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  1. #1
    Junior Member LowEnd's Avatar
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    Default How do Fs deal with despair?

    Being the emotional retard I am, I wouldn't mind knowing how an F would negotiate absolute 'wit's end'. My instinct under extreme emotional influence is to collapse in on myself and shut up for about a week. I'll think a lot amid deadpan confusion and frustration, trying to make sense of it. I know there are better ways of dealing, hence this thread.

    So, you Fs are capable of understanding your feelings and acting accordingly.
    Lets hear it.

    Obviously subject to situation, but say what you can.

  2. #2
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    Sort of a vague question.. do you mean, how do we deal with a situation in which there truly is no hope? Or how do we act when we are desperate (a state of extreme need accompanied by great anxiety)?

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    Junior Member LowEnd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dana View Post
    how do we act when we are desperate (a state of extreme need accompanied by great anxiety)?
    Yeah, pretty much.

    You need something/someone/anything, desperately but all possibilities have been exhausted, which leaves you in a desperate situation. The desperate situation has emotional repercussions. How do you deal with those?

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    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LowEnd View Post
    Yeah, pretty much.

    You need something/someone/anything, desperately but all possibilities have been exhausted, which leaves you in a desperate situation. The desperate situation has emotional repercussions. How do you deal with those?
    I turn to the comforting wisdom of the sages.. Osho, Deng Ming-Dao..

    Also, and more importantly, I allow myself to go through the grieving process, and I do not hold back.

  5. #5
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    acceptance!

    Whenever I can't get something I need (and it happens! :O) and it's bothering me, I usually just keep myself busy with people/things/rocking out

    I've found there's little in life worth dwelling over, no job means in the best case you've an opportunity for career change and at worst well you can get a job at McDonald's until you find something better. No girl means at best you can look at people more openly and find someone that's even better for you! At worst, no girl means possibly some adjustment (maybe financially) but you can at least reevaluate where you are and where YOU want to be!

    But hey, holing up for a week isn't the end of the world! Comparitively speaking, a week to surpass a traumatic event or turn of events is quick! I've known/know people that take far longer than that!

  6. #6
    Free-Rangin' Librarian Jae Rae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LowEnd View Post
    Being the emotional retard I am, I wouldn't mind knowing how an F would negotiate absolute 'wit's end'. My instinct under extreme emotional influence is to collapse in on myself and shut up for about a week. I'll think a lot amid deadpan confusion and frustration, trying to make sense of it. I know there are better ways of dealing, hence this thread.

    So, you Fs are capable of understanding your feelings and acting accordingly.
    Lets hear it.

    Obviously subject to situation, but say what you can.
    Your spelling of despair makes me despair.

    To answer the question - yes, collapsing is a possibility. Thoughts swirling, I talk about it with husband and friends. I obsess. I read about moods, typology or personality to get a handle on why the person has acted in a way to make me despair or why I'm reacting the way I am.

    Here's what helps - time away from the situation and thinking about it. A walk or bike ride, swim, shower, nap, movie (something funny often works wonders), diverting reading material (not about personality), shopping at the farmer's market, haircut. Diversion and treating myself well are the antidotes to despair, which is an attack on my tranquillity and self-esteem.

    I'm not sure which situation we're discussing. If it's an actual loss (break-up, eg), grieving is normal and natural and you have to get through it. Try to be as kind to yourself as you can.
    Proud Female Rider in Maverick's Bike Club.

  7. #7
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LowEnd View Post
    Being the emotional retard I am, I wouldn't mind knowing how an F would negotiate absolute 'wit's end'. My instinct under extreme emotional influence is to collapse in on myself and shut up for about a week. I'll think a lot amid deadpan confusion and frustration, trying to make sense of it. I know there are better ways of dealing, hence this thread.
    Many similarities here for me except replace deadpan and focus on only thinking with over the top crying and anxiety wrestling with thinking clearly until i get really sleepy in a funny peaceful bliss of not having enough energy to continue feeling the pain. I do recluse until it is sorted out.

    I see the emotional element similarly to getting physically sick and just allow it to happen until it drains itself of its strength. Then, the thinking and analysis part examines the more subjective aspects of what took place from a position of distance: What was my perception? What was the other person/people's perception? What is fair and reasonable? How can I frame this situation in a way that minimizes tunnel vision, anxiety, despair? What irrational ideas am i projecting onto this situation to increase my pain? What actions can I take to produce the best result for myself and the people I care about?

    Those kinds of questions attempt to make it to the foreground from the start, but if I can sense that my mind is too flooded with chemicals and emotion to actually think constructively, then I try to allow the emotions to come without any judgment and just move through them in the present moment without thinking at all. Then as they dissipate, I can focus in on the analysis from the position of observer of the situation. I try to view myself and others involved as an observer and think of what i would say to comfort such a person in my situation.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  8. #8
    Junior Member LowEnd's Avatar
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    Acceptance isn't good in my experience. For example, prolonged unemployment could cause such despair, and accepting that you're very bad at finding/obtaining employment isn't going to help.

    I've heard the "Talk to someone" tip many times. In theory it should help. I understand the apparent benefits, but trying to explain the tangled layers of what goes through my head, just doesn't work. No different to attempting to untie a giant knot. Also, the way I converse is largely reliant on the other person. I let others dictate the direction of conversation. I'm a hell of a lot better at reacting than I am acting. So unless someone asks the right questions (ain't gonna happen), I'm not going to reach a relevant point unless I force the conversation in that direction (despair itself prohibits this).

    Distractions can work, but being an INTP, I'm never far from prioritising my brain activity and putting everything else on autopilot. Not only that, I'm damn lazy.

    Crying til I get sleepy?
    Not since I was a very very small child. Ah, simpler times.

    I'm not good at letting emotions out (surprised?). After all, I've spent so long keeping them down, I wouldn't know how to be particularly emotional. Like you said Toonia, Its only a chemical reaction and its getting in the way of normal functioning. I can either tuck it away, or welcome hell into my head (no thanks).

    I realise I've just swatted away the suggestions I asked for, but I'm looking for a chink in the armor of my idiosyncrasies. I've spent a lot of time perfecting what is essentially a flawed method. Old habits die hard. Isn't there some kind of secret coping manual issued to Fs?

  9. #9
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LowEnd View Post
    Acceptance isn't good in my experience. For example, prolonged unemployment could cause such despair, and accepting that you're very bad at finding/obtaining employment isn't going to help.
    This is not acceptance. This is the application of a negative judgment.

  10. #10
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    I would guess that they deal with despair by getting depressed for a while.

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