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  1. #1
    Senior Member lulabelle's Avatar
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    Default Are INFPs hopeless in love?

    Awkward thread title, but can't change it apparently. Anyway.

    That's the sense I get from perusing reddit, here, and various forums.
    Other types strongly prefer non-INFPs, and often describe past relationships with INFPs as horrible experiences.
    Does our Dom-Fi make us largely unloveable? I feel like people mainly talk about it as a weakness.
    Do most of us find it impossible to be in a fulfulling, romantic love?
    Feel a bit disheartened the more I read about INFPs and how others perceive us :/
    I know I shouldn't let it get to me but I feel so similar to many INFPs that post, and
    I can't imagine I'll experience things much better.

    Are INFPs hopeless at not double posting? THIS one is.
    Likes oneandonly liked this post

  2. #2
    Sweet Ocean Cloud SD45T-2's Avatar
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    I know there are at least a few who have had successful relationships.
    1w2-6w5-3w2 so/sp

    "I took one those personality tests. It came back negative." - Dan Mintz

  3. #3
    Nyarlathotep ESFJ's Avatar
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    No. Individuals most always far from speak for the rest. The rest also most often do not speak for the individual.

    For every INFP serial killer there is an INFP saint and vise versa/everything inbetween(of course then there must also exist INFP serial killers who consider themselves saints but lets not talk about them right now...)that applies towards every type. MBTI isn't a fortune telling tool. No type is predestined for anything. That would make everything duller.

    Also, if Fi dominance where a criteria for repulsiveness then ISFP's would also be in that boat with INFP's. I personally have a weak stomach so to speak when it comes to Fe but that doesn't mean every other person in the world does too. There are many out there who love Fi(not specifically speaking of course, as that would be incredibly odd).

    In this scenerio, I think it's important to remember that the first step towards losing is taken very early on. By already counting yourself out or expecting things to go badly for yourself from the get go you may fulfill your own prophecy. It's not destiny it's choice within the guise of certainty.

    Your type alone will not dictate your love life. Your choices, your mindset, that's what is important.

    Keep your chin up and realize that you alone are in control of your life in most all it's aspects.

  4. #4
    Senior Member lulabelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Desiderium View Post
    No. Individuals most always far from speak for the rest. The rest also most often do not speak for the individual.

    For every INFP serial killer there is an INFP saint and vise versa/everything inbetween(of course then there must also exist INFP serial killers who consider themselves saints but lets not talk about them right now...)that applies towards every type. MBTI isn't a fortune telling tool. No type is predestined for anything. That would make everything duller.

    Also, if Fi dominance where a criteria for repulsiveness then ISFP's would also be in that boat with INFP's. I personally have a weak stomach so to speak when it comes to Fe but that doesn't mean every other person in the world does too. There are many out there who love Fi(not specifically speaking of course, as that would be incredibly odd).

    In this scenerio, I think it's important to remember that the first step towards losing is taken very early on. By already counting yourself out or expecting things to go badly for yourself from the get go you may fulfill your own prophecy. It's not destiny it's choice within the guise of certainty.

    Your type alone will not dictate your love life. Your choices, your mindset, that's what is important.

    Keep your chin up and realize that you alone are in control of your life in most all it's aspects.
    i know. a person has to pretend like they're in control to ever get anywhere. or i guess, commit to fully living forward in spite of the uncertainty.

    i probably shouldn't have said Fi-dom. it isn't exclusively Fi-dom that makes us romantically repulsive to most, it's the special combination of Fi-dom + dreaminess and rumination + perceiving, which makes us really in our own worlds and bad at following though.
    i don't think it's hopeless but i do think that the way we're wired is a recipe for greater difficulty in romantic relationships than most. I've had INFJs tell me that our special brand of Fi-dom just isn't accessible through Fe or logic. it's something that a person can't really understand or fully relate to unless they have it, I think. Fe is a lot more accessible. And coupled with Si and Ne, we're emotionally so intense and unpredictable in many ways + unreachable sometimes because we're so inside of ourselves + often living in the past.

    i see NFs like INFJs and ENFPs and i'm jealous. they all seem to have this special connection with other types... every NT seems to LOVE INFJs (you see soooo many INFJs in very happy, not super trying relationships with ENTPs, INTPs, INTJs and ENFPs as well), and INTJs and ENTJs and INFJs LOVE ENFPs. i can't help but feel like the way i'm wired is inadequate in attracting the kind of people i enjoy longterm. i get the sense that there are people fundamentally far more complementary that should be dating a certain person. obviously everyone is different and everyone has their struggles but on the whole it just seems like a lot more work for us to be appealing as a longterm romantic partner. it's almost like we were made to be these art machines and then die LULZ. kidding but kinda not!

  5. #5
    Nyarlathotep ESFJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lulabelle View Post
    i know. a person has to pretend like they're in control to ever get anywhere. or i guess, fully live forward in spite of the uncertainty.

    i probably shouldn't have said Fi-dom. it isn't Fi-dom by itself that makes us romantically repulsive to most, it's the special combination of Fi-dom + dreaminess and rumination + perceiving, which makes us really in our own worlds and bad at following though.
    i don't think it's hopeless but i do think that the way we're wired is a recipe for greater difficulty in romantic relationships than most. I've had INFJs tell me that our special brand of Fi-dom just isn't accessible through Fe or logic. it's something that a person can't really understand or fully relate to unless they have it, I think. Fe is a lot more accessible. And coupled with Si and Ne, we're emotionally so intense and unpredictable in many ways + unreachable sometimes because we're so inside of ourselves

    i see NFs like INFJs and ENFPs and i'm jealous. they all seem to have this special connection with other types... every NT seems to LOVE INFJs (you see soooo many INFJs in very happy, not super trying relationships with ENTPs, INTPs, INTJs and ENFPs as well), and INTJs and ENTJs and INFJs LOVE ENFPs. i can't help but feel like the way i'm wired is inadequate in attracting the kind of people i enjoy longterm. i get the sense that there are people fundamentally far more complementary that should be dating a certain person. obviously everyone is different but on the whole it just seems like a lot more work for us to be appealing as a longterm romantic partner. it's almost like we were made to be these art machines and then die LULZ. kidding but kinda not!
    Yes I could see how those qualities could make things difficult in a unique ways however I wouldn't at all say it's more difficult than most for us, as I feel every type has it's unique set of challanges. Once I used to think I had it more difficult than others but that was when I found myself in a Fi-Si loop, unable to look outside myself whatsoever and consider anything other than what I had already established/believed to be true. The truth is others have it just as difficult as I do in other areas of their lives. We all struggle, and it all practically amounts to the same in the end, we all just deal differently. It is all however, valid of course. I feel this principle of sorts also lends itself well to relationships. Some INFP's may be brooding and unpredictable but some ESFJ's may also be moody and unpredictable(especially since their shadow is ISFP...) or have their won unique struggles such as being too demanding or pushy and whatnot.

    Nonetheless, yes I can see how the INFP brand of Fi may be seen as idiosyncratic and unreachable because well it is and in turn we are(well some of us at least)...However, being emotionally intese is not necesarily a disadvantage and neither is unpredictability, with the right partner, the sort of person who may appreciate and understand those qualities, they may be assets and not drawbacks. It's all very subjective.

    I feel this is all perhaps more of an e4+INFP thing than just an INFP thing being that as a 9 I've always sort of felt that I deserve someone who understands that my flaws are not simply and two dimensionally flaws but also attributes of myself, the person they love and therefore they must also love my flaws as I do. That I deserve someone and that this someone will come along(this is one of the few aspects of destiny I can buy into actually). Love has always been the place wiithin which I've always felt deserving and confident in myself in a way. As well as feel that yes I have difficulty in some aspects in regards to relationships but then again so do the other 15 types in different aspects as they are individuals first and foremost.

    In regards to your final paragraph, in that frame I can somewhat see how you would percieve it to be more difficult for INFP's, and in a sense I can relate as I too feel Fi's sort of slow connection building(as oppose to Fe's rapid connection building) may indeed in at least a few ways make it dfficult for one to form connections with others in a way that may seem inacessible or difficult.

    Yet, we do not suffer any more or any less than others holistically speaking, our challanges are individual but that doesn't make our suffering any more special or intensified. The other NF's aren't better, and neither are any of the rest of the types so there's not really any reason to be jealous that I can percieve. Sure, they may seemingly have it easier on the surface to some but no one but them knows what lies below that. To assume that they have it "good" is a bit superficial as well as blanket-like.

  6. #6
    Senior Member lulabelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Desiderium View Post
    Yes I could see how those qualities could make things difficult in a unique ways however I wouldn't at all say it's more difficult than most for us, as I feel every type has it's unique set of challanges. Once I used to think I had it more difficult than others but that was when I found myself in a Fi-Si loop, unable to look outside myself whatsoever and consider anything other than what I had already established/believed to be true. The truth is others have it just as difficult as I do in other areas of their lives. We all struggle, and it all practically amounts to the same in the end, we all just deal differently. It is all however, valid of course. Some INFP's may be brooding and unpredictable but some ESFJ's may also be moody and unpredictable(especially since their shadow is ISFP...) or have their won unique struggles such as being too demanding or pushy and whatnot.

    Nonetheless, yes I can see how the INFP brand of Fi may be seen as idiosyncratic and unreachable because well it is and in turn we are...However, being emotionally intese is not necesarily a disadvantage and neither is unpredictability, with the right partner, the sort of person who may appreciate and understand those qualities, they may be assets and not drawbacks. It's all very subjective.

    I feel this is all perhaps more of an e4+INFP thing than just an INFP thing being that as a 9 I've always sort of felt that I deserve someone who understands that my flaws are not simply and two dimensionally flaws but also attributes of myself, the person they love and therefore they must also love my flaws as I do. That I deserve someone and that this someone will come along(this is one of the few aspects of destiny I can buy into actually). Love has always been the place wiithin which I've always felt deserving and confident in myself in a way. As well as feel that yes I have difficulty in some aspects in regards to relationships but then again so do the other 15 types in different aspects as they are individuals first and foremost.

    In regards to your final paragraph, in that frame I can somewhat see how you would percieve it to be more difficult for INFP's, and in a sense I can relate as I too feel Fi's sort of slow connection building(as oppose to Fe's rapid connection building) may indeed in at least a few ways make it dfficult for one to form connections with others in a way that may seem inacessible or difficult.

    Yet, we do not suffer any more or any less than others holistically speaking, our challanges are individual but that doesn't make our suffering any more special or intensified. The other NF's aren't better, and neither are any of the rest of the types so there's not really any reason to be jealous that I can percieve. Sure, they may seemingly have it easier on the surface to some but no one but them knows what lies below that.
    i guess i've internalized a lot of judgment throughout the yrs for being 'weird.' when i go online + read all this stuff about how INFPs are batshit insane and horrible at relationships and useless at life (pretty much) i can't help but let it in, in some small way. i know it's rly silly!
    maybe it is a 4w5 thing because i have this need to express and be entirely accepted for my quirks and perceived Weirdness + at the same time i'm thinking that i need to tone things down to relate to people who are different from me + whose perspectives i can benefit from but to what degree should i compromise/present myself in a way that doesn't feel entirely True? should this be in the cards at all? i wish i didn't care.

  7. #7
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    Enneagram fours.

  8. #8
    an abyss of Nothingness Arctic Hysteria's Avatar
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    Yes. INFP e4, especially.
    Partly because we fall in love too deeply. Partly because we're too idealistic and we search for that something special that is almost non-existent.
    .
    | | | If it is god who makes man, this is the devil finishing touches | | |
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  9. #9
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Naturally INFPs fall hopelessly in love; this is part of their charm.

  10. #10
    Senior Member lulabelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mole View Post
    Naturally INFPs fall hopelessly in love; this is part of their charm.
    i meant to title my post 'hopeless AT love'
    and re:longterm love. not sweet infatuation.

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