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  1. #31
    libtard SJW chickpea's Avatar
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    well, i've been in a relationship for quite a while. but i still feel hopeless and bad at relationships at times. or that i'm attracted to difficult situations.
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  2. #32
    Member Turtle's Avatar
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    Hopeless? I'm not sure. I think that a lot of it is knowing what you want (not just catering to what your partner wants) and making a compromise when necessary.

    After some healthy introspection, I think that I have a solid grasp of what I want. I want someone who is highly intelligent and not set in their ways. I don't necessarily need someone "quirky" like me (though it is a huge plus), but I need someone who appreciates my quirkiness, my emotions, and my insights. I want someone emotionally stable who can take care of the essentials that I tend to overlook. I want someone who is resourceful while highly theoretical. I want someone who cares about the relationship enough to make sacrifices when necessary, and I want them to know when I'm being unreasonable and tactfully call me out on it.

    In terms of conversation, I can talk to essentially anyone, though there are very few people who can easily turn me "on" to a conversation. In order to do that, you have to be willing to talk about humans with me. Talk about motivations, intentions, how the brain works, the future, etc. I could live in the realm of mental life, ideas, and human nature. I love learning about other highly theoretical topics, but I will always relate what I've learned back to people and society.

    If I don't work out with my ENTJ, my dream would be to find an NT (or maybe an INFJ) who is emotionally stable, self-revealing when appropriate, publicly tactful, likable, gets stuff done/not lazy, has a life outside of me, honest/full of integrity, highly intelligent, and enjoys talking about how people work as much as I do. Together, we'd be an unstoppable team.

  3. #33
    Senior Member lulabelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Turtle View Post
    Hopeless? I'm not sure. I think that a lot of it is knowing what you want (not just catering to what your partner wants) and making a compromise when necessary.

    After some healthy introspection, I think that I have a solid grasp of what I want. I want someone who is highly intelligent and not set in their ways. I don't necessarily need someone "quirky" like me (though it is a huge plus), but I need someone who appreciates my quirkiness, my emotions, and my insights. I want someone emotionally stable who can take care of the essentials that I tend to overlook. I want someone who is resourceful while highly theoretical. I want someone who cares about the relationship enough to make sacrifices when necessary, and I want them to know when I'm being unreasonable and tactfully call me out on it.

    In terms of conversation, I can talk to essentially anyone, though there are very few people who can easily turn me "on" to a conversation. In order to do that, you have to be willing to talk about humans with me. Talk about motivations, intentions, how the brain works, the future, etc. I could live in the realm of mental life, ideas, and human nature. I love learning about other highly theoretical topics, but I will always relate what I've learned back to people and society.

    If I don't work out with my ENTJ, my dream would be to find an NT (or maybe an INFJ) who is emotionally stable, self-revealing when appropriate, publicly tactful, likable, gets stuff done/not lazy, has a life outside of me, honest/full of integrity, highly intelligent, and enjoys talking about how people work as much as I do. Together, we'd be an unstoppable team.
    just curious: do you know your enneagram?

  4. #34
    Member Turtle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lulabelle View Post
    just curious: do you know your enneagram?
    No idea. Between 6, 4, and 9.

  5. #35
    Senior Member oneandonly's Avatar
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    Maybe in a relationship, having a personal feeling or value about everything doesn't necessarily work to your advantage.. you become more judgemental and unbending.. even though you appear to be so easy going. Recently an INFP broke my heart.. and I'm saying these would be the reasons.. I start out the day fresh.. he let things build up.. he was looking so hard for anything to be wrong.. to prove I was a flawed individual.. and at the moment I was having a hard time.. but his personal feeling about that was that I should never be upset, even about complicated matters where someone else tried to exercise control over me. To him, it was never okay to show anger or frustration.

    I'm not a person who hides my feelings... He was.. When you hide your feelings... and they are your top priority it is unfair to those who you are in relationships with.

  6. #36
    Senior Member capslock's Avatar
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    For me, the answer is yes. The few times in my life when I have actually been deeply infatuated/in love, I ruin it, mostly by getting completely paralyzed and unable to progress in the right way, leaving me devastated, disillusioned and crushed. I'm in a situation like this at the moment, haven't felt this way in a long time, if ever, but just can't do anything about it and it's just soul crushing. It's so much easier when there is just an attraction going on/slight infatuation.

  7. #37
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    Yeah, we always hide our infatuations and wait for the right one. We want true love in only one committed relationship.
    I am extremely quiet, an outcast, and conflict-avoidant. But I also have strengths too, that I can forgive you all because you are unique and special. I kill with kindness, hating violence and social conflicts. People always bully me into actually talking, but I can't. Just be your true self and know your strengths and weaknesses. Some weaknesses we cannot change, but work on your strengths, forgive, and accept that.

  8. #38
    eye of the storm magpie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INFPtheQuietOne View Post
    Yeah, we always hide our infatuations and wait for the right one. We want true love in only one committed relationship.
    Are you going to bump every old INFP thread with generic and cliche "we" statements?
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  9. #39
    Member pluviophile's Avatar
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    I don't think so. I think more like this:

    https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com...51b0ead53a.jpg

  10. #40
    Member pluviophile's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INFPtheQuietOne View Post
    Yeah, we always hide our infatuations and wait for the right one. We want true love in only one committed relationship.
    I see stuff like this about INFPs a lot. I mean, I'm pretty sure I'm an INFP, considering that I've tested as an INFP throughout the span of several years, even with the "real" tests that I had to take in college. Also, it fits. But, this whole idea of hiding infatuations doesn't really pertain to me. I did that when I was in jr. high school, and I'll do it still if it's just a slight infatuation. However, if I REALLY like someone, I can't stand waiting. I HAVE to know if they feel the same. It makes me really anxious, but I've been the one to initiate the majority of my relationships. I also don't feel like there is just one "right one." Beyond that, I've had many periods in my life when I felt like I didn't want to be in a committed relationship, but I always want love.

    I know some people don't agree with this, but I lean more toward this idea:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IeZMIgheZro

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