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  1. #1
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Default What do INFPs think of INTJs?

    One of my closest (male) friends and my little bro are both INFP.


    I sometimes wonder what they think of me; I love them both to death and we have the most intriguing and deep conversations.

    But sometimes, do I come across as a cold-hearted bitch to them? I think they both know that I have the best of intentions all the time... but I just don't approach life from the same vantage.

    Do I hurt them with (unintentional) careless words sometimes? I verbally express to both of them how much I care for them and how unique and special etc. they are, but do I hurt them sometimes when I make lack-of-feeling judgments/statements/observations etc?

    I've been wondering that for a while.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  2. #2
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    I think it's wonderful that you're considering the impact of your words on them, that shows some real sensitivity and real concern over those relationships.

    Is it possible for you to ask them? We would have no idea what these two INFPs were feeling, honestly. If I had to guess, based on type dynamics, yes, I'm sure that sometimes your approach DOES hurt them with careless words and all of those things.

    Seriously, all of us hurt each other -- regardless of type -- with careless words and misunderstanding. All relationships include moments of friction (some longer than others). The key to whether the relationship is good is how the friction is resolved, whether people are concerned, whether they reaffirm their commitment in the face of potential friction, and all of that -- in other words, it is not about how perfect you can be or how you can avoid hurting them, but that they believe your intentions are good even when you do hurt them and that you try hard to connect with them and make amends as necessary to keep communication and commitment strong.

    I would actually ask them, in as gentle a way as possible, and tell them sometimes you are concerned that you inadvertently hurt them just because of who you are and your natural approach, and that it's not your intention, and you don't want anything to come between you, etc... If they are INFP, no doubt if you give them a gentle opening, they will take advantage of it to reaffirm the relationship and patch things up. You will probably have to "read between the lines" a little because INFPs usually refrain from outright/direct challenges unless stirred up, and they will be picking their words very carefully.

    But to me, this seems more like something you can actively resolve by interacting with them, rather than resolving it intellectually by yourself.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  3. #3
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    My daughters are INTJ and INFP. They get along pretty well. The INFP accepts the INTJ as she is and admires her. The INTJ is a bit cold, but in a way the INFP can admire. The INTJ thinks that her sister is not an idiot and admires how well she draws. They're into the same kinds of fanfic.

    In the case of my INFP daughter, if somebody close, including her sister, hurts her, they won't have to wonder about it for long because she will react emotionally pretty quickly. She may hide her feelings from the general public, but she does not hide them from people in her inner circle.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  4. #4
    Senior Member nottaprettygal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    Do I hurt them with (unintentional) careless words sometimes? I verbally express to both of them how much I care for them and how unique and special etc. they are, but do I hurt them sometimes when I make lack-of-feeling judgments/statements/observations etc?
    Yes, you do. Because no matter how much you tell them that you care about them, they still want more. And when you're acting in a normal non-expressive manner, they'll ask, "Are you mad at me?" Then suddenly they'll retreat for no apparent reason and start brooding in a corner. They'll deny that it has anything to do with you, but don't worry, it does.

    They can be some of the most needy and insecure creatures that one will ever meet.

    /rant

  5. #5
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nottaprettygal View Post
    Yes, you do. Because no matter how much you tell them that you care about them, they still want more. And when you're acting in a normal non-expressive manner, they'll ask, "Are you mad at me?" Then suddenly they'll retreat for no apparent reason and start brooding in a corner. They'll deny that it has anything to do with you, but don't worry, it does.

    They can be some of the most needy and insecure creatures that one will ever meet.

    /rant
    At least now we know what INTJ's think of INFPs. :eek:

    Based on that, whatever the reverse feeling is... it can't be good.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

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    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    At least now we know what INTJ's think of INFPs. Based on that, whatever the reverse feeling is... it can't be good.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  7. #7
    Senior Member htb's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    At least now we know what INTJ's think of INFPs.
    I call converse accident.

    My IxFP friend is married to a remarkably composed fellow who tested as INTJ. Though she finds him too cut-and-dried at times, she admires his professional and personal confidence -- which was thrust into sharp relief during a time when the two of them worked for the same company.

    She once called me a "pompous git," upon which I look back and smile.

  8. #8
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post


    classic!
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  9. #9
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    INFPs tend to react very badly to criticism. Very badly. Possibly (going out on a limb here) worse than any other type. Other than that flaw I think you should be fine. Admittedly it is a pretty bloody big flaw.

  10. #10
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    INFPs tend to react very badly to criticism. Very badly. Possibly (going out on a limb here) worse than any other type. Other than that flaw I think you should be fine. Admittedly it is a pretty bloody big flaw.
    Why is that? Does it have to do with personalizing the criticism? Some criticism is a show of great respect and affection.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

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