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  1. #51
    Per Ardua Metamorphosis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Oh. Sorry. If it helps, I wasn't actually thinking of any connection of the sort... regardless of how much the average INTJ might drink on daily basis.
    Damn you physical pleasures!

    I'm a big energy drink...drinker... myself though...




    Could someone clarify this, "writing people off" idea though? I think I know what you are talking about, but a good example would help a lot.
    "You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit."

    Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office
    than to serve and obey them. - David Hume

  2. #52
    Doesn't Read Your Posts Haight's Avatar
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    They think they're cuddly.
    "The only time I'm wrong is when I'm questioning myself."
    Haight

  3. #53
    Senior Member raincrow007's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haight View Post
    They think they're cuddly.
    Eat more tuna fish.

  4. #54
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metamorphosis View Post
    Could someone clarify this, "writing people off" idea though? I think I know what you are talking about, but a good example would help a lot.
    "Writing off" in the insurance sense of the term. When a car is written off it's judged that the cost of repairing it would be greater than the cost of replacing it. Thus writing off a person/relationship means deciding that they/it are not worth the effort and abandoning them/it.

    In further reply to the OP, I wouldn't worry about it too much. INFP's as a type are ridiculously forgiving and loyal, unless these qualities are continuously and unrepentently abused, or unless they're bitter INFP's. With bitter INFP's all bets are really off. But it takes a fair bit to make an INFP bitter, and they're not hard to spot.

  5. #55
    Senior Member ptgatsby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metamorphosis View Post
    Could someone clarify this, "writing people off" idea though? I think I know what you are talking about, but a good example would help a lot.
    Hrmm... Along the lines of being friends for a half decade, connecting over various topics (in my case, finance)... then starting a company and having it fail (in no small part due to my P and time issues!). The INTJ reaction isn't to revert back to the friendship, despite it being resolved on good terms - I was just at his wedding, and was even asked to help out... Another INTJ thing; to use whatever people resources are needed! The tendency is to 'write' off people far more than their failure implied. For example, I have an extremely high accuracy when predicting future events... but the interest in those kinds of discussions is gone now.

    I don't know if that makes sense... I'm included, but I'm not included. Friends but... not exactly.

    A stronger (and less healthy!) INTJ manipulation would include stuff like my GF flirting and being all sweety nice to someone who could help install stuff in our new apartment - but as soon as that guy left the job, she simply forgot his name (literal) and moved on to the next one.

    Or an example of the more neurotic INTJ - working with someone who is disagreeable for a year plus without any real personal issues... but one issue crops up and it's all out war.

    "Writing off" is more about the tendency to just change the relationship abruptly - up to and beyond the willingness for INTJs to cut others out of their lives (but very passive-aggressively, unless you ask them about it).

  6. #56

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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    My daughters are INTJ and INFP. They get along pretty well. The INFP accepts the INTJ as she is and admires her. The INTJ is a bit cold, but in a way the INFP can admire. The INTJ thinks that her sister is not an idiot and admires how well she draws. They're into the same kinds of fanfic.

    In the case of my INFP daughter, if somebody close, including her sister, hurts her, they won't have to wonder about it for long because she will react emotionally pretty quickly. She may hide her feelings from the general public, but she does not hide them from people in her inner circle.
    well, as an infp (until proved otherwise ) i would say that you have to be careful with translating how infps are around our families with how we are around anyone else in the whole wide world.

    the person my family saw is not at all the person anyone else has ever seen (or will see); nor have i ever even felt like behaving that way around anyone else. they are the only people who ever saw my raw emotions, the only ones who ever saw me angry, and the only ones i have ever had screaming/ horrible/emotional fights with--i am not sure why that is, but that's how it is.

    to ushername--if it was me, and as long as you weren't being bossy or intending to insult or belittle me, i would have no trouble with your being honest, forthright, strongly opinionated, or curt--so hopefully, your infp friend is probably ok with you

    CAVEAT: my least favorite subject is myself, so if you are being those things about ME as the subject, then i might not be ok with it (but it depends, i actually can take criticism pretty well, so long as it is (1) deserved, (2) not mean-spirited, and (3) voiced by someone who has earned the right to criticize me).

    i do disagree with cafe though that your infp would let you know by getting all emo about it. there was a thread about this on infpgc once--people seem to interpret infp troubles online as being how we are in real life (sort of like assuming because an introvert posts a lot, she is a chatterbox in real life).

    online i can have terrible trouble picking up subtext, which makes me sometimes behave nervously and uncomfortably, so that i over react; but in real life i navigate interpersonal relations very smoothly. i never have trouble in real life picking up the subtext correctly--online it is like someone cut out my eyes and poured lead in my ears. i really feel very disabled in this medium. i can see why people might think i am always like i am online, but it is not so.

    i doubt your infp just would tell you either, even if you asked-- at least not verbally--watch her nonverbal reactions, those will tell you best, if anything will, i think.

    PS: i have read the whole thread now and lots of intj's and i am sure i am NOT an intj. the person who sounded the most like me was jivingjeffjones (go figure, heh).

    PPS: toonia is impressive. i can see why substance prefers talking to her :-)
    Last edited by Meursault; 06-07-2007 at 12:25 AM. Reason: added pses

  7. #57
    Per Ardua Metamorphosis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ptgatsby View Post
    Hrmm... Along the lines of being friends for a half decade, connecting over various topics (in my case, finance)... then starting a company and having it fail (in no small part due to my P and time issues!). The INTJ reaction isn't to revert back to the friendship, despite it being resolved on good terms - I was just at his wedding, and was even asked to help out... Another INTJ thing; to use whatever people resources are needed! The tendency is to 'write' off people far more than their failure implied. For example, I have an extremely high accuracy when predicting future events... but the interest in those kinds of discussions is gone now.

    I don't know if that makes sense... I'm included, but I'm not included. Friends but... not exactly.

    A stronger (and less healthy!) INTJ manipulation would include stuff like my GF flirting and being all sweety nice to someone who could help install stuff in our new apartment - but as soon as that guy left the job, she simply forgot his name (literal) and moved on to the next one.

    Or an example of the more neurotic INTJ - working with someone who is disagreeable for a year plus without any real personal issues... but one issue crops up and it's all out war.

    "Writing off" is more about the tendency to just change the relationship abruptly - up to and beyond the willingness for INTJs to cut others out of their lives (but very passive-aggressively, unless you ask them about it).
    Ah, that sounds pretty accurate then. Although, for me, it rarely happens (to someone I know). The problem is that many people thinkt hey are friends with INTJs just because they hang out with them. So, it could be that they aren't getting written off, they were just never written on. I have written off people in the past though...

    Moral of the story: Don't fuck up your relationships with us.
    "You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit."

    Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office
    than to serve and obey them. - David Hume

  8. #58
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Meursault View Post
    well, as an infp (until proved otherwise ) i would say that you have to be careful with translating how infps are around our families with how we are around anyone else in the whole wide world.

    the person my family saw is not at all the person anyone else has ever seen (or will see); nor have i ever even felt like behaving that way around anyone else. they are the only people who ever saw my raw emotions, the only ones who ever saw me angry, and the only ones i have ever had screaming/ horrible/emotional fights with--i am not sure why that is, but that's how it is.

    to ushername--if it was me, and as long as you weren't being bossy or intending to insult or belittle me, i would have no trouble with your being honest, forthright, strongly opinionated, or curt--so hopefully, your infp friend is probably ok with you

    CAVEAT: my least favorite subject is myself, so if you are being those things about ME as the subject, then i might not be ok with it (but it depends, i actually can take criticism pretty well, so long as it is (1) deserved, (2) not mean-spirited, and (3) voiced by someone who has earned the right to criticize me).

    i do disagree with cafe though that your infp would let you know by getting all emo about it. there was a thread about this on infpgc once--people seem to interpret infp troubles online as being how we are in real life (sort of like assuming because an introvert posts a lot, she is a chatterbox in real life).

    online i can have terrible trouble picking up subtext, which makes me sometimes behave nervously and uncomfortably, so that i over react; but in real life i navigate interpersonal relations very smoothly. i never have trouble in real life picking up the subtext correctly--online it is like someone cut out my eyes and poured lead in my ears. i really feel very disabled in this medium. i can see why people might think i am always like i am online, but it is not so.

    i doubt your infp just would tell you either, even if you asked-- at least not verbally--watch her nonverbal reactions, those will tell you best, if anything will, i think.

    PS: i have read the whole thread now and lots of intj's and i am sure i am NOT an intj. the person who sounded the most like me was jivingjeffjones (go figure, heh).

    PPS: toonia is impressive. i can see why substance prefers talking to her :-)
    Good points. A non-family member might not get the full-meal-deal on the INFP emotions. It's disconcerting as the family member sometimes. I forget that they only see one side of my INFP. They don't see her trying to rip her brother's throat out because he looked at her wrong after she had been forced to extrovert all day. :horor:

    Outsiders tend to think that I don't understand or appreciate her and I'm sure I don't understand her completely, though there is a lot to appreciate, but I think that I understand her better than most- sometimes better than I want to. :ouch:
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  9. #59
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Mothers and daughters. The drama never ends. It's a source of considerable shared amusement and bonding for sons and fathers, I can tell you.

  10. #60
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    Mothers and daughters. The drama never ends. It's a source of considerable shared amusement and bonding for sons and fathers, I can tell you.
    At this point it's rarely personal toward me. She just leaks emotions all over the place so much and my Fe absorbs them and I don't like feeling them--I don't like feeling most of my own emotions, but I cannot block her because the bond is so strong. The lower level of emotional leaking is why I find NTs so much more comfortable to be with.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

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