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  1. #11
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lulabelle View Post
    i meant to title my post 'hopeless AT love'
    and re:longterm love. not sweet infatuation.
    Those who fall hopelessly in love are not hopeless at love; quite the opposite, for there is a tide in the affairs of lovers, which, taken at the flood, leads on to love; Omitted, all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and in miseries.

  2. #12
    an abyss of Nothingness Arctic Hysteria's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mole View Post
    Those who fall hopelessly in love are not hopeless at love; quite the opposite, [...]
    Agreed.
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    | | | If it is god who makes man, this is the devil finishing touches | | |
    .

  3. #13
    Senior Member lulabelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mole View Post
    Those who fall hopelessly in love are not hopeless at love; quite the opposite, for there is a tide in the affairs of lovers, which, taken at the flood, leads on to love; Omitted, all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and in miseries.

  4. #14
    A Gentle Whisper ~MS*ANGEL~'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arctic Hysteria View Post
    Yes. INFP e4, especially.
    Partly because we fall in love too deeply. Partly because we're too idealistic and we search for that something special that is almost non-existent.
    Interesting point made thanks for sharing!
    Only she who attempts the absurd can achieve the impossible... and then some.

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  5. #15
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    If I recall correctly (and my memory for facts is faulty, if these can be called facts to begin with), then the info out there on type relationships and satisfaction show the following:

    - INFPs are rated highly by their partners in terms of satisfaction. So other people seem to like INFPs for romantic partners if they manage to get into a relationship with one of us.
    - INFPs rate their own satisfaction with their partners much lower, perhaps meaning we are hard to please idealists (but we knew that). However, since we easily please despite not being pleased, this must means we end up with emotionally oblivious partners...
    - INFP females seem to pair off with STJ males more frequently than odds should suggest (see above about "emotionally oblivious" partners)
    - INFPs, along with INTPs, are the type least likely to marry, or perhaps more likely to marry later in life (?). This ties in with being hard to please idealists. Perhaps it's not that we are not picked by others, but that we ourselves are picky and discount those who would pick us.

    I'm going to take a stab here & guess that the INFPs & INTPs who fall into the above category are likely 4s & 5s too.... The combo of begin an IxxP AND at the "bottom" of the enneagram means you're very much an "outsider" in life.

    Lastly, INFPs are defined as rather "opposite" of ESTJs & generally "resisting" the ExxJ manner which is seen as ideal in many societies. This tends to mean we get crap projected onto us that is not true or fair. People assume if you are not possessing X good quality, then you are its opposite. But just because we may not have the associated strengths of the ExxJ types doesn't mean we are simply their a "void" of those strengths. The stereotypes & perceptions of INFPs seem to promote we are the void, or the lack of admirable human qualities aside from some cutesy, fluffy sh*t people pat us on the head over. We end up being painted as the "dumbest" & least useful of the INxx types too.

    This means that people will not envision an INFP as their ideal partner, because they fail to correctly envision an INFP. It may also mean that they cannot envision a good relationship outside of the cultural concepts handed to them, which an INFP may not fit, but that doesn't mean the INFP is incapable of creating a good relationship or being a good partner (especially if you consider the cultural concepts can be very flawed & narrow). Here, the limited conception of what an INFP is and how we may function in a relationship is the issue, not the reality of INFPs.

    The good news is, we do not walk around with MBTI labels stuck on our foreheads nor slapped onto our backs, and so IRL, where these stereotypes are not attached to us automatically, we are dealt with as individuals. I don't find the majority of perceptions about INFPs around here to apply to me; most seem to just regurgitate poorly written profiles without having even properly digested them to begin with (ie. how they imagine the profile plays out vs what it's really referring to). This is evident in the mass of contradictions out there regarding INFPs (although certainly real individuals are full of contradictions too).

    The anecdotes of INFPs that people give also do not align with the feedback I am given from those who know me in person. I'm pretty sure they don't even align with my image here either, and they certainly don't resonate with my sense of self. In person, I am not seen as cutesy or fluffy or someone to condescend to, but am generally taken seriously and seen as insightful, intelligent and analytical as the reputations the other INxx types are automatically granted.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  6. #16
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    This means that people will not envision an INFP as their ideal partner, because they fail to correctly envision an INFP.
    So friggin true.

    Although it's not nearly as bad here as some other forums out there.

    The good news is, we do not walk around with MBTI labels stuck on our foreheads nor slapped onto our backs, and so IRL, where these stereotypes are not attached to us automatically, we are dealt with as individuals. I don't find the majority of perceptions about INFPs around here to apply to me; most seem to just regurgitate poorly written profiles without having even properly digested them to begin with (ie. how they imagine the profile plays out vs what it's really referring to). This is evident in the mass of contradictions out there regarding INFPs (although certainly real individuals are full of contradictions too).

    The anecdotes of INFPs that people give also do not align with the feedback I am given from those who know me in person. I'm pretty sure they don't even align with my image here either, and they certainly don't resonate with my sense of self. In person, I am not seen as cutesy or fluffy or someone to condescend to, but am generally taken seriously and seen as insightful, intelligent and analytical as the reputations the other INxx types are automatically granted.
    Preach it sister!
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  7. #17

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mole View Post
    ... for there is a tide in the affairs of lovers, which, taken at the flood, leads on to love; Omitted, all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and in miseries.
    quite lovely Mole! you are so so the bard!

  8. #18
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    My INFP friend who is the same age as me is very successful when it comes to romance, I however, am not. I'd call myself a hopeless romantic, someone who gets infatuated very easily without even talking to the person. I know an INTJ who is like this too. Now that I think about it I have another INFP friend who is just like me, and an ISFJ. Don't think this is necessarily bound to type. Maybe it has to do with Enneagram, those I mentioned who are like me are actually sx-lasts.

  9. #19
    an abyss of Nothingness Arctic Hysteria's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    If I recall correctly (and my memory for facts is faulty, if these can be called facts to begin with), then the info out there on type relationships and satisfaction show the following:

    - INFPs are rated highly by their partners in terms of satisfaction. So other people seem to like INFPs for romantic partners if they manage to get into a relationship with one of us.
    - INFPs rate their own satisfaction with their partners much lower, perhaps meaning we are hard to please idealists (but we knew that). However, since we easily please despite not being pleased, this must means we end up with emotionally oblivious partners...
    - INFP females seem to pair off with STJ males more frequently than odds should suggest (see above about "emotionally oblivious" partners)
    - INFPs, along with INTPs, are the type least likely to marry, or perhaps more likely to marry later in life (?). This ties in with being hard to please idealists. Perhaps it's not that we are not picked by others, but that we ourselves are picky and discount those who would pick us.

    I'm going to take a stab here & guess that the INFPs & INTPs who fall into the above category are likely 4s & 5s too.... The combo of begin an IxxP AND at the "bottom" of the enneagram means you're very much an "outsider" in life.

    Lastly, INFPs are defined as rather "opposite" of ESTJs & generally "resisting" the ExxJ manner which is seen as ideal in many societies. This tends to mean we get crap projected onto us that is not true or fair. People assume if you are not possessing X good quality, then you are its opposite. But just because we may not have the associated strengths of the ExxJ types doesn't mean we are simply their a "void" of those strengths. The stereotypes & perceptions of INFPs seem to promote we are the void, or the lack of admirable human qualities aside from some cutesy, fluffy sh*t people pat us on the head over. We end up being painted as the "dumbest" & least useful of the INxx types too.

    This means that people will not envision an INFP as their ideal partner, because they fail to correctly envision an INFP. It may also mean that they cannot envision a good relationship outside of the cultural concepts handed to them, which an INFP may not fit, but that doesn't mean the INFP is incapable of creating a good relationship or being a good partner (especially if you consider the cultural concepts can be very flawed & narrow). Here, the limited conception of what an INFP is and how we may function in a relationship is the issue, not the reality of INFPs.

    [...]
    Amen
    .
    | | | If it is god who makes man, this is the devil finishing touches | | |
    .

  10. #20
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Dom Fi + Ne/Si certainly has its weaknesses, but like OA said, I think that Fi is a fairly misunderstood function in the sense of how it works as a Judging - analytical and weighing - process. It gets a reputation for being fluffy or oversensitive, as what people do not tend to see is the intricacy of thought and strength of value going into our judgments. They can't get inside our heads, after all, unfortunately for them.

    And, while Fi might be a unique challenge to deal with in a partner (as if some others aren't... Fe? Ti?!? ), I think it also has a particular strength in a relationship when it comes to gauging the holistic wellbeing of the pairing as well as the individual wellbeing of each participant. We have an especially good "radar" for how each person is doing and for what can be done to make them feel more fulfilled and whole.

    I also do think what others have pointed out about NFP idealism is true as well... We are hard to please, plus Ne makes us exploratory. That can yield an internal challenge to be happy with reality and without seeking something better. (I do think probably some of the inadequacy feelings are a 4 or 4w5 thing more than an MBTI thing. I have a bit of a different set of concerns as a 6.) At the same time, speaking of Fi strengths - I think we are less likely to misread the quality of someone's character. We probably tend to avoid some of the pitfalls other types can more easily get caught in, like staying with someone who is unsure they want a relationship. One of the qualities of Fi is to be more unyielding, and less likely to allow violation of our wellbeing. I say this because I have a few friends who are feeling the impact of giving a bit too much leeway in their relationships right now... And I think those situations are something IxFPs are far less likely to find themselves in.

    As for reddit... I think take any compilation of opinion on the internet with a grain of salt. When I was exploring careers, I developed a (bad, in retrospect) habit for a while of researching people's career experiences online. They seemed to always be overwhelmingly negative. After becoming increasingly terrified of everything I was researching, I realized that this probably has more to do with the internet than reality. It's a place where you can freely dump venting with no consequence. And the people who are happy - with their careers, with their relationships - are less likely to be venting online and more likely to just be living and enjoying their lives. Internet opinion tends to be skewed negative.

    My final thought is, at least for myself, I have discovered that it is my pattern in life to tend to take longer than average to get around to things. Reading... Writing... Peer socialization... Choosing a major... I tend to hold back and observe for a long time. But then, when I do enter the fray, I tend to do well. Relationships have been no different for me. I didn't enter a serious relationship until my early twenties. Now I am a little more than three years into it and still very happy. So no, I do not think it is impossible for us to find fulfilling romantic love.

    I do agree, however, to being hopeless at double posting.

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