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Thread: Ask an ENFJ

  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kheledon View Post
    Supposedly, an ENFJ identity relationship is one of the few identity relationships that seems to work well. Only another ENFJ can truly understand the emotional intensity, extreme desire for intimacy, and basic instability of an ENFJ. Never tried it myself. I have an old ENFJ friend and an old ENFJ teacher, both of whom I adore, but I have never been romantically involved with another person of my type.

    I would warn you away from IxFj, however. Anybody who leads with Fi will have your beautiful and powerful Fe as their ignoring function. They can't tell when they're doing it, and they don't appreciate (or even recognize) when you're doing it--and it's your greatest strength. It's a waste of a beautiful ENFJ to be paired with someone who can't appreciate what you do best.

    For what that's worth.
    To be honest, an ENFJ male would terrify me in a romantic relationship, because the one I know is a really good-looking (probably at least a 8.5 to most people) wordsmith who has women swooning around him all the time. People, for the most part, just get enamored with him and his depth and words. We're incredibly close and we have some of the deepest conversations with each other but I think he's full of BS sometimes and I emotionally hold back from him. It's a fun little cat and mouse game because I argue with him instead of taking him for his word. In fact, the energy that you and @SearchingforPeace give off remind me a lot of him.
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  2. #52
    Senior Member Kheledon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Protege View Post
    To be honest, an ENFJ male would terrify me in a romantic relationship, because the one I know is a really good-looking (probably at least a 8.5 to most people) wordsmith who has women swooning around him all the time. People, for the most part, just get enamored with him and his depth and words. We're incredibly close and we have some of the deepest conversations with each other but I think he's full of BS sometimes and I emotionally hold back from him. It's a fun little cat and mouse game because I argue with him instead of taking him for his word. In fact, the energy that you and @SearchingforPeace give off remind me a lot of him.
    That makes perfect sense. As I said, I've never tried this kind of identity relationship. Frankly, I've only had three romantic relationships that I'd call "real" in my life, as I seek long-term commitments, but supposedly this one (ENFj/ENFj) works. Would anyone with some experience with this pairing like to chime in, here?

    At least one of my "real" romantic relationships, however, has been with an IxFj, and I can confidently say that this pairing was not particularly rewarding for either of us.
    MBTI: ENFJ
    M/B Functional Stack: Dominant--Fe, Auxilliary--Ni, Tertiary--Se, Inferior--Ti
    Ego (Jungian): FeNi
    Socionics: EIE-Fe, Beta
    Socionics Functional Stack: Program--Fe, Creative--Ni, Role--Te, PoLR--Si
    Enneagram Type 1
    Tritype 136
    Big Five: SCOEI - sxO|E|i
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    House: Slytherin (the "ethical teacher" type, i.e. Severus Snape)
    Color Code: Blue (intimacy-driven)
    Soul Type: Educator

    Sentio ergo sum.

  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kheledon View Post
    That makes perfect sense. As I said, I've never tried this kind of identity relationship. Frankly, I've only had three romantic relationships that I'd call "real" in my life, as I seek long-term commitments, but supposedly this one (ENFj/ENFj) works. Would anyone with some experience with this pairing like to chime in, here?

    At least one of my "real" romantic relationships, however, has been with an IxFj, and I can confidently say that this pairing was not particularly rewarding for either of us.
    Ha. You would probably never get bored. It would be like a state of ultimate utopia or the beginnings of WWIII. Maybe more quiet, patient ENFJ would pair well with a high-energy, emotionally intense one. I am of the latter variety. Like I only truly relate to some of what you say most of the time.

  4. #54
    Senior Member Kheledon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Protege View Post
    Ha. You would probably never get bored. It would be like a state of ultimate utopia or the beginnings of WWIII. Maybe more quiet, patient ENFJ would pair well with a high-energy, emotionally intense one. I am of the latter variety. Like I only truly relate to some of what you say most of the time.
    I was just imagining attending a party with another ENFj show-off like me. We'd have to split the group with each of us sharing, and somewhat dominating, conversation in our separate spheres--either that, or the two ENFJs would bicker/tease one another (at length) and serve as the principal entertainment for the whole crowd. LOL.

    Honestly, at parties I often isolate myself for short periods just so that I don't dominate too much. Other people need time to talk as well.

    I agree that there's a definite distinction between an Fe-EIE and an Ni-EIE. I also agree with you when you suggest that the combo above should work better than a pairing of two Fe-EIEs.
    MBTI: ENFJ
    M/B Functional Stack: Dominant--Fe, Auxilliary--Ni, Tertiary--Se, Inferior--Ti
    Ego (Jungian): FeNi
    Socionics: EIE-Fe, Beta
    Socionics Functional Stack: Program--Fe, Creative--Ni, Role--Te, PoLR--Si
    Enneagram Type 1
    Tritype 136
    Big Five: SCOEI - sxO|E|i
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    House: Slytherin (the "ethical teacher" type, i.e. Severus Snape)
    Color Code: Blue (intimacy-driven)
    Soul Type: Educator

    Sentio ergo sum.
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  5. #55
    breaking out of my cocoon SearchingforPeace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Protege View Post
    To be honest, an ENFJ male would terrify me in a romantic relationship, because the one I know is a really good-looking (probably at least a 8.5 to most people) wordsmith who has women swooning around him all the time. People, for the most part, just get enamored with him and his depth and words. We're incredibly close and we have some of the deepest conversations with each other but I think he's full of BS sometimes and I emotionally hold back from him. It's a fun little cat and mouse game because I argue with him instead of taking him for his word. In fact, the energy that you and @SearchingforPeace give off remind me a lot of him.
    Damn, I used to think I was unique, but I keep finding doppelgangers in the world.

    My ENFP friend says her marriage with he ENFJ ex was great except she felt completely smoothered and her Fi overwhelmed....

    I, for one, have never dated a FJ. I feared overwhelming others with my strong personality when I was younger, as I had plenty of times I got others to do my will, often with no effort on my behalf and it really bothered me. I didn't want to be a master manipulator like my brother. I felt I needed someone stubborn and strong willed, which I got in spades with my wife.

    I really enjoy my interactions with NFJs today and believe it would work for me now. The Fe unity thing would be nice, I feel. Oh, well....

    I really don't do socionics so I can't comment on that stuff.
    Quote Originally Posted by Archilochus
    The fox knows many things--the hedgehog one big one.
    And I am not a hedgehog......

    -------------------

    Jesus said "Blessed are the peacemakers" not "blessed are the conflict avoiders.....

    9w8 6w5 4w5 sx/so

    ----------------------

    “Orthodoxy means not thinking--not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness.”
    ― George Orwell, 1984
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  6. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by SearchingforPeace View Post
    Damn, I used to think I was unique, but I keep finding doppelgangers in the world.

    My ENFP friend says her marriage with he ENFJ ex was great except she felt completely smoothered and her Fi overwhelmed....

    I, for one, have never dated a FJ. I feared overwhelming others with my strong personality when I was younger, as I had plenty of times I got others to do my will, often with no effort on my behalf and it really bothered me. I didn't want to be a master manipulator like my brother. I felt I needed someone stubborn and strong willed, which I got in spades with my wife.

    I really enjoy my interactions with NFJs today and believe it would work for me now. The Fe unity thing would be nice, I feel. Oh, well....

    I really don't do socionics so I can't comment on that stuff.
    Ha. Not even close to doppelgangers... Different values and such but the energy and interaction style would probably be similar.

    Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my friend and enjoy other EXFJs, I tend to feed off the intensity, both good and bad, of other Fe dominants and will crash and burn quicker with them. I would personally eventually feel emotionally unstable because of the ongoing intensity. I wouldn't completely write off the possibility for myself...I would just be hesitant of the outcome.

  7. #57
    Senior Member Kheledon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Protege View Post
    I wouldn't completely write off the possibility for myself...I would just be hesitant of the outcome.
    Just noting a remarkably clear example of Dialectical-Algorithmic cognition.

    Gulenko on Dialectical-Algorithmic Cognition (EIE, ILI, LSE, SEI)

    Its advantages are obvious: it is the most subtle and flexible style. It can easily switch to an opposite direction, and possesses predictive ability, accompanied by an effective type of associative memory.
    ...
    The disadvantages in Dialectical-Algorithmic cognition include instability and uncertainty. Algorithmics suffer from difficulty in making choices and embracing unambiguous decisions.

    Socionics - the16types.info - Forms of Cognition by Victor Gulenko
    Open-mindedness coupled with indecisiveness flowing from Ni fears of making a bad decision? That's Dialectical-Algorithmic cognition as it manifests in EIE (ENFj).

    Off-topic, perhaps, but very illustrative.
    MBTI: ENFJ
    M/B Functional Stack: Dominant--Fe, Auxilliary--Ni, Tertiary--Se, Inferior--Ti
    Ego (Jungian): FeNi
    Socionics: EIE-Fe, Beta
    Socionics Functional Stack: Program--Fe, Creative--Ni, Role--Te, PoLR--Si
    Enneagram Type 1
    Tritype 136
    Big Five: SCOEI - sxO|E|i
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    House: Slytherin (the "ethical teacher" type, i.e. Severus Snape)
    Color Code: Blue (intimacy-driven)
    Soul Type: Educator

    Sentio ergo sum.

  8. #58
    Privileged Sh!tlord ZNP-TBA's Avatar
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    ENFJ opinions of the xNTP types?

  9. #59
    Senior Member geedoenfj's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Protege View Post
    To be honest, an ENFJ male would terrify me in a romantic relationship, because the one I know is a really good-looking (probably at least a 8.5 to most people) wordsmith who has women swooning around him all the time. People, for the most part, just get enamored with him and his depth and words. We're incredibly close and we have some of the deepest conversations with each other but I think he's full of BS sometimes and I emotionally hold back from him. It's a fun little cat and mouse game because I argue with him instead of taking him for his word. In fact, the energy that you and @SearchingforPeace give off remind me a lot of him.
    The ENFJ that I knew was EXTREMELY good looking and ladies where around him and I watched him enjoy manipulating them, I was maybe an equal interest for the guys and he tried to talk to me for a while or grap my attention multiple times but then he cut it off, he was behaving weird in my presence, I don't know if he was kind of intimidated by me or he thought of me as a challenge that he wanted to win, anyway instead of doing what he's doing to other ladies, he withdraw himself and started playing games from a distance and just enjoyed giving me mixed signs, but that didn't get anywhere.
    I think I agree with what @Kheledon said about the ENFJ-ENFJ relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by Kheledon View Post
    I was just imagining attending a party with another ENFj show-off like me. We'd have to split the group with each of us sharing, and somewhat dominating, conversation in our separate spheres--either that, or the two ENFJs would bicker/tease one another (at length) and serve as the principal entertainment for the whole crowd. LOL.
    I'm at a party, I don't need to be with my spouse all the time, we can see each other at home so what's the big deal, besides I let my man shine on, get as much attention as he can and just be one of his audience I don't have any problem with that at all
    Quote Originally Posted by Kheledon View Post

    Honestly, at parties I often isolate myself for short periods just so that I don't dominate too much. Other people need time to talk as well.
    I was in a wedding yesterday and I have a throat infection, but people wouldn't leave me alone lol..
    I don't feel like I dominate, I just feel I'm creating a positive energy then I withdraw myself for a while then get back, just on and off modes (I don't enjoy getting too much attention it makes me uncomfortable)
    Work for a cause not for Applause
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  10. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by ZombieNinjaPirate View Post
    ENFJ opinions of the xNTP types?
    Ha, in truth, I tend to either find them annoying or fascinating... I could see myself easily falling for one if I let him in emotionally. In other contexts, I find them highly amusing.
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