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  1. #1
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    Default Why do INFJs take ages to reply or not reply at all?

    INFJs what does it mean when:
    - you take long to reply to a text
    - not reply at all
    - make a verbal promise that you will definitely text someone to make plans with them and not follow through

    I've had a few INFJs do this. It honestly makes me wonder if my friendship is something they couldn't care less about. That would definitely be the case if I were to do this shananigan.

  2. #2
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    I can't speak for other INFJs but it really annoys me when people don't respond. I understand people are busy, but even a response to say how busy you're are and you'll respond later is better than nothing at all. That only takes a minute or two. That way I know at least you got the message.

    I suppose some people don't respond as a passive-aggressive tactic or don't want to hurt feelings. Just be honest with me.
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  3. #3
    Junior Member Susurrus's Avatar
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    Why not just ask them directly yourself? The answers you get may not be representative of the reasons your friends are not responding to your texts.
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  4. #4
    Suave y Fuerte BadOctopus's Avatar
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    Maybe your acquaintances are just dingbats, and the fact that they're INFJs is purely coincidental.

    It is annoying and disrespectful when people don't respond to your calls or texts, but I'm pretty sure every type does it.
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  5. #5
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    Yeah, not responding is generally against many things I hold dear: honesty, reliability, relationships, trust.

    The only time I might not respond is if I get the idea that the other person is talking/emailing/texting just out of obligation or whatever and doesn't really want to be communicating. In that case I might not respond just because I don't want to put him/her in the unpleasant position of having to keep up this unfortunate charade.

    OR if I really hate or despise the other person, and I feel like they're being a twerp and don't deserve my attention, then I may not reply. For example, if some guy bugs me & tries to flirt and doesn't take obvious & repeated hints (such as my refusing to smile and turning away), then I might ignore further communication from him.

    I might take a long time to respond because I'm crafting the perfect response. Or because I need to check a thousand possibilities to make certain that what I'm saying is absolutely reliable because I don't want to lead the other person astray accidentally. Or because I have 75 other obligations that I take just as seriously and I want to do every one perfectly so it takes a while to get through the list.

    If I promise to text and then don't, it's likely that I forgot. I probably forgot because I was in a hurry and had a lot on my plate and somehow that particular promise didn't make it onto my To Do List (either in my head, or elsewhere). I will feel very bad when I realize what I've done, and berate myself thoroughly for all the imagined stress & unhappiness the other person may have experienced because of my forgetfulness.
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  6. #6
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  7. #7
    Member Turtle's Avatar
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    This is very interesting, because I get a lot of flack for this, too.

    It doesn't mean I don't care about you. Usually what happens is that I read a text, and then immediately close it so that I can think of a response and reply later. I often end up forgetting about the text. This is a terrible habit that I can't seem to stop doing.

    I also find that I am generally unmotivated to reach out to people just to check in on them. If I text someone, I am aware that I may end up starting a long and pointless text conversation with them, and that kind of commitment being held over my head is kind of uncomfortable for me.

    Generally, a sign of me caring about you *a lot* is how often I respond to your texts. If I typically respond within the hour, that means something. But even if I care about you *a lot*, I won't respond to one-word messages or messages that don't warrant a response.
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  8. #8
    Senior Member cm81's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by faith View Post
    I might take a long time to respond because I'm crafting the perfect response. Or because I need to check a thousand possibilities to make certain that what I'm saying is absolutely reliable because I don't want to lead the other person astray accidentally. Or because I have 75 other obligations that I take just as seriously and I want to do every one perfectly so it takes a while to get through the list.

    If I promise to text and then don't, it's likely that I forgot. I probably forgot because I was in a hurry and had a lot on my plate and somehow that particular promise didn't make it onto my To Do List (either in my head, or elsewhere). I will feel very bad when I realize what I've done, and berate myself thoroughly for all the imagined stress & unhappiness the other person may have experienced because of my forgetfulness.
    That, and it depends on the discussion--discussion being a big word there; if it's a discussion, try describing your life in 30 characters(we're talking about texting, right?). If that doesn't stump you, you're either shallow, or you now hopefully have insight as to why we might hesitate in our communication. There are so many subtle nuances floating around at any given time-- a past, present and future all bleeding into each other that would ultimately, ideally, serve to form our perfect response, and it's hard to pinpoint exactly which one we should be focusing on. We see so much, real and imagined. Perfectionism is our form of procrastination. Then again, our intuition and Ti are prone to arguing; what is the nature and intention of your communication again?

    Trying to decipher your intention could be part of it. People do sometimes opt for leaving their phones at home, I being one of them, and there are times when texting simply isn't a polite thing to do. If it's important enough, you'll call. Trying to "discuss" over text is tedious and time consuming; an annoyance, at best. Now, if you're someone we may happen to have gained interest in, your trivial life details come with a warm welcome; we will literally swoon over that text where you disclosed to having eaten a carton of butter pecan watching star trek, for two weeks! It saves us the burden of having to ask what you're doing (initiating conversation with a crush is awkward, at best) because we're genuinely interested in knowing who you are, and forming a meaningful connection with you.

    The beauty of written text is that it gives us the allowed space and time to think things through... unless that time and space is limited. You'll still receive a better response than if you were to ask the same questions in person, unless your INFJ in question has had sufficient time to trust you openly with their thoughts. (Not being demanding of immediate answers, and a willingness to listen are your greatest allies in *really* knowing what it is we have to say)
    "The true genius shudders at incompleteness, preferring silence to everything that it should be." Edgar Allen Poe

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  9. #9
    Senior Member Opal's Avatar
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    INFJ or not, I, like @Turtle, put messages off if a response doesn't form immediately. Sometimes I leave good friends hanging for days.
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  10. #10
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    If it requires decision making that I don't have the answers for right away, I tend to put off replying and then forget about it sometimes. I also postpone replying if the response matters a lot to me and I want to do a thorough job of replying but don't have time to properly do it right then. Then my response gets old and I feel guilty and it gets delayed further. Texts are usually something that I check when I'm busy and so sometimes don't think of replying again until later when I see the text later. In any case, it's rarely about me not caring about the other person and has more to do with my own indecision or distraction.
    Likes cm81, oneandonly, velveteen, labyrinthine liked this post

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