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  1. #41
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    My ENFP daughter brings a glow into the room with her when she arrives. Lots of charisma.

    She doesn't appear aware of it. And shrugs when I've mentioned it to her.

    There was a time when she was younger that she used her charm to manipulate others and she was very good at it. I think that she has released that habit with time - using others to her advantage. But she is very capable of influencing life events to benefit herself and those around her. I think that is a great deal of her appeal.

    There was a time when others' attraction to her became a nuisance to her and she became avoidant, disappearing from peoples' lives for several months at a time. I think it was just overwhelming to her and she hadn't learned how to handle it well.

    She prefers the company of several soul-mate type friends but everywhere she goes it seems like people know her and holler out to her.

    I've actually opened my checkbook, with pictures of my kids in it in places and had the cashier glance over and say, "Hey! I know her!" And I think, "I imagine so."

    I started noticing this about her when she was a toddler shopping with me.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  2. #42
    Senior Member Hexis's Avatar
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    I think im one of the few ENFPs that has more "depth" than "breadth" when it comes to casual relationships. I use to not be, and I was usually well liked (as in more than the average person), most of this stemed souly from first impressions and chance encounters. But I grew to realise that yes these people like me but when I would try to push things farther or grow a more in depth relation with them I end up getting hurt in the long run. Cause the impression I left was "hey thats the cool guy who is always at the partys" or some such, and people just like being around people like that by happenstance but wouldnt really go out of there way to hang out with.

    So in the past year or so ive subconsciously grown to be more of a dick or ass at all social gathererings. I guess as a kind of defense mechanism to weed out all the pricks who wouldnt want me as a friend in the first place.

    Sorry if none of that made sense im really tired right now lol and I think I might have started rambling, oh well.
    SDMF

  3. #43
    almost half a doctor phoenix13's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anja View Post
    My ENFP daughter brings a glow into the room with her when she arrives. Lots of charisma.

    She doesn't appear aware of it. And shrugs when I've mentioned it to her.

    There was a time when she was younger that she used her charm to manipulate others and she was very good at it. I think that she has released that habit with time - using others to her advantage. But she is very capable of influencing life events to benefit herself and those around her. I think that is a great deal of her appeal.

    There was a time when others' attraction to her became a nuisance to her and she became avoidant, disappearing from peoples' lives for several months at a time. I think it was just overwhelming to her and she hadn't learned how to handle it well.

    She prefers the company of several soul-mate type friends but everywhere she goes it seems like people know her and holler out to her.

    I've actually opened my checkbook, with pictures of my kids in it in places and had the cashier glance over and say, "Hey! I know her!" And I think, "I imagine so."

    I started noticing this about her when she was a toddler shopping with me.
    Holy. Crap. I'm not haughty or a narcissist, but that rings true to me entirely... particularly the avoidance part. While I don't feel like people are knocking over chairs to touch the corner of my robe, I do feel that people always want something from me... The infamous ENFP spark brightens peoples' lives, and that's what they're after. Unfortunately, that's all they're after, and that makes me feel like a whore. I'm not a friggin' heroin fix that you can just shoot up whenever you're felling bored or down! Wow, I'm getting vulgar. I think it's time to sleep.

  4. #44
    Member BlownAway's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hexis View Post
    I think im one of the few ENFPs that has more "depth" than "breadth" when it comes to casual relationships. I use to not be, and I was usually well liked (as in more than the average person), most of this stemed souly from first impressions and chance encounters. But I grew to realise that yes these people like me but when I would try to push things farther or grow a more in depth relation with them I end up getting hurt in the long run. Cause the impression I left was "hey thats the cool guy who is always at the partys" or some such, and people just like being around people like that by happenstance but wouldnt really go out of there way to hang out with.

    So in the past year or so ive subconsciously grown to be more of a dick or ass at all social gathererings. I guess as a kind of defense mechanism to weed out all the pricks who wouldnt want me as a friend in the first place.

    Sorry if none of that made sense im really tired right now lol and I think I might have started rambling, oh well.

    It did make sense..understand what you mean..and I've had similar experiences. I do think ENFP:s get misunderstood quite a lot..we appear "bubbly" and energetic, socializing..making people laugh. Bot most don't see the deeper side, the profoundness. I had a wide range of acquaintances when younger, and now I only have very few close friends. They're all strong iNtuitives. I ended up realizing that most people liked me in a casual way, but they didn't actually see the real me. Have the same trouble with men haha , they're always so in to me at first..but after a while they don't understand me and think I'm weird... That does not go for male ENFP:s though .

  5. #45
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    Right now I work in a dept that is 99% introverted. I stick out big time. (Most of them are in the ISTJ type.)

    I don't know if I can say I am popular in the sense that I am well liked as much as in this case I am an oddity for them.

    Interestingly enough, they don't go out of their way to talk to me since they are introverts and tend to keep to others they know better (I'm fairly new to this dept) but whenever there is any project or event that needs a leader chosen, I am asked automatically. Even at times where it doesn't make sense because I haven't been there long enough to know how things are supposed to be done. I am still "chosen" usually before I even get to put in a word in edgewise...

  6. #46
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Several here have touched on the issue of authenticity. And I think that is an important thing for ENFPs. It can be confusing to wield so much influence over others. Being a focus for attention can carry a burden with it.

    I know that my daughter sometimes feels that people want to draw that energy from her for themselves. She calls it "emotional vampirism." Heh. And I know that she has sometimes felt uncomfortable with others' neediness for her attentions.

    Her heart is a good one and it tugged on her to try to "fix" people and in the way that they wanted her to do it.

    That did cause confusion for her growing up. But she was also very aware of that at an early age. More so than most young people in general I think.

    I was impressed and surprised when, one day at about eighteen years of age, she told me of what a struggle it was for her to be her true self with all the adoration (my word) attention and the pressure that she sometimes felt to fill others' needs.

    She strives for authenticity. It is a strong need to be her "real self." I'm making a guess that that would be a common goal for most ENFPs.

    As most people, she has a dark side. And it is enormous and very frightening both to her and to those who have encountered it. I haven't seen it for years now but it always cracks me up when people praise her to my face and I think, "You should've seen what I've seen!"

    I know that with the personal power that she carries she's needed to do a greal deal of work on getting to know herself and how to tread lightly with her ability to influence.

    And another thing she's had to learn to do is to say "no" to people without having to explode or run away.

    This is one of the good life tasks for an ENFP, I think.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  7. #47
    EvanTheClown (ETC) Clownmaster's Avatar
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    When I'm in stores, there's at least a 30% chance someone will scream my name out and come over to talk to me. And there's only a 80% chance that I'll know their name.

    I have rings of friends, like the rings on a tree stump. The outer ring (and largest) is the acquaintences, and each step inward you go, the more depth than breadth you find in the relationships.

    Because you can't spell "Slaughter" without "Laughter"

  8. #48
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anja View Post
    My ENFP daughter brings a glow into the room with her when she arrives. Lots of charisma.

    She doesn't appear aware of it. And shrugs when I've mentioned it to her.

    There was a time when she was younger that she used her charm to manipulate others and she was very good at it. I think that she has released that habit with time - using others to her advantage. But she is very capable of influencing life events to benefit herself and those around her. I think that is a great deal of her appeal.

    There was a time when others' attraction to her became a nuisance to her and she became avoidant, disappearing from peoples' lives for several months at a time. I think it was just overwhelming to her and she hadn't learned how to handle it well.

    She prefers the company of several soul-mate type friends but everywhere she goes it seems like people know her and holler out to her.

    I've actually opened my checkbook, with pictures of my kids in it in places and had the cashier glance over and say, "Hey! I know her!" And I think, "I imagine so."

    I started noticing this about her when she was a toddler shopping with me.
    Quote Originally Posted by Anja View Post
    Several here have touched on the issue of authenticity. And I think that is an important thing for ENFPs. It can be confusing to wield so much influence over others. Being a focus for attention can carry a burden with it.

    I know that my daughter sometimes feels that people want to draw that energy from her for themselves. She calls it "emotional vampirism." Heh. And I know that she has sometimes felt uncomfortable with others' neediness for her attentions.

    Her heart is a good one and it tugged on her to try to "fix" people and in the way that they wanted her to do it.

    That did cause confusion for her growing up. But she was also very aware of that at an early age. More so than most young people in general I think.

    I was impressed and surprised when, one day at about eighteen years of age, she told me of what a struggle it was for her to be her true self with all the adoration (my word) attention and the pressure that she sometimes felt to fill others' needs.

    She strives for authenticity. It is a strong need to be her "real self." I'm making a guess that that would be a common goal for most ENFPs.

    As most people, she has a dark side. And it is enormous and very frightening both to her and to those who have encountered it. I haven't seen it for years now but it always cracks me up when people praise her to my face and I think, "You should've seen what I've seen!"

    I know that with the personal power that she carries she's needed to do a greal deal of work on getting to know herself and how to tread lightly with her ability to influence.

    And another thing she's had to learn to do is to say "no" to people without having to explode or run away.

    This is one of the good life tasks for an ENFP, I think.
    I think this explains entirely, for most ENFPs, not only why others tend to generally get along with us more stranger-to-stranger, but what we as ENFPs see and feel during these interactions.

    This was very well written and accurate observations you've made. I found myself nodding in agreement with each sentence, the next being just as true as the last.

    Quote Originally Posted by EvanTheClown View Post
    When I'm in stores, there's at least a 30% chance someone will scream my name out and come over to talk to me. And there's only a 80% chance that I'll know their name.

    I have rings of friends, like the rings on a tree stump. The outer ring (and largest) is the acquaintences, and each step inward you go, the more depth than breadth you find in the relationships.
    Nice similie for our social circles we create. Granted, I'm sure most people have that too, but it is especially true in our cases.

    Hex, I HAVE noticed that about you.. from the time I first met you, when you were very socially outgoing at parties, talking to everyone and expressing your ENFP aura throughout the party, to the way you hang out at them now there is a dramatic difference. I just wish things could be a bit different.
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  9. #49
    Member Lizzy1813's Avatar
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    OMG!!! Anja, that's so true to some problems I'm dealing with now! Esp. the "emotional vamparism"! It's hard to tell people in essence to leave me alone without feeling guilty about it...but I feel so suppressed and untrue to myself when I don't have my isolation time.

    Another thing about the well-likedness is that I (as a college student) seem to get along with my teachers and employers/bosses really well...but then there's the weird feeling of "I'm not trying to be a 'teacher's pet', am I?" or "I don't bow to my boss's whims too easily, do I?". And then when other students/workers complain about how mean and strict the teacher/boss is, I don't know what to say. Half the time, I try to say something non-committal like "Uh huh" "Oh?" "Mmm" that make me feel like I'm stupid-izing myself.

    Is this just me? :confused:

  10. #50
    Senior Member mlittrell's Avatar
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    im typically instantly aware if im well liked or looked at as weird lol...the latter more then i would enjoy but hey, its cool
    "Honest differences are often a healthy sign of progress. "

    "You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty."

    "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

    Mahatma Gandhi

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