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  1. #31
    Senior Member Kyrielle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ajblaise View Post
    Sometimes I really have a hard time calming down NF's, or F's in general. Saying "chill out" or "calm down" certainly hasn't worked well, neither does using logic sometimes, but I have used cold hard logic to calm people down before. Do I try talking more slowly and in a soft voice, maybe I'm talking to fast?

    I argue with people a lot and with NF guys this is usually what can set them off, that or I'll make a joke and they get offended. And with girls, if they are crying, I am rendered completely useless no matter what I say it seems. It's like they have already made the decision they are going to cry and there is nothing I can do.

    Well, I respond well to touch when I'm upset. It doesn't have to be a hug. Can be something as simple as a hand on my shoulder. And you are right, there isn't anything you can do to stop the crying...it's a storm and I, at least, have to weather it out until the end.

    A soft voice helps, but really, not saying anything for a while is best. I know your instinct is to logically work through the problem, but I canNOT think rationally until I'm through with the worst of my emotional upset. After the worst has passed, then I'm usually willing to joke about what happened, figure out what went wrong and how to fix it
    "I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference."

    Robert Frost

  2. #32
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlueWing View Post
    Not a thing you can do. Just pretend to agree with their values. If the F in question has a well developed T, you can reason with them. Just ignore their emotional reaction for the time being, if they really have a good T they will appreciate your point eventually. After their passions tame down and they get around to think. But with most Fs, if you cannot avoid dealing with them, just lay low and be polite, you're walking a minefield.

    If you're getting mashed, remember, Henry Kissinger said 'if you want to win someone back, never disagree with them'. Not necessarily that you should try to 'win them back' or be on good terms with them, thats too much of a headache no doubt, just to get them off your back agree with everything they say. Smile. Say it gently. Remember, to Fs it doesn't really matter what you say, only how you say it, so don't be afraid to make blatantly false claims or contradict what you said 5 seconds ago. They will hardly notice, and if they do and have an emotional reaction about it, even that will be overshadowed by the 'gentle and agreeable' way you said it. Remember, to an F, truth doesn't really matter, it is all about what 'feels' like harmony. Doesn't have to be genuine harmony or long-lasting, or with any good potential, just in the moment it must feel 'good' and like harmony to the F. In short, it doesn't even need to make any sense, it just has to feel 'good' to an F, and I believe the above shows how to induce such a feeling within an F.

    *Mental note: notice how if you were to come to an F with your problem, they would make no effort to make sense of it or help you solve it. They would just keep on saying, its okay! You're great! You did the right thing! Everything will be alright!

    (Even though all of those comments are complete non-sense often)

    This is what they want to hear. To a T it sounds ridiculous to have these things said as they are filtered through our critical thinking faculties, they don't filter anything. They just take it for face value. Tell them 'you're great' they buy it wholesale. Their emotions are directly influenced by what is said, not by their thoughts on what is said.
    Sounds completely biased.
    Sounds like this is how you've treated NFs in real life.

    Sounds like manipulation.

    In my opinion anyway.
    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
    - Albert Einstein

  3. #33
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    What can be ineffective about saying "calm down", "you don't need to feel that way", or "don't feel like that", is that people don't generally enjoy feeling like crap, so if they knew how to calm down or stop, they certainly would. It is like telling a person with the flu to "chill out and quit throwing up" or "relax and quit having a headache". Such statements are often received with deepened frustration.

    Treat the emotionally overwhelmed person in the same way you would treat a physically overwhelmed, ill person. Provide simple things that are made to help them feel better. Ask the person what they need to feel better. Perhaps say that you feel badly seeing them feel badly and would like to help, etc. without taking a superior role that implies their state is completely their fault and choice. People are much more complex than that and there are always cause and effect reasons for the way people experience life that are deeply compelling. Remaining calm, not allowing emotion to escalate, treating the person with respect, gently guiding them towards more correct thinking as they appear ready to receive it, are all typically effective strategies.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  4. #34
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    If they are burdening you with their problems and feelings, let them know that you cannot serve as their emotional sponge, as it makes you uncomfortable/exhausts your resources/etc.

  5. #35
    Branded with Satan murkrow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ajblaise View Post
    Sometimes I really have a hard time calming down NF's, or F's in general. Saying "chill out" or "calm down" certainly hasn't worked well, neither does using logic sometimes, but I have used cold hard logic to calm people down before. Do I try talking more slowly and in a soft voice, maybe I'm talking to fast?

    I argue with people a lot and with NF guys this is usually what can set them off, that or I'll make a joke and they get offended. And with girls, if they are crying, I am rendered completely useless no matter what I say it seems. It's like they have already made the decision they are going to cry and there is nothing I can do.
    Start it off with a very clearly spoken "SHUT THE FUCK UP."

    Then proceed with cold logic.
    wails from the crypt.

  6. #36
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ajblaise View Post
    Sometimes I really have a hard time calming down NF's, or F's in general. Saying "chill out" or "calm down" certainly hasn't worked well, neither does using logic sometimes, but I have used cold hard logic to calm people down before. Do I try talking more slowly and in a soft voice, maybe I'm talking to fast?

    I argue with people a lot and with NF guys this is usually what can set them off, that or I'll make a joke and they get offended. And with girls, if they are crying, I am rendered completely useless no matter what I say it seems. It's like they have already made the decision they are going to cry and there is nothing I can do.
    Hmm...

    How should one deal with NF's that are being overly emotional?

    Sounds like the in-between-the-lines message that I am receiving/reading here is that you are probably being an unbeknownst asshole. Perhaps you should try to work on that, i.e. your assholery, before you tackle the whole "NFs being overly emotional" thing.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  7. #37
    Branded with Satan murkrow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    Hmm...

    How should one deal with NF's that are being overly emotional?

    Sounds like the in-between-the-lines message that I am receiving/reading here is that you are probably being an unbeknownst asshole. Perhaps you should try to work on that, i.e. your assholery, before you tackle the whole "NFs being overly emotional" thing.
    Very helpful, someone start a new thread about how to deal with NFs who refuse to cooperate.
    wails from the crypt.

  8. #38
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlueWing View Post
    Let me decode this a little.

    Incorrect=Disagrees with your values.
    Wrong. Incorrect = Factually false.
    This is Thinking.

    Quote Originally Posted by BlueWing View Post
    Insulting=You feel insulted because of your emotional relationship to what was said.
    Sort of. I was thinking more of how it would affect other people. Since it's obvious that this is another contrived attempt to prove that I'm a Feeler, allow me to admit that, when I say "insulting" I am taking a Feeling point of view in that instance.

    Quote Originally Posted by BlueWing View Post
    Unhelpful-Does not help you feel good.
    Wrong.
    Unhelpful = Does not serve a useful purpose for the reader. Could that include feeling good? Sure. Probably most people aim for that in the long run of their lives. In general though, the whole purpose of giving advice is to provide something useful. Having a concept of purpose or usefulness does require a little Feeling, but no more than you would have needed to even Feel motivated to post here,


    Quote Originally Posted by BlueWing View Post
    With respect to your earlier claim, I speak the truth. Don't want to hear it, fine lets go to your post instead or that of your kindred spirits on INFPgc, but better leave the real thinkers in peace!
    No, you are simply incorrect, and incorrect in a very un-utilitarian, unpragmatic way. You are assuming no way out where there is one. Feelings can be accessed and persuaded, especially when aided by a drop of Thinking(which is basically always).

    Your way of responding to this, of course, has nothing to do with further validating your point, but instead, claiming that I'm a Feeler and then totally discounting my abilities because you don't believe in the ability of Feelers to reason. That's a fallacious argument, and again, based on something that is factually wrong.

    Everything from your "decoding" of my words to your conclusion that Feelers can't be dealt with is simply founded on the idea that whatever you say is a piori. You seem to want us to suppose that if you say something, it is self-evidently true. I don't know what makes you think that will work. If you actually have a goal here, you could at least try to prove yourself.

    If you don't have a goal here, what are you doing here?

    Quote Originally Posted by BlueWing View Post
    Boy! Lest our fragile feelings be trampled upon.
    Your F is showing.
    Go to sleep, iguana.


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  9. #39
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by murkrow View Post
    Very helpful, someone start a new thread about how to deal with NFs who refuse to cooperate.
    Uh...

    Just because you NTs are oftentimes incorrigible pricks does not mean that when an NF actually refuses to comply to your egotistical <---- notice, not *logical* claims of being right, that we are necessarily being uncooperative.

    We are cooperative by nature, almost to a flaw, NTs, on the other hand...not so much.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  10. #40
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    Thanks for all the advice people, I think it will help.

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