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  1. #11
    Pubic Enemy #1 Crabs's Avatar
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    i'm new to typology, but i've got the opposite problem. i'm esfj and my boyfriend is infp. he's a really sweet & caring guy, but it's hard to know what he's thinking sometimes. he rarely shows his emotions and when he does, they've been bottled up for so long, it's a little overwhelming. he's a type 4 on the enneagram.

  2. #12
    Member melomania's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pixie sticks View Post
    i'm new to typology, but i've got the opposite problem. i'm esfj and my boyfriend is infp. he's a really sweet & caring guy, but it's hard to know what he's thinking sometimes. he rarely shows his emotions and when he does, they've been bottled up for so long, it's a little overwhelming. he's a type 4 on the enneagram.
    I don't know very much about the Enneagram yet, so I don't know where I would fall on that scale, but I can tell you that it's very natural for me to bottle things up because it causes me a lot of anxiety when I'm faced with having to confront someone. Also, when I first start to feel bothered or offended by something, it's not always clear to me how to explain WHY it's offensive to me, so if I just react before I work out what I want to say, then I end up sounding totally ridiculous...(from my husband's perspective, it probably seems like I'm just overreacting to some random incident for no logical reason, because I can't always explain why I'm upset in the best way)

    If you start to get the feeling like something might be wrong, maybe try to just check in and say something like "I'm getting the feeling you might be upset about something and I'm here to listen if you want to talk about it."

    Also, there have been times when my husband and I are talking something out and I perceived what happened as an argument or a fight, and that would leave him totally bewildered because from his perspective we were just "debating" or just having a "normal" conversation.

    If you start to notice that your boyfriend's emotions are escalating quickly and you're not sure why, he could be perceiving conflict happening between you two even when you aren't experiencing that. In that type of situation, what has been most helpful for me is when my husband tries to hug me or hold my hand while we are talking because he's letting me know that he's not angry with me, and it helps me feel that sense of harmony that I'm terrified of losing when we disagree about something or talk out an issue.
    Likes Crabs, AphroditeGoneAwry liked this post

  3. #13
    Junior Member
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    Can we continue this conversation perhaps with familial relationships? Often those are extremely charged with tension as well... coming from an ENFP with a ESTJ mother. Maybe its her Te trying to control and structure me? Or that she doesn't understand my Ne? I'm not sure
    “I was ready to love the whole world, but no one understood me, and I learned to hate.” - Mikhail Lermontov

    33% Extravert ~ 50% Intuition ~ 75% Feeling ~ 11% Perceiving
    4w3 SX // ENFp
    Sanguine | Phlegmatic
    Right Brain Dominant

  4. #14
    Sweet Ocean Cloud SD45T-2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ilixir View Post
    Can we continue this conversation perhaps with familial relationships? Often those are extremely charged with tension as well... coming from an ENFP with a ESTJ mother. Maybe its her Te trying to control and structure me? Or that she doesn't understand my Ne? I'm not sure
    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...7823-estj.html
    1w2-6w5-3w2 so/sp

    "I took one those personality tests. It came back negative." - Dan Mintz
    Likes melomania liked this post

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