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  1. #1
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Default ESTJ Attraction for ENFP!

    I'm bored and I'm stuck at work so I am going to post this here:

    Ok, so I had this brief liking (the liking continues, but the potential for more has come and gone) for an ESTJ. And, I realized that the attraction was not based on my usual "connection" needs, but it was based on the concrete situation. Like, I recognized how he could potentially balance me out. The attraction, honestly, surprised me because I would normally never sacrifice connection (whether I connect on the E-E level or the N-N level) for practicality.

    At any rate, turns out he carefully thought it through and determined that he was not interested in me. Mostly based on the fact that I am too intense for him and he cannot handle it (or understand it for that matter). Lame!

    Interestingly, he is one of the few guys I have met that can friend me. Like, he wants to hang out with me all the time and can spend as much time as I want with me without it being romantic at all. And, it's different than with SF guys or NF guys.

    I don't really have a point, but I'm just sorting it through. Generally, I am confused by the whole matter. And, I am embarrasingly disappointed that he does not like me (I was so proud of myself for not falling for another ESFP! And, choosing stability instead!).

    If anyone has any thoughts, I'd appreciate the insight.

  2. #2
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    At any rate, turns out he carefully thought it through and determined that he was not interested in me. Mostly based on the fact that I am too intense for him and he cannot handle it (or understand it for that matter). Lame!
    for the lame part.

    It seems that him turning you down bothers you a bit even if you seem him a bit lame. ?

  3. #3
    Senior Member sketcheasy's Avatar
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    pshhh... i just can't deal with either of the S functions. i can be friends but honestly don't see relationship potential in it. N is where it's at baby.

  4. #4
    Branded with Satan murkrow's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    Ok, so I had this brief liking (the liking continues, but the potential for more has come and gone) for an ESTJ. And, I realized that the attraction was not based on my usual "connection" needs, but it was based on the concrete situation. Like, I recognized how he could potentially balance me out. The attraction, honestly, surprised me because I would normally never sacrifice connection (whether I connect on the E-E level or the N-N level) for practicality.
    what about the relationship necessitates romantics? Sounds like he'd be a good guy to have in your corner, but it seems silly to deny your strongest inclinations for the cause of "balance".
    quote
    At any rate, turns out he carefully thought it through and determined that he was not interested in me. Mostly based on the fact that I am too intense for him and he cannot handle it (or understand it for that matter). Lame!

    Interestingly, he is one of the few guys I have met that can friend me. Like, he wants to hang out with me all the time and can spend as much time as I want with me without it being romantic at all. And, it's different than with SF guys or NF guys.

    I don't really have a point, but I'm just sorting it through. Generally, I am confused by the whole matter. And, I am embarrasingly disappointed that he does not like me (I was so proud of myself for not falling for another ESFP! And, choosing stability instead!).

    If anyone has any thoughts, I'd appreciate the insight.
    ESTJs are boring, find an ENTJ.

    The Te is what you're looking for in the stability.
    wails from the crypt.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    It seems that him turning you down bothers you a bit even if you seem him a bit lame. ?
    Yes! I hate being rejected! That's my job! Thunder stealer... grrr...

    ESTJs are boring, find an ENTJ.

    The Te is what you're looking for in the stability.
    Hmm... interesting. It's not just the stability though. It was also his natural confidence and friendliness that attracted me. He possesses a great ability to put people at ease, which I admire. And, he seems to do this effortlessly and with great consistency.

    What are ENTJs like? I've never met one. Ever. Aren't you guys kind of mean? Hahaha. Or, do you too present a "friendly face" to society? And, would you also consider yourself as a "decent guy" and willing to stick up for your fellow neighbors (and strangers at that)? Or, would you choose different adjectives to describe yourselves?

  6. #6
    Senior Membrane spirilis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    What are ENTJs like? I've never met one. Ever. Aren't you guys kind of mean? Hahaha. Or, do you too present a "friendly face" to society? And, would you also consider yourself as a "decent guy" and willing to stick up for your fellow neighbors (and strangers at that)? Or, would you choose different adjectives to describe yourselves?
    Haha, the one or two ENTJ's I know are much, MUCH bigger jerks than any ESTJ I've met. ESTJs may be hardline Te folks but they abide by social norms, that SJ "concrete cooperator" temperament ensures as such. ENTJ's on the other hand command above everything, they see the reality of a situation (Ni), good or bad, and use it to their full advantage. (I'm absolutely certain there are exceptions to that, but overall the "attitude" I get from ENTJs is rather cocky)

    It never bothers me though, 'cause I have a cocky perspective myself half the time, at least inside my head. One ENTJ I know is a great friend, we "get" each other fairly well, flaws and all.

    Funny enough, in that one group of friends where I know my ENTJ friend, there are several ENFPs and a couple INFPs and they all get along with the ENTJ. I think he provides some insight, even if it's just a sense of liberation, that they find themselves drawn towards.
    intp | type 9w1 sp/sx/so

  7. #7
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by spirilis View Post
    Haha, the one or two ENTJ's I know are much, MUCH bigger jerks than any ESTJ I've met. ESTJs may be hardline Te folks but they abide by social norms, that SJ "concrete cooperator" temperament ensures as such. ENTJ's on the other hand command above everything, they see the reality of a situation (Ni), good or bad, and use it to their full advantage. (I'm absolutely certain there are exceptions to that, but overall the "attitude" I get from ENTJs is rather cocky)
    There was an ESTJ guy who was interested in me, a really nice, pleasant person. Not pushy or boring at all. The ENTJ's are much more edgy and lacerating in their observations.

    Funny enough, in that one group of friends where I know my ENTJ friend, there are several ENFPs and a couple INFPs and they all get along with the ENTJ. I think he provides some insight, even if it's just a sense of liberation, that they find themselves drawn towards.
    I do appreciate the clarity of NT's especially because being an Intuitive causes me to feel amorphous at times. But I imagine that ESTJ's are quite capable of bringing that form of clarity to their Sensory counterparts.

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