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  1. #1
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
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    Default INFPs: How you fell into affection?

    I'm curious mostly about female INFPs but males are welcome to comment, or anyone else really.

    I think I am asking about a really large subject matter though.
    I wanted to know experiences you've had as a INFP falling in love. Or having a crush on someone. Starting a relationship. Going out. Dating. That sort of stuff. The "affection" subject.
    How did you act?
    Did you aggressively pursue the person, or did you quietly observe them?
    How about how you treated them?
    Did you treat them better/worse than your normal friends, or did you generally treat them the same as your normal friends.
    Were you their friend first?
    We're you shy and avoided interaction? Or did you always make time to try to be with that person.
    What about walls? I think everyone knows what I mean by walls. Emotional walls. Relationship walls. Distancing yourself from others not on a physical level but a deeper level.
    Did you let your walls come down, or did you wait and get to know the person, to be able to trust that they won't hurt you, or something else, before you opened up?
    Do you prefer to think and discuss complex things with friends, or do you generally think deep when your alone?

    That's a lot of questions I realize, but no one has to answer them all. Just hit one, or two, or even none and just comment on your experiences.

    Actually I'm mostly interested in INFPs experiences in that area more so than having my questions answered...
    Mainly more than anything else, how you acted.
    Thanks.
    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
    - Albert Einstein

  2. #2
    Senor Membrane
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    Ok, I chose some of them to answer...

    Quote Originally Posted by DigitalMethod View Post
    Did you aggressively pursue the person, or did you quietly observe them?
    Observe mostly, but if I see she's interested, I change attitude, but not to something I would call "aggressive", or "pursue".

    Quote Originally Posted by DigitalMethod View Post
    Did you treat them better/worse than your normal friends, or did you generally treat them the same as your normal friends.
    If she's not my friend in the first place, I seem to have tendency to be less myself. If she's a friend, I am more me, because she already knows how I am.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigitalMethod View Post
    Were you their friend first?
    Sometimes yes, sometimes no. If yes, there is more trust on my part, but if no, there is stronger physical attraction, so it usually ends up actually in a relationship...

    Quote Originally Posted by DigitalMethod View Post
    What about walls?
    Usually I feel like there is distance, and that makes me think about what is causing it. While doing this I build the distance even more because thinking makes me less spontaneous.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigitalMethod View Post
    Did you let your walls come down, or did you wait and get to know the person, to be able to trust that they won't hurt you, or something else, before you opened up?
    I open up quite easily, but usually get hurt while doing it. Still I think its so important to open up that I just have to.

  3. #3
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DigitalMethod View Post
    How did you act?
    Did you aggressively pursue the person, or did you quietly observe them?
    How about how you treated them?
    Did you treat them better/worse than your normal friends, or did you generally treat them the same as your normal friends?
    Were you their friend first?
    We're you shy and avoided interaction? Or did you always make time to try to be with that person?
    Did you let your walls come down, or did you wait and get to know the person, to be able to trust that they won't hurt you, or something else, before you opened up?
    Do you prefer to think and discuss complex things with friends, or do you generally think deep when your alone?.
    I would quietly observe and wait for them to interact with me.
    I would treat them very well. I would be interested, accommodating, playful, curious, engaged, caring.
    Friends first. Always.
    I would not initiate interaction, but I would always make time for them if they wanted to talk/do something. Even if it's 6 in the morning. Lol. Oh the memories.
    Walls come down.
    I would like to discuss complex things.

  4. #4
    Senior Member placebo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DigitalMethod View Post
    I'm curious mostly about female INFPs but males are welcome to comment, or anyone else really.

    I think I am asking about a really large subject matter though.
    I wanted to know experiences you've had as a INFP falling in love. Or having a crush on someone. Starting a relationship. Going out. Dating. That sort of stuff. The "affection" subject.
    How did you act?
    Did you aggressively pursue the person, or did you quietly observe them?
    How about how you treated them?
    Did you treat them better/worse than your normal friends, or did you generally treat them the same as your normal friends.
    Were you their friend first?
    We're you shy and avoided interaction? Or did you always make time to try to be with that person.
    What about walls? I think everyone knows what I mean by walls. Emotional walls. Relationship walls. Distancing yourself from others not on a physical level but a deeper level.
    Did you let your walls come down, or did you wait and get to know the person, to be able to trust that they won't hurt you, or something else, before you opened up?
    Do you prefer to think and discuss complex things with friends, or do you generally think deep when your alone?

    That's a lot of questions I realize, but no one has to answer them all. Just hit one, or two, or even none and just comment on your experiences.

    Actually I'm mostly interested in INFPs experiences in that area more so than having my questions answered...
    Mainly more than anything else, how you acted.
    Thanks.
    I've crushed on people but I've never ever pursued. Never seen the opportunity to as I've never crushed on someone who was a friend before and I could never be charming or gutsy enough to aggressively pursue someone farther that. I've ended up just going into one relationship, with someone I wasn't really close with in the first place who pursued me, as a really short thing for the heck of it. Maybe just because of who it was but I didn't really know how to treat him, like...differently from anyone else. I mean I treat all my friends kind of differently because they're all different people, but he didn't really get anything special besides more physical affection. I did have my walls up, I always do, and they're hard to break down, and he didn't know how to get me to open up and I didn't really know how to do it myself either. So anyway, I kinda always knew that was going to be short-lived. I've never been in love yet with someone who's in love with me, but I know it's possible. And I would love to discuss complex things with my friends but most are never really up for it and I end up thinking about things when I'm alone.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Dwigie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DigitalMethod View Post
    I'm curious mostly about female INFPs but males are welcome to comment, or anyone else really.

    I think I am asking about a really large subject matter though.
    I wanted to know experiences you've had as a INFP falling in love. Or having a crush on someone. Starting a relationship. Going out. Dating. That sort of stuff. The "affection" subject.
    How did you act?
    Did you aggressively pursue the person, or did you quietly observe them?
    How about how you treated them?
    Did you treat them better/worse than your normal friends, or did you generally treat them the same as your normal friends.
    Were you their friend first?
    We're you shy and avoided interaction? Or did you always make time to try to be with that person.
    What about walls? I think everyone knows what I mean by walls. Emotional walls. Relationship walls. Distancing yourself from others not on a physical level but a deeper level.
    Did you let your walls come down, or did you wait and get to know the person, to be able to trust that they won't hurt you, or something else, before you opened up?
    Do you prefer to think and discuss complex things with friends, or do you generally think deep when your alone?

    That's a lot of questions I realize, but no one has to answer them all. Just hit one, or two, or even none and just comment on your experiences.

    Actually I'm mostly interested in INFPs experiences in that area more so than having my questions answered...
    Mainly more than anything else, how you acted.
    Thanks.
    I never make the first move, I am way too shy and afraid of rejection. I treat them very well, extremely giving and attentive the "shoulder to cry on". I kind of baby people I like(emotionally, I'd never give gifts..) I tend to like to talk about how people are "character", what's going on in the world and how it's affecting for example a minority etc..I like my topics to have a "humane" impact. I'd never talk about stocks or science for example, unless again we trace back to how it affects people. I never really display emotion even if I have a huge crush on someone, although I get very awkward and quiet, even bein aggressive to them (immature..)It's usually out of fear of being hurt, I hate being hurt and I hate hurting others as well. The person I liked never knew...

  6. #6
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dana View Post
    I would quietly observe and wait for them to interact with me.
    I would treat them very well. I would be interested, accommodating, playful, curious, engaged, caring.
    Friends first. Always.
    I would not initiate interaction, but I would always make time for them if they wanted to talk/do something. Even if it's 6 in the morning. Lol. Oh the memories.
    Walls come down.
    I would like to discuss complex things.
    Wow, that's great. I those are the keys to a good relationship. As long as you don't let the other person burn you out (sometimes you can be too good, and some people take advantage). Assuming you have a healthy relationship that is based on love and respect - wow! Kudos for you!!!

    Oh yeah, but I see one problem: What if the other person is interested in you but is too shy? What do you do then???
    If you are interested in language, words, linguistics, or foreign languages, check out my blog and read, post, and/or share.

  7. #7
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Linguist View Post
    Wow, that's great. I those are the keys to a good relationship. As long as you don't let the other person burn you out (sometimes you can be too good, and some people take advantage). Assuming you have a healthy relationship that is based on love and respect - wow! Kudos for you!!!

    Oh yeah, but I see one problem: What if the other person is interested in you but is too shy? What do you do then???
    I was only answering the questions in the OP. Keys to a good relationship would make a good thread.

    I am no stranger to
    sometimes you can be too good, and some people take advantage
    If someone I am interested in is shy, I don't see a problem with that.. it's very cute. It's not like I'm going anywhere, so they can take their time getting to know me in the way that is most comfortable for them. I'm receptive.

  8. #8
    To the top of the world arcticangel02's Avatar
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    So I'm not quite an INFP (I don't think), but I thought it'd be interesting to try and answer as well.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigitalMethod View Post
    How did you act? Did you aggressively pursue the person, or did you quietly observe them?
    If I have a crush on someone, I do go out of my way to talk to them and often am more talkative than normally. It's like I want to show off my best side, and I guess I seem to do that by interacting a great deal with that person. I seem to be braver than normal, and stuff like that. At the same time, I do try to be subtle about it.

    However, if I'm getting the impression that they like me (usually when I don't like them back, but sometimes even when I do), I withdraw almost entirely and distance myself emotionally. It scares me somehow and I don't really know how to deal with it.

    How about how you treated them? Did you treat them better/worse than your normal friends, or did you generally treat them the same as your normal friends.
    Um, a bit nicer I suppose. It's like I'm on my best behaviour, especially when I'm first trying to impress. I do treat them normally pretty soon after things settle down.

    Were you their friend first?
    I've not been in that situation, but I suppose it could be possible. Or just really awkward.

    We're you shy and avoided interaction? Or did you always make time to try to be with that person.
    If I'm interested, I will try and do my best to let you know without stating it outright - it's like I become a good friend all of a sudden. But subtly. I wait for them to come back at me with affection before I let that part of my feelings out.

    What about walls? I think everyone knows what I mean by walls. Emotional walls. Relationship walls. Distancing yourself from others not on a physical level but a deeper level.
    I do it too easily, distancing myself quite completely under the pretence of friendly affability. I'm starting to learn how to relax that iron-tight grip and let people in. I think. Mostly I just need time to get my head around the idea and move slowly.

    Did you let your walls come down, or did you wait and get to know the person, to be able to trust that they won't hurt you, or something else, before you opened up?
    I trust pretty easily, but still there's a little part of me that is always detatched and seperate - I've never had a relationship long enough to let go of that.

    Do you prefer to think and discuss complex things with friends, or do you generally think deep when your alone?
    Nothing invigorates me quite like an intense converstion about something like that.

    Another random point - I seem to overthink things and get tense and unsure when I'm by myself, considering the situation. But once I'm around that person, it all comes together easily and everything's much easier than anticipated.


    And, just because I have to - "ooooh, Digital likes an INFP!"
    ANFP:
    Extraversion (52%) ---- Introversion (48%)
    Sensing (26%) ---- iNtuition (74%)
    Thinking (16%) ---- Feeling (84%)
    Judging (5%) ---- Perceiving (95%)

    9w1 so/sx/sp

  9. #9
    Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by DigitalMethod View Post
    I wanted to know experiences you've had as a INFP falling in love. Or having a crush on someone. Starting a relationship. Going out. Dating. That sort of stuff. The "affection" subject.
    How did you act?
    Did you aggressively pursue the person, or did you quietly observe them?
    How about how you treated them?
    Did you treat them better/worse than your normal friends, or did you generally treat them the same as your normal friends.
    Were you their friend first?
    We're you shy and avoided interaction? Or did you always make time to try to be with that person.
    What about walls? I think everyone knows what I mean by walls. Emotional walls. Relationship walls. Distancing yourself from others not on a physical level but a deeper level.
    Did you let your walls come down, or did you wait and get to know the person, to be able to trust that they won't hurt you, or something else, before you opened up?
    Do you prefer to think and discuss complex things with friends, or do you generally think deep when your alone?
    My case was probably not typical, since it was (and still is) my first love. We were not friends first, but as we were working and living in nearly constant proximity, we had a month of just flirting before anything really happened. I was somewhat shy but I definitely did not avoid interaction. I think my natural introversion must have been at least somewhat confusing, as he tells me he thought I disliked him when we first met. I mostly remember being scared silly and blushing whenever he entered the room.

    As for walls, I think that has always been something of an issue between us, and might be the reason our relationship progressed so slowly in the beginning. Eventually he started asking me to express my feelings without much warning and I would just freeze up. Part of it was fear of being hurt, fear that if I expressed my innermost, most important convictions he would laugh or worse, simply not understand. I believe that if we had not lived in close proximity for such a long time, we probably would not have gotten to know each other, as different as our personality types are (INFP vs ESTJ).

  10. #10
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by arcticangel02 View Post
    And, just because I have to - "ooooh, Digital likes an INFP!"
    That's assuming a lot.
    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
    - Albert Einstein

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