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  1. #1
    Senior Member sketcheasy's Avatar
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    Default when feelings get the better of you

    i've been having a real issue. recently i got into a fender bender in a parking lot that dented my rear bumper. ultimately, i wasn't at fault, but it looks pretty bad cause we were both backing out....

    okay, to explain, as i was halfway out of my parking spot, i realized that another car was backing out at the same time. he/she had a small head start, so about midway as i was backing out, i stopped and let the other driver go ahead of me. when he had left, i continued to back out and moving into my turn when a pickup truck directly behind me decides back out into my bumper. however, this driver had moved after i had, and was probably going too fast, and probably didn't notice me because he was in a big car, but because we were still both backing out in a parking lot it's legally a double fault.

    anyway, i recognized that considering the situation, i technically had the right of way and had fundamentally done nothing wrong. it was a freak accident and yet, despite that i still am racked with guilt over it. this is my 3rd car, and i was determined not to hurt this one, and i had taken considerable effort in improvement and yet this still happens to me, even when i was looking out. logically, i should not feel guilty and yet, suddenly i'm overcome with sense of failure at my inability to avoid it.

    is this an nf thing? i can't help thinking that i shouldn't be feeling this way... but i can't not feel this way at the same time.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Chris_in_Orbit's Avatar
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    You sound alot like an ENFJ friend of mine. If you are determined to try to do something like "keep a car from being totalled" you are really setting yourself up for failure. There are just some things you cannot control... Once you realize this you can start to take things like this in stride and deal with them as they happen. I don't see what you need to feel guilty about just brood as long as you need to but make sure you don't stay down any longer than that; and try not to let these situations get the better of you, its just life

  3. #3
    lurking.... Wyst's Avatar
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    Man that stinks. When did it happen?

    I sometimes will replay the moment of whatever happened over and over again. Each time I feel worse and worse. I keep coming up with things I should have/could have done differently.

    Eventually I just have to decide to shake it off and wash my hands of it. Especially if it's really not my fault. It's a tough deal but it'll take me a couple days to be able to reset myself.

  4. #4
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    What's wrong with feeling disappointed? Even though you couldn't have done anything else, your car is still damaged, and that sucks. Why shouldn't you be feeling that way? There's no penalty for feeling bad.

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    Where I come from (Literally), if you're on private property, all bets are off. The police didn't do anything, did they? I think you could file a claim against them for the damage, but you'd have to show they were at fault.

  6. #6
    Senior Member sketcheasy's Avatar
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    i guess you're right chris. i guess my biggest issue is that my dad is pretty disappointed that this happened again. i can brush of the other ones because i can attribute it to the arrogance of my youth and lack of experience. i put all my effort into taking those lessons in my past and all those mistakes and applied it to now, driving slower than i did, being extra watchful.... i still made mistakes but every time one was pointed i made a strong mental note of it careful to not make the same mistakes. just when i thought things were good to go, wham... anyway, my dad flipped and there was no use in trying to explain. he wasn't very empathetic with my past history and refused to consider my current efforts. he's more judging than perceiving i guess.

  7. #7
    Senior Member sketcheasy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Flak View Post
    Where I come from (Literally), if you're on private property, all bets are off. The police didn't do anything, did they? I think you could file a claim against them for the damage, but you'd have to show they were at fault.
    no, but it's claim versus claim, and we were still both backing out so it looks bad... even if i was out of the space before he was. in fact, it was at a blockbuster and my friend dropped off a dvd. he said that he noticed the truck but didn't notice that anyone was in it or thinking of moving out, and even if the kid was in there, he wasn't moving when i pulled out. anyway, claim vs claim doesn't always work out very well.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sketcheasy View Post
    no, but it's claim versus claim, and we were still both backing out so it looks bad... even if i was out of the space before he was. in fact, it was at a blockbuster and my friend dropped off a dvd. he said that he noticed the truck but didn't notice that anyone was in it or thinking of moving out, and even if the kid was in there, he wasn't moving when i pulled out. anyway, claim vs claim doesn't always work out very well.
    Shit happens. And it only gets worse than parking lot fender benders. But the "guilt" you're feeling is probably like the feeling people get when they come home to find their house has been robbed. It's not their fault, but there's a feeling like guilt there. Don't worry too much about it, it will eventually turn into anger and you'll be ok.

  9. #9
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    Awe, this story hit home with me, I will NEVER...EVER...buy a brand new vehicle or sink over $12,000 max for a vehicle, back in May 2003 , I bought a Toyota Tacoma Ext. Cab 2003 4x4 V6 (loaded), $24,000 truck. Babied that thing, kept a cover on it when it was parked at my house, wax job every 6 weeks like clock work, super clean inside. I drove my other junkie truck (94' Mazda 2300) mostly to keep from putting a lot of mileage on my new Toyota. Well , on Mar.25 , 2006 , some young punk in an 88' Ford F-150 Lariat ran a yield sign at a 3-way and T-boned me, I didn't wear my seat belt (I do now) , I bounced like a ping-pong ball inside the cab, my face hit the rear view mirror, my right orbital and right mandible were cracked, my truck totaled. I didn't even get to tell my side of the story, I was in the back of the ambulance being seen about. The accident report was re-written a week later of all things, the evidence was so damning that they couldn't make it my fault alone so they made it both of our fault, the punk kid's dad turned out to know everyone on the police dept. , I tried to get 3 different law firms to fight it, and none would, bottom line was that the punk was only insured for $25,000 liability and there was no earning potential for the law firms, that's still not the end of the screw job, my insurance company ALLSTATE...you know that commercial "your in good hands with ALLSTATE"...yeah..bullshit, I had only $3,000 left owing on the Toyota and it still had full coverage on it, and had been in immaculate condition with only 10,400 miles on it, book value on it was $20,500 , I got a check in the mail for $16,000 !!! They subtracted part of what I had left owing on it from the book value when they shouldn't have, I should've gotten the $20,500, because the full coverage covered the $24,000 Toyota, add the $3,000 to the $20,500 and it was still under the $24,000. That experience sickened me, the looks that I would get at gas stations when I would pull up, the compliments "nice truck", were no more. It made me believe why the hell should you get a nice showy ride when your going to get cheated by the crooked cops and even your own insurance company. I have neck pain and wear a night guard because I grind my teeth in my sleep from the facial impact. I have a new found respect for people that drive older cars and trucks, I've even found myself appreciating older vehicles. I may never be in another wreck my whole life, but, I've been made sour against new vehicles.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by werewolfen1984 View Post
    I bought a Toyota Tacoma Ext. Cab 2003 4x4 V6 (loaded), $24,000 truck.....
    Hey, that truck saved your life, where's the love?
    [youtube=jHPOzQzk9Qo].[/youtube]

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