Any advice on how can I put an infp person at ease who is coming to stay at my house and do some work? I'm pretty sure I got off on the wrong foot with him last time he was here... I'm also pretty sure it's my S clashing with his N but I'm also more an sj to his (probably) np.
I spend a lot of time alone and I get nervous having someone staying in my house, especially for days on end. But I really like him and want to be relaxed so we can both have a positive experience and be ourselves. I have a place for him to stay where he's totally private and have given him a lot of free reign to do the jobs in whatever order/fashion he feels is best....gave him flexibility of time to do however many hours feel comfortable to him...But my tension, I'm sure, is palpable.
As an aside, the (Intj) person who first had me tested said he was nearly certain I was not an extravert even though I scored more extravert the first time around. But I'm pretty talkative. Okay, sometimes TOO talkative.
I come from a family of sort of compulsively talkative introverts....Like out of social nervousness we just begin talking just to not be completely silent dorks...hopefully talking about something halfway deep and interesting, but not always. I know for me I didn't want to come off as seeming aloof because I don't usually feel that way inside. Plus I think I spend SO much time alone that when I finally get around someone I like I have a tendency to talk too much.
Sometimes the more nervous I get the more chatty I get, too. It's like I was trying to say what I wanted to say but was too nervous to narrow it down into a concise, cohesive thread. Like now. And it seemed like the more nervous he got (either just because of whatever was in his head or because I was draining him or something else) he got very polite, quiet, and made sort of abstract comments and plays on words. I'm not that great at grasping the abstract (I know. SHOCK) unless I'm relaxed and feel the person won't judge me if I don't get it immediately. If I have a moment to sort of relax, i enjoy more abstract topics. It relaxes me from my overly rigid planning and worrying.
My point is (yes, there is a point), I really like this person and feel we could be friends. And I'd like to have more insight into how to put him at ease so we can begin to feel we can both be ourselves. But he seemed overwhelmed and drained and maybe a bit shut down the last couple times I talked with him. I know it might just be where he's at and may have nothing to do with me. But if it is me, I'd like to be able to meet him halfway and make this a comfortable and creative time for us both. I think we could find alot of common ground, but my attempts to connect the last time he was here seemed almost to make things worse. And we have gotten along the few times we met in the past.
I know this is all over the place....But if any one has advice I could sure use it. Thanks.