[ENFP] Spent and exhausted, but still seeking help.

[Avocado]

No matter how nice I am to people, I get negative feedback from people who tell me "you're lazy" and "you got your head in your ass" and "you gotta be the most amoral jackass I've ever met!"

More diplomatic people tell me I just need to "pay more attention to what is around you and multi-task better."

My problem has been that I am either at a point of 'zero-focus,' where I am completely blank and just exist, or I hyperfocus on one detail of one task to the point everything fails. I've gotten to the point that I edgily push people people away and I only want to be alone all the time. I am finding interacting with others to be very quickly draining. I just want to say to hell with helping people, I just want to watch the world burn. I still need to sustain myself though, no matter how miserable and unhappy I am, so I'm asking for help to boost my performance and maybe scrape together some cash to at least help myself and perform a random act of kindness to the occasional passer-by. I still have a heart, you know?

 

[Avocado]

I know…nobody cares…

 

[PeaceBaby]

No matter how nice I am to people, I get negative feedback from people who tell me "you're lazy" and "you got your head in your ass" and "you gotta be the most amoral jackass I've ever met!"

Those things do not fit together. Nice ≠ Lazy. iow, being nice isn't going to make up for being lazy or make anyone think you aren't lazy. And people say those quotes to you directly?

More diplomatic people tell me I just need to "pay more attention to what is around you and multi-task better."

And how do you feel about that and respond to that? Do you agree? Do you think you are lazy?

 

[Avocado]

Those things do not fit together. Nice ≠ Lazy. iow, being nice isn't going to make up for being lazy or make anyone think you aren't lazy. And people say those quotes to you directly?



And how do you feel about that and respond to that? Do you agree? Do you think you are lazy?

No, I look for things to do to impress people. I just am bad about overlooking things that need done. Bring them to my attention and I'll get right to it, though. I sometimes feel lazy because I don't really ever feel like doing much, but I'll do it to make somebody happy. It might also relate to the way I assess a situation before I act, but I'm not sure.

Yes, those are direct quotes.

 

[Tellenbach]

A symptom of niacin deficiency is poor concentration. I'm not saying that's the problem but it can't hurt to try boosting your niacin levels for a month or two. Warning: use the instant release kind, not the extended release version (I recall reading some dangerous complications with the ER version.). I'm currently taking 2 grams a day (along with lots of vitamin C) and my mental energy has definitely improved. It's like a fog (not a heavy fog) has lifted. Oh, if you haven't taken niacin before, it does cause what's called the "niacin flush" which means the skin on your entire body will turn red and you may experience some itching for about 25 minutes. After using niacin for several days, the intensity of the flush diminishes. I don't get it anymore with a 500 mg dose.

 

[Eilonwy]

A symptom of niacin deficiency is poor concentration. I'm not saying that's the problem but it can't hurt to try boosting your niacin levels for a month or two. Warning: use the instant release kind, not the extended release version (I recall reading some dangerous complications with the ER version.). I'm currently taking 2 grams a day (along with lots of vitamin C) and my mental energy has definitely improved. It's like a fog (not a heavy fog) has lifted. Oh, if you haven't taken niacin before, it does cause what's called the "niacin flush" which means the skin on your entire body will turn red and you may experience some itching for about 25 minutes. After using niacin for several days, the intensity of the flush diminishes. I don't get it anymore with a 500 mg dose.

Be careful with high doses of niacin. Some people can't tolerate the high dose and end up with liver damage. It does help with poor concentration, but I would talk to a doctor before starting it.

 

[kyuuei]

No matter how nice I am to people, I get negative feedback from people who tell me "you're lazy" and "you got your head in your ass" and "you gotta be the most amoral jackass I've ever met!"

If you think you're nice, but people are telling you you are not.. there's clearly a breakdown in who you want to be versus who you are letting others believe you are based on your actions. And laziness has a lot to do with that--but it does not have to do with being nice. My sister is nice, but she's also super lazy and inconsiderate as a result of that laziness.

My problem has been that I am either at a point of 'zero-focus,' where I am completely blank and just exist, or I hyperfocus on one detail of one task to the point everything fails. I've gotten to the point that I edgily push people people away and I only want to be alone all the time. I am finding interacting with others to be very quickly draining. I just want to say to hell with helping people, I just want to watch the world burn. I still need to sustain myself though, no matter how miserable and unhappy I am, so I'm asking for help to boost my performance and maybe scrape together some cash to at least help myself and perform a random act of kindness to the occasional passer-by. I still have a heart, you know?

This is really vague.. so I don't know what you're not focusing on and who is telling you these things. But I'll give you a small example to base things on.. When I'm living with others, I tend to at least rinse off my dishes and place them in the dishwasher so that I am not contributing to them going extra work when it drives them bananas. It is integrated into my eating routine, so much so that I do not eat without also washing the dish afterwards in another person's home. In my own home, sure I'll wait till I have a pile and wash them. But otherwise no. It's a small step that helps others. Maybe I don't multitask the way they want me to, but if I notice the trash is full--I just take it out. If I notice something is dirty, I clean it when and if I can. I always clean things I dirty up though.

You're burning yourself out.. and then getting so isolated that you rush to burn out again. You need to scale yourself back. You need to moderate yourself. Meditate, go on walks, analyze a situation, write, pray.. whatever you need to do to focus yourself. Don't keep doing the things that are giving you hyperfocus. You're feeding the beast. Do not just allow yourself to stare blankly into space and not move at all. You're just adding fuel to the fire for hyper focusing. You need to identify when you are getting closer to these times, what is triggering them, and see what you can do to redirect that energy or muster up energy to something useful to yourself and viable for others around you.

No, I look for things to do to impress people. I just am bad about overlooking things that need done. Bring them to my attention and I'll get right to it, though. I sometimes feel lazy because I don't really ever feel like doing much, but I'll do it to make somebody happy. It might also relate to the way I assess a situation before I act, but I'm not sure.

Yes, those are direct quotes.

Ehm... I'm assuming you're still really young.. and this is pretty common of young people. But what you need is a different motivation. If you're constantly seeking approval from others, trying to impress them--you won't get far and you'll burn out. Successes in impressing others may sustain you for a while.. but mostly you'll just feel like you're working very hard for no reward. Instead, look within yourself for the sources. Maybe you want to be a considerate person--in which case, you can simply find ways to be considerate to others you live with or work with by googling things and taking active steps to implement them. If you want to be a good roommate and that's something you want to be part of you, then look up the things people think are great in roommates and try them out.

But think about the last time you were TRULY impressed by someone--enough to tell them out loud. It isn't too often, right? You're seeking validation in a way that isn't normally given in the day-to-day channels.. people cannot be impressed on a daily basis. That sort of emotion is moved for the extraordinary. So taking out the trash everyday is not going to give you the satisfaction you're looking for.. but being told at the end of 6 months "Man you were a great roommate." might. You need a motivator that helps you identify concrete actions to adjust to compliment a new way of thinking.

 

[Avocado]

If you think you're nice, but people are telling you you are not.. there's clearly a breakdown in who you want to be versus who you are letting others believe you are based on your actions. And laziness has a lot to do with that--but it does not have to do with being nice. My sister is nice, but she's also super lazy and inconsiderate as a result of that laziness.



This is really vague.. so I don't know what you're not focusing on and who is telling you these things. But I'll give you a small example to base things on.. When I'm living with others, I tend to at least rinse off my dishes and place them in the dishwasher so that I am not contributing to them going extra work when it drives them bananas. It is integrated into my eating routine, so much so that I do not eat without also washing the dish afterwards in another person's home. In my own home, sure I'll wait till I have a pile and wash them. But otherwise no. It's a small step that helps others. Maybe I don't multitask the way they want me to, but if I notice the trash is full--I just take it out. If I notice something is dirty, I clean it when and if I can. I always clean things I dirty up though.

You're burning yourself out.. and then getting so isolated that you rush to burn out again. You need to scale yourself back. You need to moderate yourself. Meditate, go on walks, analyze a situation, write, pray.. whatever you need to do to focus yourself. Don't keep doing the things that are giving you hyperfocus. You're feeding the beast. Do not just allow yourself to stare blankly into space and not move at all. You're just adding fuel to the fire for hyper focusing. You need to identify when you are getting closer to these times, what is triggering them, and see what you can do to redirect that energy or muster up energy to something useful to yourself and viable for others around you.



Ehm... I'm assuming you're still really young.. and this is pretty common of young people. But what you need is a different motivation. If you're constantly seeking approval from others, trying to impress them--you won't get far and you'll burn out. Successes in impressing others may sustain you for a while.. but mostly you'll just feel like you're working very hard for no reward. Instead, look within yourself for the sources. Maybe you want to be a considerate person--in which case, you can simply find ways to be considerate to others you live with or work with by googling things and taking active steps to implement them. If you want to be a good roommate and that's something you want to be part of you, then look up the things people think are great in roommates and try them out.

But think about the last time you were TRULY impressed by someone--enough to tell them out loud. It isn't too often, right? You're seeking validation in a way that isn't normally given in the day-to-day channels.. people cannot be impressed on a daily basis. That sort of emotion is moved for the extraordinary. So taking out the trash everyday is not going to give you the satisfaction you're looking for.. but being told at the end of 6 months "Man you were a great roommate." might. You need a motivator that helps you identify concrete actions to adjust to compliment a new way of thinking.

I understand now. Hyper-focus either occurs when I am very interested in somebody/something or if I see a particular task as super important. The tip now that I need is finding motivators. The suggestion for niacin is something I will consider.

 

[kyuuei]

I understand now. Hyper-focus either occurs when I am very interested in somebody/something or if I see a particular task as super important. The tip now that I need is finding motivators. The suggestion for niacin is something I will consider.

Fwiw, daily multivitamins usually contain the stuff, so if you take a decent multi you'll be covered on most of your bases. Keeping in mind the best multis are usually horse pills.

 

[Avocado]

Fwiw, daily multivitamins usually contain the stuff, so if you take a decent multi you'll be covered on most of your bases. Keeping in mind the best multis are usually horse pills.

Thank you.