• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[ENFJ] Ask an ENFJ

geedoenfj

The more you know..
Joined
Oct 6, 2015
Messages
3,347
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
ENFJ opinions of the xNTP types?
They can be AMAZING and great company only when they want to, but I feel they underestimate other people's intelligence and think they got all the answers for themselves
 

ZNP-TBA

Privileged Sh!tlord
Joined
Jun 12, 2015
Messages
3,001
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
Instinctual Variant
sx
They can be AMAZING and great company only when they want to, but I feel they underestimate other people's intelligence and think they got all the answers for themselves

How is this any different than hanging out with an xNTJ?
 

ZNP-TBA

Privileged Sh!tlord
Joined
Jun 12, 2015
Messages
3,001
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
Instinctual Variant
sx
Ha, in truth, I tend to either find them annoying or fascinating... I could see myself easily falling for one if I let him in emotionally. In other contexts, I find them highly amusing.

How alike do you think INFJ and ENFJ females are? I've met ( and been with) plenty of INFJs but never an ENFJ. I know one ENFJ female and she's married to my INFP friend. We have pretty good banter but usually end up debating about something. :blush:
 

Tilt

Active member
Joined
Sep 18, 2015
Messages
2,584
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
3w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
How alike do you think INFJ and ENFJ females are? I've met ( and been with) plenty of INFJs but never an ENFJ. I know one ENFJ female and she's married to my INFP friend. We have pretty good banter but usually end up debating about something. :blush:

INFJs seem harder to access, more guarded, and aloof. ENFJs are typically more intense, expressive, and direct. But there are quieter ENFJs and more sociable INFJs so it can get tricky to differentiate. I would probably be considered one of the "quieter ENFJs" but there seems to be a controlled intensity about me that people seem drawn to.
 

ZNP-TBA

Privileged Sh!tlord
Joined
Jun 12, 2015
Messages
3,001
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
Instinctual Variant
sx
INFJs seem harder to access, more guarded, and aloof. ENFJs are typically more intense, expressive, and direct. But there are quieter ENFJs and more sociable INFJs so it can get tricky to differentiate. I would probably be considered one of the "quieter ENFJs" but there seems to be a controlled intensity about me that people seem drawn to.

I need to meet more ENFJs to get an accurate sample size. My buddy's wife is intense but pretty aloof too. She also loves people a lot more than any of us (my INFP friend or I) do. I'll give her props though, she is genuinely interested people as human beings while I'm more interested in peoples' ideas and not so much them themselves. :shrug:


And about INFJs, everyone says they are harder to access and a bit more complex. I never found this to be the case. They are kind of shy but love to talk to the right people I guess. I never had a problem with getting to know them.
 

Kheledon

New member
Joined
Oct 5, 2015
Messages
572
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
136
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
The ENFJ that I knew was EXTREMELY good looking and ladies where around him and I watched him enjoy manipulating them, I was maybe an equal interest for the guys and he tried to talk to me for a while or grap my attention multiple times but then he cut it off, he was behaving weird in my presence, I don't know if he was kind of intimidated by me or he thought of me as a challenge that he wanted to win, anyway instead of doing what he's doing to other ladies, he withdraw himself and started playing games from a distance and just enjoyed giving me mixed signs, but that didn't get anywhere.

Fascinating. Here's the problem that Socionics predicts will prevent two ENFJs from "hooking up," so to speak. ENFj has a "victim" erotic attitude. ENFj wants to be "conquered" by an "aggressor" type. Even worse, ENFj sees itself as a "prize" to be "won" by its suitors. If the ENFj you describe didn't feel that you were fighting for his attention or weren't actively pursuing him, it would be in his nature to just "give up" and look elsewhere. If he is as attractive as you suggest, turning his interest toward another suitor would be quite easy and effective for him.

Challengers/Trophies: EIE (ENFj) IEI (INFp)

These are the types who unconsciously throw a "gauntlet" down for their opponents. They know on an almost subliminal level exactly who they are looking for, and anyone who does not fit the bill will be subjected to a rather flakey, hot-cold game of courting tag. As a result, they may appear (both to others and to themselves) rather amorphous and can take on qualities of the other romantic attitudes, depending on the situation and who they are "challenging."

They may, for example, give the victim half his aggressor, the psuedo-aggressor a little victim, the caregiver a bit of his child, etc. They react best, however, to those who do not "break" as a result of their games, but grant them a level of autonomy. Healthy examples of this type will have a sense of self-esteem, and may think of themselves as the "prize" that will be given only to the rightful owner.

Socionics - the16types.info - Socionics Romancing Styles

Sound familiar? :shrug:
 

geedoenfj

The more you know..
Joined
Oct 6, 2015
Messages
3,347
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Damn, I used to think I was unique, but I keep finding doppelgangers in the world.

In an ENFJ thread, we only feel as unique as they feel..



:smile:
 

Tilt

Active member
Joined
Sep 18, 2015
Messages
2,584
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
3w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I need to meet more ENFJs to get an accurate sample size. My buddy's wife is intense but pretty aloof too. She also loves people a lot more than any of us (my INFP friend or I) do. I'll give her props though, she is genuinely interested people as human beings while I'm more interested in peoples' ideas and not so much them themselves. :shrug:

I have realized that I tend to like the idea of people more than people. I think I am just a hardened idealist...when push comes to shove, I try to make my close circle feel cared about and special. I can be an intense person, but my closest allies/friends tend to stick by me no matter what.
 

Kheledon

New member
Joined
Oct 5, 2015
Messages
572
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
136
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
ENFJ opinions of the xNTP types?
Two of my closest friends are ENTPs. I can talk to them for hours on end. We are quite compatible with one another--verbally expressive, highly inquisitive, and open-minded. I, however, am usually the first to abandon the conversation due to pure exhaustion.

There's not enough duct tape on Earth to shut the mouths of the ENTPs I know. They will keep talking forever. I enjoy it, almost always, but I can only take so much.

Socionics - the16types.info - Alpha Quadra: The Complex of Closed Mouth by Stratiyevskaya

Alpha Quadrant ... what's a poor Beta to do? :shrug:

Still, I really enjoy an ENTP's company (in relatively small doses). :wubbie:


Edited to add: It's a different ball game with ESFJ (also Alpha) because ESFJ isn't really inquisitive ... ESFJ just keeps on talking without much regard to my opinions or feedback. ESFJ I can tolerate only in very small doses, though I do have one relatively-close ESFJ friend.
 

ZNP-TBA

Privileged Sh!tlord
Joined
Jun 12, 2015
Messages
3,001
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
Instinctual Variant
sx
Two of my closest friends are ENTPs. I can talk to them for hours on end. We are quite compatible with one another--verbally expressive and open-minded. I, however, am usually the first to abandon the conversation due to pure exhaustion.

There's not enough duct tape on Earth to shut the mouths of the ENTPs I know. They will keep talking forever. I enjoy it, almost always, but I can only take so much.

Socionics - the16types.info - Alpha Quadra: The Complex of Closed Mouth by Stratiyevskaya

Alpha Quadrant ... what's a poor Beta to do? :shrug:

Still, I really enjoy an ENTP's company (in relatively small doses). :wubbie:

At least we'd keep duct tape manufacturers in business. :shrug:

It's Ne-Ti I think that drives some ENFJs nuts. ENFJs love talking about their ideas too but they typically have a degree of certitude about their ideas (similar to an ENTJ) and its this certitude that xNTPs lack, especially ENTPs. For us there's always another walnut to crack open and Ne-Ti enhances our analytical capability of your premise conjuring up more questions as to the logic of said premise. The only time we stop is when Fe finally reigns it in or if we're bored. If an xNTP engages in that much conversation with you then it means we usually have a high opinion of you otherwise we'd be dying of disinterest.
 

geedoenfj

The more you know..
Joined
Oct 6, 2015
Messages
3,347
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
How is this any different than hanging out with an xNTJ?

I think I find it easier to have a more logical and organized conversations with them than NTPs, until they push their Te through the discussion, I used to argue with that but then I decided to just give up and let them go with what they're convinced with..
But honestly, I find myself more attracted to NTPs than NTJs they're fun and that's so damn attractive, I'm married to an ENTP by the way
 

ZNP-TBA

Privileged Sh!tlord
Joined
Jun 12, 2015
Messages
3,001
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
Instinctual Variant
sx
I have realized that I tend to like the idea of people more than people. I think I am just a hardened idealist...when push comes to shove, I try to make my close circle feel cared about and special. I can be an intense person, but my closest allies/friends tend to stick by me no matter what.

Can you describe what you mean by intense more?
 

ZNP-TBA

Privileged Sh!tlord
Joined
Jun 12, 2015
Messages
3,001
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
Instinctual Variant
sx
I think I find it easier to have a more logical and organized conversations with them than NTPs, until they push their Te through the discussion, I used to argue with that but then I decided to just give up and let them go with what they're convinced with..
But honestly, I find myself more attracted to NTPs than NTJs they're fun and that's so damn attractive, I'm married to an ENTP by the way

Yep, pure structure in conversation with us is hard to come by(might be easier with INTPs). We're pedantic, nitpicky, and streamy with our thoughts. For me chaos creates order. Only when you shatter a concept with the good ol' Ti hammer and build it up from its logical scraps can a new understanding be achieved.

I appreciate Te and usually have a synthesis of minds with TJs instead of standoffish conclusion. I love their respect for evidence and real-time practical system building. My mind is often too abstract and having a Te conduit to translate my ideas into the real world is pretty damn enlightening and fun.

And yup, you're married to an ENTP so dealing with our bullshit everyday is old news to you.
 

geedoenfj

The more you know..
Joined
Oct 6, 2015
Messages
3,347
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
How alike do you think INFJ and ENFJ females are? I've met ( and been with) plenty of INFJs but never an ENFJ. I know one ENFJ female and she's married to my INFP friend. We have pretty good banter but usually end up debating about something. :blush:

????
I hope you're not making plans on your friend's wife, but if you like to find an ENFJ romance then good luck with that :)
My ENTP used to tease me a lot but I knew how to respond to those, I think thats why he loves me lol..
 

Tilt

Active member
Joined
Sep 18, 2015
Messages
2,584
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
3w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Can you describe what you mean by intense more?
I am basically the go to person if you want a "what is the meaning of life" type of conversations at 2AM... even when I am drunk. I will say stuff like, "I know you were meant to be in my life... I just had a strong feeling... I love you" one day and then the next day, I will be very business-minded and to the point to the same exact person.
 

ZNP-TBA

Privileged Sh!tlord
Joined
Jun 12, 2015
Messages
3,001
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
Instinctual Variant
sx
????
I hope you're not making plans on your friend's wife, but if you like to find an ENFJ romance then good luck with that :)
My ENTP used to tease me a lot but I knew how to respond to those, I think thats why he loves me lol..

I wasn't talking about romance necessarily and I'm no home wrecker. :rotfl: She was just my go-to example since my RL sample size of ENFJ specimens have been small.

But it looks like you've inoculated yourself well against the ENTP antics. As long as someone can do that (which a lot of people can't) I think any match with us is pretty good.
 

ZNP-TBA

Privileged Sh!tlord
Joined
Jun 12, 2015
Messages
3,001
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
Instinctual Variant
sx
I am basically the go to person if you want a "what is the meaning of life" type of conversations at 2AM... even when I am drunk. I will say stuff like, "I know you were meant to be in my life... I just had a strong feeling... I love you" one day and then the next day, I will be very business-minded and to the point to the same exact person.

So is it the time of night or alcohol that turns your switch from business-minded to personal?
 

Tilt

Active member
Joined
Sep 18, 2015
Messages
2,584
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
3w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
So is it the time of night or alcohol that turns your switch from business-minded to personal?

Nahh. I am implying that I am mentally intense all the time. Even when I am supposed to be relaxing, my mind is always ON... and people annoyingly encourage it. The nature of the goal is the switch.
 

ZNP-TBA

Privileged Sh!tlord
Joined
Jun 12, 2015
Messages
3,001
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
Instinctual Variant
sx
Nahh. I am implying that I am mentally intense all the time. Even when I am supposed to be relaxing, my mind is always ON... and people annoyingly encourage it. The nature of the goal is the switch.

Still not getting it. My mind is on all the time too but I wouldn't describe it as intense.
 

Tilt

Active member
Joined
Sep 18, 2015
Messages
2,584
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
3w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Still not getting it. My mind is on all the time too but I wouldn't describe it as intense.
My mind being always on, my level of effusiveness, my singular focus on goals is what I perceive to be intense. When I am saying intense, it is not synonymous with instability or being a loose cannon. I am usually fairly calm in my emotional expression but I still consider myself to be intense. I am actually very "calculated". The intensity refers to how strong my personality can come off.
 
Top