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  1. #21
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Qwan View Post
    I saw myself asking my children questions, resisting the urge to blurt out an answer, letting them experiment for themselves. I could imagine taking them far away from any lights and stargazing with them, listening to what they think and feel when they see the cosmos. Are there people up there? I even thought about all the special traditions I could invent and stay true to every year. I remember my mother lighting candles around us and laying a quilt beneath us as she taught me conversion techniques and read watchtowers. I disapprove of the material now, but it was a pleasant memory. She stopped that after a while. I could take the candles and quilt and turn it into philosophy time. I could give them a well-rounded science and religious education to simultaneously teach them about the world religions ( merits and drawbacks ) and give them tools to individually seek what is true. It will be fun hinting at holes in the Bible and Quran myths, and vital to keep them from being manipulated by fundamentalists, literalists, and extremists of the world religions. I could foster a healthy view of celebration, and train them to always question and push boundaries. I could instill the importance of sustained effort. Grand ideas, but I question if I could do it in practice.
    Someone who would do all this is exactly the sort of person who should have children. Children thrive in such an environment, and turn into creative, grounded, and caring adults.

    Don't worry about all that now, though. There's plenty of time for it later. Focus on your job and shorter term goals. And good luck!
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  2. #22
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    @Magic Qwan

    So essentially...

    You have some happy memories you'd like to recreate... Some critical thinking you'd like to foster... Some education you'd like to provide... And the ideal of becoming a parent...

    You have broken free from a forced ideology despite your family remaining loyal to it, and even so you have managed to retain your mother's loyalty to you and perhaps even have encouraged her to be positively supportive of you...

    You have learned a good bit about personality psychology even if you don't continue to engage in it, and you have it as a tool should a situation ever arise in which it may prove useful to you...

    Like most young creatives, you have yet to break through as a professional but are continuing to practice and refine your craft and are developing a portfolio... You have the wisdom to see that artistic inspiration is flighty, as is the market...

    You have the medicine as a tool to use to help you when and where you need it, with an understanding of its positives and drawbacks...

    You have a job which is sufficient for the moment but may not speak to your natural talents... It is challenging and pushing your limits... Forcing you to become more skilled than you ever have been...

    You have options for you future career path, so you can choose how you can best contribute to the world...

    Don't give up the possibility of a beautiful future made of all the things you want just because real life contains a snag or two. None of us are made for this world. Even the STJs who seem to have the best shot find it too illogical and chaotic for their preferences. You have knowledge, and strength, and love at your fingertips. You have a beautiful personality and it would be the world's loss for you not to seek fulfillment of your best self and your most wonderful dreams. Maybe it won't go as planned, but maybe it can't go as planned. Maybe when we start dreaming we don't have enough wisdom to understand what would be best for us. And maybe we don't yet see that sometimes we have to let go of a little of our idealism to achieve real happiness, that we have to learn to bend and flex a little to meet the world where it is at. Maybe the secret is that the answers are hidden along the way. Keep your head up. All that beauty isn't worth anything if it just falls into your lap. There has to be a struggle if you want it to be a story worth hearing.

  3. #23
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    @Magic Qwan

    So essentially...

    You have some happy memories you'd like to recreate... Some critical thinking you'd like to foster... Some education you'd like to provide... And the ideal of becoming a parent...

    You have broken free from a forced ideology despite your family remaining loyal to it, and even so you have managed to retain your mother's loyalty to you and perhaps even have encouraged her to be positively supportive of you...

    You have learned a good bit about personality psychology even if you don't continue to engage in it, and you have it as a tool should a situation ever arise in which it may prove useful to you...

    Like most young creatives, you have yet to break through as a professional but are continuing to practice and refine your craft and are developing a portfolio... You have the wisdom to see that artistic inspiration is flighty, as is the market...

    You have the medicine as a tool to use to help you when and where you need it, with an understanding of its positives and drawbacks...

    You have a job which is sufficient for the moment but may not speak to your natural talents... It is challenging and pushing your limits... Forcing you to become more skilled than you ever have been...

    You have options for you future career path, so you can choose how you can best contribute to the world...

    Don't give up the possibility of a beautiful future made of all the things you want just because real life contains a snag or two. None of us are made for this world. Even the STJs who seem to have the best shot find it too illogical and chaotic for their preferences. You have knowledge, and strength, and love at your fingertips. You have a beautiful personality and it would be the world's loss for you not to seek fulfillment of your best self and your most wonderful dreams. Maybe it won't go as planned, but maybe it can't go as planned. Maybe when we start dreaming we don't have enough wisdom to understand what would be best for us. And maybe we don't yet see that sometimes we have to let go of a little of our idealism to achieve real happiness, that we have to learn to bend and flex a little to meet the world where it is at. Maybe the secret is that the answers are hidden along the way. Keep your head up. All that beauty isn't worth anything if it just falls into your lap. There has to be a struggle if you want it to be a story worth hearing.
    Thank you, skylights. Cosmology and science communications sounds fun atm. May be moving, soon. Yes, parenthood is my highest ideal. I am afraid of doing something stupid like leaveing the baby in the car when I run an errand or missing some small, important detail that destroys everything.
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Holland Code: AIS
    Date of Birth: March 15, 1996
    Gender: Male
    Political Stance: Libertarian Liberal (Arizona School/Strong BHL)
    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
    and
    SCIENCE ENTHUSIAST


    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

    -Magic Qwan

  4. #24
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Qwan View Post
    Thank you, skylights. Cosmology and science communications sounds fun atm. May be moving, soon. Yes, parenthood is my highest ideal. I am afraid of doing something stupid like leaveing the baby in the car when I run an errand or missing some small, important detail that destroys everything.
    All parents worry about that sort of thing. At my work, I am responsible for someone's child, and you would laugh to watch me triple-check the bags for all his medical supplies before we go out. Lists help, and phone reminders. Your child will not be a detail to you and you won't leave your child in the car - trust me, you just won't. Though you might forget to pick them up from daycare or school one day, which is kind of funny. My mom's a strong J and she even did it once or twice. And I think I ended up okay And you have a leg up being aware of that worry beforehand!

    Science communications sounds fun, and right up your alley.

  5. #25
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Well, I just lost the damn job. I failed my family, my boss, my community, and myself.
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Holland Code: AIS
    Date of Birth: March 15, 1996
    Gender: Male
    Political Stance: Libertarian Liberal (Arizona School/Strong BHL)
    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
    and
    SCIENCE ENTHUSIAST


    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

    -Magic Qwan

  6. #26
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Qwan View Post
    Well, I just lost the damn job. I failed my family, my boss, my community, and myself.

    What if...instead of failing 10,000+ people...what you really did was learn pill-pushing wasn't for you? What if that's what you really did instead?

  7. #27
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Qwan View Post
    Well, I just lost the damn job. I failed my family, my boss, my community, and myself.


    I know you must feel terrible right now, but you did not fail your family or your boss or your community or the deep self that lives inside of you that is more than your current perspective. Maybe in the short-term you have an outcome which is temporarily displeasing to some people, including yourself. However, consider a wider perspective...

    Consider... To be a successful family member, you simply need to be a loving and supportive present entity in communication with your family members. That is not at all dependent on what job you have, or even if you have a job. It simply depends on your presence and your willingness. Perhaps you have frustrated your boss in the short-term, but in the long term your boss' happiness and success has little to do with you as an individual. It is my experience with former employers that they are generally happy to see you happy, and they are generally sympathetic if they see you unhappy. We had a saying at my old job, that the workplace will continue to turn with or without us. Others' lives go on regardless of what we do or do not do. It is just a role you filled. And to be valuable in your community, again, it is simply that you need to be present and to contribute. Certainly one way you can contribute is financially and at your job, but there are many other ways to contribute. Simply staying aware of issues in your community, and being supportive of the other community members is plenty. Many people who have jobs are not particularly valuable to their communities because they do not care about contribution. You are not without value in any of those contexts.

    As for your self... You are very focused on feeling like a failure. I think that you have done wonderfully to escape the philosophy of the religion that you were raised in, but I think that you are also harboring much of the heavy superego that is a facet of that mindset. Losing a job is not tantamount to being a failure. It simply means that you were not a good fit in that position - and sometimes it doesn't even mean that. Sometimes it is the combination of a number of factors that have little to do with you personally. Regardless, even if it was about you personally, it still does not have anything to do with your worth. Your greatest gift in life, and your meaning to the world, is not manifested in how well you fit to a single company's expectations for a certain position, no matter how much your superego promoted the idea that you needed to succeed at that job. It is an illusion. You are alive, you are whole, you are still as worthwhile as you were yesterday.

    I hope I'm not sounding like I'm lecturing you, because I actually was fired from a job myself less then a month ago, and I know how crushing it feels. But I think that for me having been fired from that job, while certainly a blow to my sense of pride, became a long-term gain. It let me see some misunderstandings I had about that field, and it made me realize how ill-suited I was to working in that certain position. It did not lend itself to my strengths. We all deserve a job where our natural strengths can shine through and where we feel that we are being useful. There are millions of positions in this world, so varied and so unique, that there is a niche for you. And there is opportunity to create a niche for yourself even if it doesn't already perfectly exist.

    Please, please, please, do not let this temporary event destroy the nascent feelings of self-worth you were beginning to embrace. You, like all of us, are just a growing being grappling with the realities of a world that is not tailored to make things easy for us. This is not a complete loss in your life. You gained a lot of knowledge at this job. You learned about the tools that you worked with, the nature of the service that you were providing, the kind of coworkers you are likely to have, the information that you had to communicate, and the day-to-day successes and frustrations of the job. You now know how well you can adapt to and whether you enjoy these parameters or not, and which ones you appreciated and would like to have again, and which ones you would prefer to boot out of your life forever. The way you feel about it can illuminate your future path. This is a temporary loss, but also it has just freed up an incredible amount of time and energy in your life while simultaneously allowing you to keep the new knowledge that can light your way. You are no longer bound by the responsibilities of this job. What can make you more happy instead? What opportunities can you see now, armed with your new understanding, that you wouldn't even be looking for if you were still pushing yourself to conform to that ill-fitting job?

    You already are and always will be valuable to the world precisely because you care about being valuable to the world. That is not even something you have to work on, MQ. You're there. All you have to do now is to realize that you are worth being valuable to yourself.

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    What if...instead of failing 10,000+ people...what you really did was learn pill-pushing wasn't for you? What if that's what you really did instead?
    Positive spin!

  9. #29
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post


    I know you must feel terrible right now, but you did not fail your family or your boss or your community or the deep self that lives inside of you that is more than your current perspective. Maybe in the short-term you have an outcome which is temporarily displeasing to some people, including yourself. However, consider a wider perspective...

    Consider... To be a successful family member, you simply need to be a loving and supportive present entity in communication with your family members. That is not at all dependent on what job you have, or even if you have a job. It simply depends on your presence and your willingness. Perhaps you have frustrated your boss in the short-term, but in the long term your boss' happiness and success has little to do with you as an individual. It is my experience with former employers that they are generally happy to see you happy, and they are generally sympathetic if they see you unhappy. We had a saying at my old job, that the workplace will continue to turn with or without us. Others' lives go on regardless of what we do or do not do. It is just a role you filled. And to be valuable in your community, again, it is simply that you need to be present and to contribute. Certainly one way you can contribute is financially and at your job, but there are many other ways to contribute. Simply staying aware of issues in your community, and being supportive of the other community members is plenty. Many people who have jobs are not particularly valuable to their communities because they do not care about contribution. You are not without value in any of those contexts.

    As for your self... You are very focused on feeling like a failure. I think that you have done wonderfully to escape the philosophy of the religion that you were raised in, but I think that you are also harboring much of the heavy superego that is a facet of that mindset. Losing a job is not tantamount to being a failure. It simply means that you were not a good fit in that position - and sometimes it doesn't even mean that. Sometimes it is the combination of a number of factors that have little to do with you personally. Regardless, even if it was about you personally, it still does not have anything to do with your worth. Your greatest gift in life, and your meaning to the world, is not manifested in how well you fit to a single company's expectations for a certain position, no matter how much your superego promoted the idea that you needed to succeed at that job. It is an illusion. You are alive, you are whole, you are still as worthwhile as you were yesterday.

    I hope I'm not sounding like I'm lecturing you, because I actually was fired from a job myself less then a month ago, and I know how crushing it feels. But I think that for me having been fired from that job, while certainly a blow to my sense of pride, became a long-term gain. It let me see some misunderstandings I had about that field, and it made me realize how ill-suited I was to working in that certain position. It did not lend itself to my strengths. We all deserve a job where our natural strengths can shine through and where we feel that we are being useful. There are millions of positions in this world, so varied and so unique, that there is a niche for you. And there is opportunity to create a niche for yourself even if it doesn't already perfectly exist.

    Please, please, please, do not let this temporary event destroy the nascent feelings of self-worth you were beginning to embrace. You, like all of us, are just a growing being grappling with the realities of a world that is not tailored to make things easy for us. This is not a complete loss in your life. You gained a lot of knowledge at this job. You learned about the tools that you worked with, the nature of the service that you were providing, the kind of coworkers you are likely to have, the information that you had to communicate, and the day-to-day successes and frustrations of the job. You now know how well you can adapt to and whether you enjoy these parameters or not, and which ones you appreciated and would like to have again, and which ones you would prefer to boot out of your life forever. The way you feel about it can illuminate your future path. This is a temporary loss, but also it has just freed up an incredible amount of time and energy in your life while simultaneously allowing you to keep the new knowledge that can light your way. You are no longer bound by the responsibilities of this job. What can make you more happy instead? What opportunities can you see now, armed with your new understanding, that you wouldn't even be looking for if you were still pushing yourself to conform to that ill-fitting job?

    You already are and always will be valuable to the world precisely because you care about being valuable to the world. That is not even something you have to work on, MQ. You're there. All you have to do now is to realize that you are worth being valuable to yourself.
    I could continue trying to get my books and stories published. I have been going through a creative dry spell since my last book and I have only gotten rejection letters. I could go sit in a cafe or something and get a new one running, possibly. Then again, my stories turn out lackluster if I have a specific goal in mind, have a deadline, try to force them, or am doing them for somebody else. I liked my animation class before my mother pulled me. I was a natural at it, but my mother wanted me to do something more realistic. I suck at 'realistic' jobs, though. I'm slow, forgetful and lacking common sense. There is nothing I can think of that I remote enjoy and can do well that is 'realistic' or steady paying, for that matter. I've contemplated suicide, but I can never bring myself to do it. Weak, I know. Things won't ever get better. I am majoring sociology, how long till I fail at that?
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Holland Code: AIS
    Date of Birth: March 15, 1996
    Gender: Male
    Political Stance: Libertarian Liberal (Arizona School/Strong BHL)
    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
    and
    SCIENCE ENTHUSIAST


    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

    -Magic Qwan

  10. #30
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    What if...instead of failing 10,000+ people...what you really did was learn pill-pushing wasn't for you? What if that's what you really did instead?
    Everything requires paying attention to detail. I can't do detail to save my life! You obviously don't know me well enough to know just how bad I am at remembering details, following through on tasks, and noticing my environment I am! Don't know why I came back…nobody can help me…
    Last edited by Bellflower; 09-04-2014 at 02:24 PM. Reason: edited as per faq
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Holland Code: AIS
    Date of Birth: March 15, 1996
    Gender: Male
    Political Stance: Libertarian Liberal (Arizona School/Strong BHL)
    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
    and
    SCIENCE ENTHUSIAST


    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

    -Magic Qwan

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