, don't expect the same behavior your INJ child. INJs usually prefer to interact with one person at a time, and enjoy having a couple of close friends rather than a number of acquaintances. As the INJ gets a bit older, he or she will probably become more social. In the meantime, understand that your child is probably uncomfortable with large groups of people, and don't make them feel guilty for that fear. If your child is afraid of walking into large social situations alone, you might arrange to walk in with your child, or have your child go to the event with a friend.

    Too many suggestions or feedback on a project while it is still going on may interfere with the INJ's creative energy. Much of the interest in actually doing the project comes from the INJ's drive to prove their inner visions and independence. Any "interference" from the external world will confuse the INJ, and it may cause them to doubt themselves or their idea. In any event, it will usually cause them to lose interest in the project and abandon it. It's probably best to wait until an INJ's project is finished before commenting.

    Talk through their ideas with them one-on-one. This will help the INJ to put their ideas into context within the external world. The INJ doesn't naturally have a high awareness of how their intensely personal visions fit into the world. Getting them into the habit of talking through their ideas while they are young will help them develop the ability to apply their ideas realistically and effectively.

    (I plan to come back later to post my own two cents on the topic.)


    eta: And btw, I don't agree with all of it. I think things like "usually very intelligent" are silly (and end up causing contention, because it's not type related). But there are some things that stood out to me as very applicable to both me and my INFJ son, in regards to childhood characteristics.
    Last edited by Z Buck McFate; 01-13-2015 at 10:53 AM.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari
    Likes velveteen, chubber, labyrinthine, Forever, Ene and 3 others liked this post

  7. #7
    Senior citizen velveteen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEI Ni
    Posts
    149

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    There used to be a page on INJ/Ni dom children that I found relatively accurate. It was part of the Personality Page site, and it isn't there anymore (the site is, the thing about 'types' as children isn't- and I don't know how to use that way-back machine sorcery enough to find it). But I do have this copy/pasted version:
    Yes, yes, yes, I can relate to ALL of it. Thanks for posting it!
    joharinohari
    Likes Bunny, Z Buck McFate liked this post

  8. #8
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    isfp
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    8,594

    Default

    I was shy, afraid of adults yelling at me, and could get my feelings hurt a little too easily. I also admired Wonder Woman and would pretend I was her quite often. I was organized, was nicknamed super-packer and would pack the car for family trips. My sister and I spent hours playing complex stories with our dolls, considered our stuffed animals to have genuine feelings and souls, loved animals, and spent a lot of time in imaginary worlds. There was a big shift for me after puberty where I went from being my sister's little tag-a-long to being more of a loner, spending hours a day deep in thought trying to understand the nature of the universe and becoming obsessed with astronomy. I couldn't fit in with friends anywhere, felt intense loneliness most of my young life apart from my friendship with my sister, and obsessed over trying to connect with friends and philosophizing about reality and my place in it. I would cope by acting out imaginary stories right in the presence of other people if I was required to be in a crowd for school or something. I mostly socialized by being friendly to any kids who were odd-balls, left out, new at school, or lonely. I didn't care what their personality was like or if we were compatible as friends. If I felt their loneliness, I would listen to them and spend time with them until they found more compatible group of friends, then on to the next one.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)
    Likes Ene, velveteen, Bunny, AphroditeGoneAwry liked this post

  9. #9
    Musician Forever's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    7,240

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Bunny View Post
    I recently did a MBTI-type test tailored for kids and to my great shock received the result that my younger child might be an INFJ - same type as me. Shocked me because I had of course observed many similarities between her and myself as a child, but I did not guess - and certainly did not wish - for her to be an INFJ as well. Being INFJ is great (getting better all the time), but I frankly think life might be easier having another type..

    But I was wondering whether you fellow INFJs have memories of your own childhoods of behaviors/traits you believe were related to your type? Or perhaps observations of your children who you think might be INFJ? Or other types who remember "type-indicative" behaviors from your childhood?

    One thing I have thought might be due to type - an extreme avoidance of hurting other's feelings, including not only people, animals but also inanimate objects: I asked my daughter which of the Disney princesses is her favorite. Her answer: All of them, because I do not want any of them to feel bad. As a child I remember having difficulties e.g choosing an apple from the fruit basket because I did not want the other apples to feel bad...

    I was never much aware of how I was feeling physically, how the clothes I was wearing felt, whether I was sitting in an uncomfortable position or reading in much too weak light.. I wonder if this might be due to not relying much on sensing, either internally or outwards.

    I was an avid reader, loved to spend time in the fantasy worlds of books or created by my own imagination. I also really needed the time off from reality.

    These were the first childhood traits I came to think of, would love to hear yours!
    This sounds rather INFP to me with the inanimate objects having feeling kind of a Fi-Si characteristic plus the inclination to fantasize for the sake of it. Sorry. Although that probably wouldn't be the determining factor.
    @Z Buck McFate I really like the thing you put there.

    You do sound cool though.
    Likes Bunny liked this post

  10. #10
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    MBTI
    INfJ
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    3,683

    Default

    I've highlighted the aspects of the above description I posted that especially coincide with my own experience (with some of my own comments indented):



    Though I’ve seen it in many descriptions of INFJ children, I never really got the thing about people-pleasing. I generally only felt the need to please people (to pick up on what made them happy, and to use that observation to make them happy) where I felt that kind of consideration being aimed at me (or others) in the first place.

    I think this brief description from a Personality Junkie blog post sums up a huge gap for me (one of the things that made me feel different from other kids):

    From a young age, the INFJ innately senses the difference between behavior that is authentically motivated (i.e., spiritually and psychologically healthy) and behavior that is inauthentic or ego driven (i.e., spiritually and psychologically destructive). Respect out of duty isn’t freely given by INFJs who (to the chagrin of their elders) tend to see adults and children through the same lens and then judge them by this universal qualification: authenticity. If respect has been earned and the INFJ intuits an individual to be primarily authentic (or at least trying to live more authentically), it can be a huge letdown for INFJs when that individual shows him or herself to be a “sinner” or imperfect.

    (Though I wouldn’t have used the word “sinner” to describe it, more like ‘more ego driven/selfish/not particularly admirable or respectable behavior’- this^ is something that was very true for me.)

    So, I was very people-pleasing towards those individuals who I felt deserved it, but only those individuals. I generally dished out the amount of consideration to any single person in proportion to the amount they regularly dished out to others themselves- and it didn’t matter whether the person was an adult or a child, I really did see all of it through the same lens. I’m not sure how universally INFJ this is- but my son was the same way.


    Also: I was big on imaginary friends. I spent *a lot* of time playing with Batman and/or the Hardy Boys. And Apollo and Starbuck from (the original- I'm pretty old) Battlestar Galactica. I did a lot of fantasizing just for the sake of fantasizing, myself.
    Last edited by Z Buck McFate; 01-11-2015 at 05:51 PM. Reason: fix grammar
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari
    Likes Ene liked this post

Similar Threads

  1. Which types resist the most as kids?
    By Typoz in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 44
    Last Post: 11-20-2012, 10:44 PM
  2. [INFJ] INFJs as Chameleons?
    By Ribonuke in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 07-27-2012, 03:25 PM
  3. [JCF] cognitive functions questions, integration, and infj as NiTi
    By the state i am in in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 07-21-2012, 03:51 PM
  4. [INFJ] INFJs as teachers
    By karenk in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 44
    Last Post: 07-11-2011, 03:29 PM
  5. [ENTP] ENTP's as kids
    By Saslou in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 66
    Last Post: 05-23-2009, 10:16 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO