I guess it was the emphasis on the 'first date' that generated my concern in this regard. <-In my mind it would be similar to desiring/expecting 'intimate silence' during a job interview...but perhaps this is merely my ignorance. All and all...I wouldn't judge an extrovert's need for silence, quiet, aloneness, etc. on the first few dates with them. But if you're literally only interested in the first date...I would stick to the 'introverted dating pool.'
Well, on one hand, this is about relationships in general, but on the other hand, it's the first date the gives the first impression, so in that sense, my emphasis is on the first date(s).
Originally Posted by Starry
I'm a HSP as well...but I don't quite understand what you're saying here. I'm ok with that though.
I was trying to explain something not knowing if I even can explain it.
I had a crush on a guy in college, and one day he wanted to go for a walk together. I usually walk alone because I listen to music and that's my "private music time" - but I liked him so I agreed. When we got outside he put his headphones on. I was so happy!!!! We started taking walks together listening to our separate headphones. It was so awesome. The coolest thing is , we always had a lot to talk about, but we didn't have to talk. Our favorite thing to do together was for me to visit his room where he would sit and pile samples on top of each other to make electronic music. I'm a lifelong musician (pianist, trained etc) but he was just doing it for the first time electronically, and I loved watching and contributing to his process. We sometimes wouldn't talk much, would just play with samples, laugh etc.. and other times we would have deep conversations. Too bad we were both shy to say we liked each other til years after college. hahaa
And, my longest relationship, 2 years - I lived with this man for the second year, and the first year it was long distance so we would spend chunks of 3-4 days together. We sat in "silence" together a lot, from the start, even before dating. Sometimes we stayed up all night talking about music, but other times, we stayed up all night playing music, or practicing side by side in headphones, or jamming together. When we lived together, we could be on our separate laptops, beside each other on the couch or wherever. I loved being on computer and listening to him practice guitar, and he loved listening to me practice piano & singing too. We lived in a small studio room with no other places to go (no gyms or courtyards or anything) and there were no fights, no problems. I really loved being able to sit in a room comfortably with him without having to interact, and when we did interact it was never "forced" - it was just natural. Both of us really valued our private time, and it was amazing that we were able to engage in our own thing, side by side, without wanting to kill each other .
I don't mind silence - it's usually nonstop talking that annoys the heck out of me . With Fi as my auxiliary function I much prefer the comfortable silence - now if someone was to follow me around and stare at me nonstop ,
and not say a word I would prefer for them to talk.