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  1. #51
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lizzy1813 View Post
    OMG!!! Anja, that's so true to some problems I'm dealing with now! Esp. the "emotional vamparism"! It's hard to tell people in essence to leave me alone without feeling guilty about it...but I feel so suppressed and untrue to myself when I don't have my isolation time.

    Another thing about the well-likedness is that I (as a college student) seem to get along with my teachers and employers/bosses really well...but then there's the weird feeling of "I'm not trying to be a 'teacher's pet', am I?" or "I don't bow to my boss's whims too easily, do I?". And then when other students/workers complain about how mean and strict the teacher/boss is, I don't know what to say. Half the time, I try to say something non-committal like "Uh huh" "Oh?" "Mmm" that make me feel like I'm stupid-izing myself.

    Is this just me? :confused:
    I sometimes see my daughter, Lizzy, holding her tongue also and I can see by the look on her face that she'd like to make a comment about somebody. But a person has to be a fairly evil sort for her to ever bad-mouth them.

    I think that's just one more of those attractive traits of healthy ENFPs.

    I'd say you are being more true to your values system than to other's opinions of you and good for you!
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  2. #52
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    I think many ENFPs are aware of their popularity and make a conscious effort to be more popular. Some are unaware of their popularity, I think, but the majority that I know are aware and they love and need the attention. I like ENFPs. They are cute

  3. #53
    Member TrueHeart's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ajblaise View Post
    Sometimes I think that enfp's will try so hard to be liked, that they become disliked. There's one enfp girl I know that tries so hard to be nice, that it's sickening.

    They might not try hard to be popular, but I think they try hard to be generally liked. But hey, i'm not an enfp.
    How do you know any of that? I mean, how do you know they're trying? Might what you see as "trying" be just their way of "being"? Have you asked them if they're trying or if that's just the way they are?
    "There can be no understanding between the hands and the head unless the heart acts as mediator." (Metropolis, 1927)

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  4. #54
    Member Lizzy1813's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anja View Post
    I sometimes see my daughter, Lizzy, holding her tongue also and I can see by the look on her face that she'd like to make a comment about somebody. But a person has to be a fairly evil sort for her to ever bad-mouth them.

    I think that's just one more of those attractive traits of healthy ENFPs.

    I'd say you are being more true to your values system than to other's opinions of you and good for you!
    Thanks! This helps a lot!

  5. #55
    Senior Member SillyGoose's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anja View Post
    Several here have touched on the issue of authenticity. And I think that is an important thing for ENFPs. It can be confusing to wield so much influence over others. Being a focus for attention can carry a burden with it.

    I know that my daughter sometimes feels that people want to draw that energy from her for themselves. She calls it "emotional vampirism." Heh. And I know that she has sometimes felt uncomfortable with others' neediness for her attentions.

    Her heart is a good one and it tugged on her to try to "fix" people and in the way that they wanted her to do it.

    That did cause confusion for her growing up. But she was also very aware of that at an early age. More so than most young people in general I think.

    I was impressed and surprised when, one day at about eighteen years of age, she told me of what a struggle it was for her to be her true self with all the adoration (my word) attention and the pressure that she sometimes felt to fill others' needs.

    She strives for authenticity. It is a strong need to be her "real self." I'm making a guess that that would be a common goal for most ENFPs.

    As most people, she has a dark side. And it is enormous and very frightening both to her and to those who have encountered it. I haven't seen it for years now but it always cracks me up when people praise her to my face and I think, "You should've seen what I've seen!"

    I know that with the personal power that she carries she's needed to do a greal deal of work on getting to know herself and how to tread lightly with her ability to influence.

    And another thing she's had to learn to do is to say "no" to people without having to explode or run away.

    This is one of the good life tasks for an ENFP, I think.

    I related to this alot and your previous post as well.

    I've been calling the emotional vampirism, my emotional bank for quite a few years now. Learning to recognize my balance with people, how much they have deposited, how much they have withdrawn and so on and so forth have helped me tremendously. I used to get really overwhelmed and have to shut down for awhile since I was overdrawn quite a bit, and then a good friend (ENFJ) taught me about the bank
    "My mom told me there was a weirdo on every bus, but I never could find him." Emo Phillips

  6. #56
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TrueHeart View Post
    How do you know any of that? I mean, how do you know they're trying? Might what you see as "trying" be just their way of "being"? Have you asked them if they're trying or if that's just the way they are?
    Being...Trying.... Maybe their way of "being" is "trying" to act nice and gregarious. Both those things take effort, even if they have a natural drive to do them.

  7. #57
    Member pockets's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenix13 View Post
    Holy. Crap. I'm not haughty or a narcissist, but that rings true to me entirely... particularly the avoidance part. While I don't feel like people are knocking over chairs to touch the corner of my robe, I do feel that people always want something from me... The infamous ENFP spark brightens peoples' lives, and that's what they're after. Unfortunately, that's all they're after, and that makes me feel like a whore. I'm not a friggin' heroin fix that you can just shoot up whenever you're felling bored or down! Wow, I'm getting vulgar. I think it's time to sleep.
    That's kind of what I've been feeling recently too, though for a while, the rush of being needed and wanted felt very good. Perhaps this is mutual vampirism, then (for me).
    I don't know. I'm still learning to differentiate between connection and superficial popularity. Actually, I realise I've been seeking approval quite a bit recently, because of stress, and it's not turning me into smt I like.

  8. #58
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anja View Post
    My ENFP daughter brings a glow into the room with her when she arrives. Lots of charisma.

    She doesn't appear aware of it. And shrugs when I've mentioned it to her.

    There was a time when she was younger that she used her charm to manipulate others and she was very good at it. I think that she has released that habit with time - using others to her advantage
    . But she is very capable of influencing life events to benefit herself and those around her. I think that is a great deal of her appeal.

    There was a time when others' attraction to her became a nuisance to her and she became avoidant, disappearing from peoples' lives for several months at a time. I think it was just overwhelming to her and she hadn't learned how to handle it well.


    She prefers the company of several soul-mate type friends
    but everywhere she goes it seems like people know her and holler out to her.

    I've actually opened my checkbook, with pictures of my kids in it in places and had the cashier glance over and say, "Hey! I know her!" And I think, "I imagine so."

    I started noticing this about her when she was a toddler shopping with me.
    Quote Originally Posted by Anja View Post
    Several here have touched on the issue of authenticity. And I think that is an important thing for ENFPs. It can be confusing to wield so much influence over others. Being a focus for attention can carry a burden with it.

    I know that my daughter sometimes feels that people want to draw that energy from her for themselves. She calls it "emotional vampirism." Heh. And I know that she has sometimes felt uncomfortable with others' neediness for her attentions.


    Her heart is a good one and it tugged on her to try to "fix" people and in the way that they wanted her to do it.

    That did cause confusion for her growing up. But she was also very aware of that at an early age. More so than most young people in general I think.

    I was impressed and surprised when, one day at about eighteen years of age, she told me of what a struggle it was for her to be her true self with all the adoration (my word) attention and the pressure that she sometimes felt to fill others' needs.


    She strives for authenticity. It is a strong need to be her "real self."
    I'm making a guess that that would be a common goal for most ENFPs.

    As most people, she has a dark side. And it is enormous and very frightening both to her and to those who have encountered it.
    I haven't seen it for years now but it always cracks me up when people praise her to my face and I think, "You should've seen what I've seen!"

    I know that with the personal power that she carries she's needed to do a greal deal of work on getting to know herself and how to tread lightly with her ability to influence.

    And another thing she's had to learn to do is to say "no" to people without having to explode or run away.


    This is one of the good life tasks for an ENFP, I think.


    Perhaps the most insightful post I have ever read on what it is truly like to be an ENFP.

    Honestly, WOW!!!

    Thank you so much for sharing!!!



    And I too call that draining of energy by "friends" emotional vampirism!!

    Wow, just wow.

    Thanks!!!

    `
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    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

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  9. #59
    Senior Member mlittrell's Avatar
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    i have no idea if im well liked or not lol

    im probably hated here
    "Honest differences are often a healthy sign of progress. "

    "You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty."

    "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

    Mahatma Gandhi

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  10. #60
    Senior Member Angry Ayrab's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mlittrell View Post
    i have no idea if im well liked or not lol

    im probably hated here
    Na bro.

    you is definitely chill dog.

    Actually, it is a delight to have you here. Thank youf for your usually insightful posts, keep it up.

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