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  1. #1
    Senior Member LanaBanana's Avatar
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    Default Cold ENFJ or not at all?

    I spent my time thinking I was an ENTJ but it never hit home to me. I read more and I identifie more with the ENFJ personality a lot more, with one excpetion:
    I don't need to have strong intimate relationship with people.
    As a kid I always had friends but I never really liked them, because I had trouble finding kids I really connected with. Only two years ago I could really connect with people (one INTJ and two INFJs), and I appriciate my friendships with them a lot. I do want a relationship, but I can handle it without, and it's defintely not my top prioraty. But I think that even if I didn't really had friends I could get along, because I've already done it and it was okay, meaning I can handle it. Maybe it's because I have such strong relationships with my parents and sisters that I don't have the feeling that I'm alone.
    But wait, when I was in 8th grade and I felt alone, I spent a lot of my time online and I made many many friends online, friends whom I can connect with. Maybe that was my way to connect?
    I don't know. Help?

    P.S. I dated a guy (which I didn't really knew before, but he "stalked" me on facebook and after one time of talking he asked me out) for a really short time and at first I felt like I was really into him and that we could be great together and then he started to pressure me with long term planning and expectations from me on the second/third date and from them I became really emotionless and irritable towards him and was very moody. Am I just young and stupid ENFJ or not ENFJ at all?

  2. #2
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Well the fact that you're a type 3 and an sx last would imply that you would have a difficult time maintaining strong intimate relationships with people. It doesn't matter what MBTI you are, that setup isn't designed to maintain close relationships. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with FeNi. Have you done any reading about Fe versus Te?
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  3. #3
    Senior Member LanaBanana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    Well the fact that you're a type 3 and an sx last would imply that you would have a difficult time maintaining strong intimate relationships with people. It doesn't matter what MBTI you are, that setup isn't designed to maintain close relationships. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with FeNi. Have you done any reading about Fe versus Te?
    Ah, I see. Thank you, it sounds about right! I did some reading, but I'm not sure I'm getting this the right way. Also, English is far from my mother language so even though I'm quite good the reading can be difficult at times!

  4. #4
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LanaBanana View Post
    Ah, I see. Thank you, it sounds about right! I did some reading, but I'm not sure I'm getting this the right way. Also, English is far from my mother language so even though I'm quite good the reading can be difficult at times!
    You're fine!

    Usually ENFJs are all about future planning though, but I can understand why you would be irritated with that so soon. What other types have you considered and why?
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  5. #5
    Senior Member LanaBanana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    You're fine!

    Usually ENFJs are all about future planning though, but I can understand why you would be irritated with that so soon. What other types have you considered and why?
    Actually I always have plans of the future (my mum says I need to get off the clouds and live in the present because my head is a few years ahead!). Hmmm I have considered ENTJ because I don't show much emotion even though I'm warmer than ENTJs. I've considered ENTP because I thought I've got to be using Fe, even if not as a dom or aux. I also though ESTJ but I don't even know why, maybe because ENTJ doesn't sit right with me.

  6. #6
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    My ENFJ bff is extremely personable and had advanced social skills in high school. She is both crudely entertaining and tactful, people love her and when she dislikes anyone she has no hesitation with setting firm boundaries with them (she won't even be friends with my high school ex on Facebook because of the way he posted one time about his ex wife) ...Fe doms in my experience develop people skills early, though they don't necessarily have to be nicey nice (she isn't) they early on have a social leadership quality similar to ESFJs even in high school though may not relate to as many people intellectually or culturally because of having Ni instead of Si...my bestie also knew exactly what she wanted to do with her career in her early twenties and has been doing variations of it ever since. Even in our teens I knew she would grow up to be a business professional, even when others didn't see it.

    Intimacy doesn't have a lot to do with that though. In fact when she was younger she was less comfortable with intense intimacy than I was and didn't have a serious bf as young as I did, though she never had a problem dating or attracting men. That could be enneagram instinct though as some one already mentioned.
    Likes bundleofsunshine liked this post

  7. #7
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    I have trouble approaching others on an intimate level at times, and if it happens, it just happens and I'm not sure how except it starts with an interesting conversation.
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
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    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
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    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

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  8. #8
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Yeah, that definitely sounds sx-last to me, more than it sounds like anything MBTI-related.
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
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    want to ask me something? go for it!

  9. #9
    Senior Member LanaBanana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Yeah, that definitely sounds sx-last to me, more than it sounds like anything MBTI-related.
    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Qwan View Post
    I have trouble approaching others on an intimate level at times, and if it happens, it just happens and I'm not sure how except it starts with an interesting conversation.
    Quote Originally Posted by Marmotini View Post
    My ENFJ bff is extremely personable and had advanced social skills in high school. She is both crudely entertaining and tactful, people love her and when she dislikes anyone she has no hesitation with setting firm boundaries with them (she won't even be friends with my high school ex on Facebook because of the way he posted one time about his ex wife) ...Fe doms in my experience develop people skills early, though they don't necessarily have to be nicey nice (she isn't) they early on have a social leadership quality similar to ESFJs even in high school though may not relate to as many people intellectually or culturally because of having Ni instead of Si...my bestie also knew exactly what she wanted to do with her career in her early twenties and has been doing variations of it ever since. Even in our teens I knew she would grow up to be a business professional, even when others didn't see it.

    Intimacy doesn't have a lot to do with that though. In fact when she was younger she was less comfortable with intense intimacy than I was and didn't have a serious bf as young as I did, though she never had a problem dating or attracting men. That could be enneagram instinct though as some one already mentioned.
    Thank you all so much. After a thinking and noticing my bahavior I noticed I'm probably an ENTJ, but it was interesting to read nonetheless!

  10. #10
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LanaBanana View Post
    Thank you all so much. After a thinking and noticing my bahavior I noticed I'm probably an ENTJ, but it was interesting to read nonetheless!
    That was a quick reversal -- what made you change your mind?
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
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    want to ask me something? go for it!

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