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  1. #11
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    Yes that is true... well, I guess you could apologize, but that can have the side effect of making the NF even more emotional, and it could mean that you will have to admit you are wrong on the argument, even if you aren't. But... if you walk out... (the dark side) ...you will get the NF thinking that he/she got you really upset, and he/she will be pondering this for the next few days....
    yup.at least for me I can't stand to be hated, even if I hate the other person.

  2. #12
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    Yes that is true... well, I guess you could apologize, but that can have the side effect of making the NF even more emotional, and it could mean that you will have to admit you are wrong on the argument, even if you aren't. But... if you walk out... (the dark side) ...you will get the NF thinking that he/she got you really upset, and he/she will be pondering this for the next few days....
    I am physically unable to apologize if I don't think I'm wrong...maybe to a girl I could. I guess I just have to tough it out in the future.

  3. #13
    Senor Membrane
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    You can't believe how hard it is for me to apologize even if I'm wrong.

  4. #14
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
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    i totally forgot all the cute lines i used to say when i was younger... LOL

    now i am slowly starting to remember them... mUAHAHAHAHA!

    ok woops that was so off topic.

  5. #15
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    How should one deal with NF's that are being overly emotional?
    You should run away.

    Seriously speaking, you should be empathic for their feelings but not too empathic. You should say something calming in order to cool things down.

  6. #16
    Tenured roisterer SolitaryWalker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ajblaise View Post
    Sometimes I really have a hard time calming down NF's, or F's in general. Saying "chill out" or "calm down" certainly hasn't worked well, neither does using logic sometimes, but I have used cold hard logic to calm people down before. Do I try talking more slowly and in a soft voice, maybe I'm talking to fast?

    I argue with people a lot and with NF guys this is usually what can set them off, that or I'll make a joke and they get offended. And with girls, if they are crying, I am rendered completely useless no matter what I say it seems. It's like they have already made the decision they are going to cry and there is nothing I can do.
    Not a thing you can do. Just pretend to agree with their values. If the F in question has a well developed T, you can reason with them. Just ignore their emotional reaction for the time being, if they really have a good T they will appreciate your point eventually. After their passions tame down and they get around to think. But with most Fs, if you cannot avoid dealing with them, just lay low and be polite, you're walking a minefield.

    If you're getting mashed, remember, Henry Kissinger said 'if you want to win someone back, never disagree with them'. Not necessarily that you should try to 'win them back' or be on good terms with them, thats too much of a headache no doubt, just to get them off your back agree with everything they say. Smile. Say it gently. Remember, to Fs it doesn't really matter what you say, only how you say it, so don't be afraid to make blatantly false claims or contradict what you said 5 seconds ago. They will hardly notice, and if they do and have an emotional reaction about it, even that will be overshadowed by the 'gentle and agreeable' way you said it. Remember, to an F, truth doesn't really matter, it is all about what 'feels' like harmony. Doesn't have to be genuine harmony or long-lasting, or with any good potential, just in the moment it must feel 'good' and like harmony to the F. In short, it doesn't even need to make any sense, it just has to feel 'good' to an F, and I believe the above shows how to induce such a feeling within an F.

    *Mental note: notice how if you were to come to an F with your problem, they would make no effort to make sense of it or help you solve it. They would just keep on saying, its okay! You're great! You did the right thing! Everything will be alright!

    (Even though all of those comments are complete non-sense often)

    This is what they want to hear. To a T it sounds ridiculous to have these things said as they are filtered through our critical thinking faculties, they don't filter anything. They just take it for face value. Tell them 'you're great' they buy it wholesale. Their emotions are directly influenced by what is said, not by their thoughts on what is said.
    "Do not argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." -- Mark Twain

    “No man but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money.”---Samuel Johnson

    My blog: www.randommeanderings123.blogspot.com/

  7. #17

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    you totally wish you understood us Bluewing... I'm glad you make such a noble, though ultimately failed, effort.

  8. #18
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlueWing View Post
    Not a thing you can do. Just pretend to agree with their values. If the F in question has a well developed T, you can reason with them. Just ignore their emotional reaction for the time being, if they really have a good T they will appreciate your point eventually. After their passions tame down and they get around to think. But with most Fs, if you cannot avoid dealing with them, just lay low and be polite, you're walking a minefield.

    If you're getting mashed, remember, Henry Kissinger said 'if you want to win someone back, never disagree with them'. Not necessarily that you should try to 'win them back' or be on good terms with them, thats too much of a headache no doubt, just to get them off your back agree with everything they say. Smile. Say it gently. Remember, to Fs it doesn't really matter what you say, only how you say it, so don't be afraid to make blatantly false claims or contradict what you said 5 seconds ago. They will hardly notice, and if they do and have an emotional reaction about it, even that will be overshadowed by the 'gentle and agreeable' way you said it. Remember, to an F, truth doesn't really matter, it is all about what 'feels' like harmony. Doesn't have to be genuine harmony or long-lasting, or with any good potential, just in the moment it must feel 'good' and like harmony to the F. In short, it doesn't even need to make any sense, it just has to feel 'good' to an F, and I believe the above shows how to induce such a feeling within an F.

    Quote Originally Posted by BlueWing View Post
    Not a thing you can do. Just pretend to agree with their values. If the F in question has a well developed T, you can reason with them. Just ignore their emotional reaction for the time being, if they really have a good T they will appreciate your point eventually. After their passions tame down and they get around to think. But with most Fs, if you cannot avoid dealing with them, just lay low and be polite, you're walking a minefield.
    Ignore the nonsense that BlueWing scribbles.


    First, I must say that there is no catch-all for handling every Feeler. Also, the context is important. It depends on what is bring fourth the Feeler's emotions. Both of those factors affect the validity of my answers. The following is generalized and based on my experience plus my conjecture.

    It is true that empathy really helps. You first have to make it clear that you understand why they would Feel as they do, and also try to remove hostility. Make it clear you aren't hostile. Feelers seem to be really affected by the idea that they will be attacked, or condemned, or something like that.

    Once you've gotten those disclaimers aside, hack at whatever it is that's pissing them off. If it's something you dislike yourself, then that should be pretty easy. Just talk it over kindly, it will let them vent and heal.

    Now, you bring up arguing... that's a lot trickier. In that case, it's pretty much a fact that you are not on their side. The best you can do is tell them that you don't look down on them for disagreeing, and to explain that you think it would be helpful for them to acknoweldge your point of view. Still, it's pretty damn rough. I have been vexxed many times by arguing with Feelers.
    It's better to figure out how to never get to that stage in the first place. Consesus is better than confrontation when working things out with them.


    As for if a Feeling girl wants to cry, let her. What's the big deal? The important thing is how you handle her when and after she's crying. It's probably going to do more harm than good to try and keep it from happening.


    Using logic without anything else doesn't work because it gives them the impression that you don't relate and don't care, because they expect an emotional reaction from you, at least in the form of words. And saying "calm down"? Big mistake. Don't do anything that seems to marginalize their Feelings, that will hurt the situation.
    Go to sleep, iguana.


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  9. #19
    Tenured roisterer SolitaryWalker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Poriferan View Post
    Ignore the nonsense that BlueWing scribbles..
    That was very disrespectful of you.

    You can criticize ideas of those you disagree with, but suggesting they ought not even be read is unsporstmanlike conduct which ought to have no place in reasonable discussions. If someone makes a false claim you can only know this after you have read it and analyzed it. Not before. This justifies the claim that attempting to prevent a proposition from being read is inappropriate for discussions concerning exchange of ideas.
    "Do not argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." -- Mark Twain

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  10. #20

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    he did quote you in his response.





    ....dummy...

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