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[MBTI General] Question to the ENFP's

Maabus1999

New member
Joined
Aug 2, 2008
Messages
528
MBTI Type
INTJ
Ok, I know a female ENFP who I got a long with well enough. However, I don't live near her and we decided just to write back and forth. So at one point I asked her if she was looking to talk to me on a more personal nature or just stay in touch. Her response, besides a bunch of other sections bouncing all over the place(which ended with yes, let's talk), was to write 2 pages of her journal to me since she wasn't at home and it would give me a chance to know what/how she think and to get some inner insight.

Now I have my own thoughts on this, my INTJ thoughts:thinking::, but what do the female ENFPs think of her actions here? I enjoy ENFP personalities but am also a little leery at times, as this sorta surprised me. Have to stay on guard! :duel:
 

Venom

Babylon Candle
Joined
Feb 10, 2008
Messages
2,126
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
1w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
why does her journal make you leery? why does it make you want to be on guard?
 

nomadic

mountain surfing
Joined
Jul 15, 2008
Messages
1,709
MBTI Type
enfp
i mean, she is sharing some personal stuff with you.

u can tell her about your personal stuff too. help her out in anything u see in what she wrote too...
 

arcticangel02

To the top of the world
Joined
Oct 5, 2007
Messages
892
MBTI Type
eNFP
Yeah, the fact that she's opening up and sharing something deeply personal to her (what's more personal than her journal?) is a pretty good sign for you.

Even though we're outgoing and stuff, we can be quite private people, too. She clearly likes and trusts you a great deal.
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
She's trying to let you in. My ENFP twin is like Angel said. Open but weirdly private.
 

Rachelinpa

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Aug 4, 2008
Messages
878
MBTI Type
ENFP
That sounds like something I would have done in the past. It's offering insight into her private life without having to do the work of explaining it herself. It's kind of like reading a book before discussing it in class. You do your homework on me and then we can discuss it later. I don't want you to have to start at Square One, so come prepared to know me! :)
 

Maabus1999

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Aug 2, 2008
Messages
528
MBTI Type
INTJ
why does her journal make you leery? why does it make you want to be on guard?

Maybe I misrepresented what I was saying. Just ENFPs sometimes catch me by surprise when they do something I wasn't expecting in comparison to experience with other personality types. It is a pro you all have. The on guard is more of "whoa, let me think a second" before I respond. It just reminded me of an intuitive duel I guess *shrug*.

i mean, she is sharing some personal stuff with you.

u can tell her about your personal stuff too. help her out in anything u see in what she wrote too...

Agreed but it definitely takes times with INTJs to let folks in fully. Heck, my mother always hated I always kept my feelings inside for a long time. Of course I am a mid adult now so I talk a bit more openly then I did as a child. Anyways, usually I unravel one layer at a time as I consider my personality to be complex. I wonder how ENFPs deal with people that will hold back and go slow.

Yeah, the fact that she's opening up and sharing something deeply personal to her (what's more personal than her journal?) is a pretty good sign for you.

Even though we're outgoing and stuff, we can be quite private people, too. She clearly likes and trusts you a great deal.

That is what I felt about the trust, but again as mentioned above, it surprised me just in the speed of trust. It is counter to my personality, though I consider myself to be very friendly and polite.

I guess my original post should be more of a question do ENFP's commonly share more personal thoughts quickly with somebody then other types, or less frequently?
 

LadyJaye

Scream down the boulevard
Joined
Nov 6, 2007
Messages
2,062
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Agreed but it definitely takes times with INTJs to let folks in fully. Heck, my mother always hated I always kept my feelings inside for a long time. Of course I am a mid adult now so I talk a bit more openly then I did as a child. Anyways, usually I unravel one layer at a time as I consider my personality to be complex. I wonder how ENFPs deal with people that will hold back and go slow.

I can only speak for myself, but I appreciate someone who can pace themselves. I tend to feel overwhelmed by people who just blather a bunch of personal things at me - it makes me feel like there's a rush. As if this guy isn't planning on being around for very long, doesn't have the juice for the long haul. Does that make sense? I mean, even my friendships are long term.


I guess my original post should be more of a question do ENFP's commonly share more personal thoughts quickly with somebody then other types, or less frequently?

There are many feelings and situations that I can relate easily to, when talking to others. That may make it seem as if I'm willing to share my deeply personal thoughts with practically anyone. But, really, that's just to make the other person feel understood, to keep communication flowing, to help them feel at ease. I relate enough for them to feel safe. But the things that are deeply personal to me, I only share with those I feel comfortable with, because for me, it's super difficult to talk about myself. I think perhaps she just feels safe with you. Allowing you to see her journal is a big deal, in my estimation. Now, is this freaking you out, like it seems like a lack of boundaries?
 

Kanamori

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Apr 23, 2007
Messages
361
It's like someone jumping on top of you when you were having a calm conversation 5 seconds before.
 

Maabus1999

New member
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Aug 2, 2008
Messages
528
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INTJ
There are many feelings and situations that I can relate easily to, when talking to others. That may make it seem as if I'm willing to share my deeply personal thoughts with practically anyone. But, really, that's just to make the other person feel understood, to keep communication flowing, to help them feel at ease. I relate enough for them to feel safe. But the things that are deeply personal to me, I only share with those I feel comfortable with, because for me, it's super difficult to talk about myself. I think perhaps she just feels safe with you. Allowing you to see her journal is a big deal, in my estimation. Now, is this freaking you out, like it seems like a lack of boundaries?

This has been my thinking, on the positive side of my thinking, and the experience I have with ENFP's. Boundary wise, I'm pretty laid back just very "cool". What I am sorta concerned about is the times she was hanging out with me in a normal environment, she acted very non-ENFP like at times(especially compared to pictures I was shown of her having fun). She would still get excited and crazy but became very reserved when I came by at times; heck, even at times I swear I had more energy flowing out then she did. Most of the time when I get that feeling from folks it means I'm bugging them somehow, though my intuitive side said something was up.

So from above, that behavior just has me in an analyzing mode now because from the journal to her actions just seemingly off from normal ENFP behavior(and I could be very wrong here too). Yes she may like me (and a reason I asked first about if she was looking to talk personally) but still perplexing being I live a great distance away.
 

sciski

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Jan 7, 2008
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467
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NSFW
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6w7
Well she likes you. ENFPs go quieter around a person they like. :)

There is also the added explanation that the more people around, the more energetic and animated the extravert gets - whereas for the introvert it's the opposite. So if you continually see each other one on one, maybe that's factoring into it.
 

sketcheasy

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Joined
May 20, 2008
Messages
101
MBTI Type
ENFP
i remember i liked this one girl and every time she'd walk into the dining hall i would put my hood on and try to act completely invisible. cute girls make me nervous and incoherent. i try to be confident and self-assuring but i fail miserably each time.
 

TrueHeart

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Dec 23, 2007
Messages
85
MBTI Type
INFP
She's trying to let you in. My ENFP twin is like Angel said. Open but weirdly private.
I used to be close with a woman whom I think is ENFP. It used to strike me as peculiar how much alike we were but also how different. Very open, talkative, and forthright she was, yet "weirdly private".

I think this difference between openness and privacy can be put this way: she was very open about what was on her mind, but very guarded about what was in her heart.
 

Rachelinpa

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Aug 4, 2008
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ENFP
I used to be close with a woman whom I think is ENFP. It used to strike me as peculiar how much alike we were but also how different. Very open, talkative, and forthright she was, yet "weirdly private".

I think this difference between openness and privacy can be put this way: she was very open about what was on her mind, but very guarded about what was in her heart.

I wonder if she was this way to you because you were an INFP. Like, I wonder if she was this way with other people.

I find that I am pretty open about everything and not private about much unless I feel like a) Your intensity and my intensity are going to get out of hand if I overshare b) Issues of romance get involved - i.e. I think you're into me and I'm not into you or c) It freaks me out that you have the ability to see so much about me, so I have to keep something to myself in order to preserve my own essence.

Interesting.
 

Maabus1999

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I wonder if she was this way to you because you were an INFP. Like, I wonder if she was this way with other people.

I find that I am pretty open about everything and not private about much unless I feel like a) Your intensity and my intensity are going to get out of hand if I overshare b) Issues of romance get involved - i.e. I think you're into me and I'm not into you or c) It freaks me out that you have the ability to see so much about me, so I have to keep something to myself in order to preserve my own essence.

Interesting.

Question is do you share everything about yourself and how you really feel? Every person has unique traits, and can't be subjected to one type, but I'm curious about your statement of sharing everything as an ENFP as it is opposite from some other replies.

To back up with the other ENFP's, In short it was described to me from her standpoint as a rare opportunity to talk about who she is on the inside. Trust me, this put me in shock that I had to go work out for 2 hours to get my thoughts around this one. INTJ's are so secretive and mysterious (think Christian Bale in Batman Begins) it is like being actually struck in a duel when someone does something we aren't prepared for or can easily relate with (as in this case).
 

TrueHeart

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Dec 23, 2007
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INFP
I wonder if she was this way to you because you were an INFP. Like, I wonder if she was this way with other people.
Actually, the opposite. We were close enough that she would share her feelings with me, but not with others.

Here's one illustrative story.

She was a senior in high school and had a big crush on a guy. He was an athlete, and I suggested that she go to one of his games to see him play. (Another guy, who liked her, went to her volleyball games to see her play, and she thought it was very sweet. So that's why I made the suggestion.) Here is the conversation that ensued:

I: "Why don't you go to one of his games?"
She: "I can't do that."
I: "Why not?"
She: "Because then he'll think I like him."
I: "But... but... you do like him!"
She: "Yeah... but he's not supposed to think so!"
 

Rachelinpa

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878
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ENFP
Question is do you share everything about yourself and how you really feel?

Does anyone do that? I have tact! Sometimes!!

But yeah, I would say I am open about how I feel, especially if asked. In fact, I love talking about how I feel and discussing how you and all your friends feel! Ok, ok, sometimes I play the ENIGMA CARD if I am bored... but usually not.

She: "Yeah... but he's not supposed to think so!"

To me, this has nothing to do with whether or not she is open about how she feels. This is just part of the game we play! It sounds like something I would do, but only because I want to secure that he likes me first and more than I like him! Once his interest is absolutely certain, then of course I'd attend his games.

But again, yes, I suppose the ENIGMA CARD may get pulled in that instance as well. Otherwise, it just gets boring and I must be frequently entertained!
 

nomadic

mountain surfing
Joined
Jul 15, 2008
Messages
1,709
MBTI Type
enfp
To me, this has nothing to do with whether or not she is open about how she feels. This is just part of the game we play! It sounds like something I would do, but only because I want to secure that he likes me first and more than I like him! Once his interest is absolutely certain, then of course I'd attend his games.

But again, yes, I suppose the ENIGMA CARD may get pulled in that instance as well. Otherwise, it just gets boring and I must be frequently entertained!

LOL

its the 21st century ladies. Its okay for a woman to like a guy first and express it. ^_^

we're not in the 1950's anymore. -_-
 

sketcheasy

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May 20, 2008
Messages
101
MBTI Type
ENFP
It's ok, but it's not nearly as FUN!

i don't know, i think it's pretty fun. besides, i think a lot of enfp's prefer the other person to initiate the romantic conversation. most of my relationships only began because the other person gave away their interest first. it's a mind game and i don't play unless i have a full deck.
 
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