Ones I'm sure of
Mum - INFJ
Younger Sister - ISFP
Dad - INTP
Older Sister - ISTP (somewhere in that region)
Last edited by BlueScreen; 12-14-2008 at 05:05 PM.
Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.
It may not be that they just "do what they have to do" because they haven't thought about it in depth. It may actually be that they've just decided that the easiest way to get to the fun parts in life is to focus on getting the dreary stuff done first. I do believe, as many people probably believe, that the most worthwhile goal in life is to find happiness. Sometimes, though, I do put myself into situations that I know will make me unhappy (which I'm sure you also do). I won't be all smiles, but I'll be looking at the long-term goal of happiness. The point where this becomes excessive and self-defeating is when you spend too much time in the "enduring unhappiness" state, and never really get to the "happiness" state. Lots of people lose sight of that if they don't keep their eyes open, and remember to put things into perspective.
Good point. I can't really say that it went like that in my family. I think that they were living in some sort of motivational vacuum that had resulted from some hard knocks that took away "the dream". There was nothing left but work and surviving. There was no happiness waiting after the unhappy endurance. It felt like resignation.
Originally Posted by Cimarron
Probably what's most frustrating is when they make you abide by that same mindset...I can understand why that'd be stifling. But in that case, it's still usually the "mothering" instinct for SJs. They care about you, and want you to be happy. Since they've found a way that they're sure will make them happy, they want to share it with you, so that you may have a way of finding happiness, too.
Is it hard for SJs to actually say this? I mean, it would have been quite ok if my dad would have come to me and said:
"See, this is how I have thought I can be happy. I work now in this place and do this and this and it results in happiness in five years"
I would have understood the motivation and the plan this way. Now, the way it went, there was only
1) The example he was giving.
2) The criticism of what I did wrong.
This kind of teaching doesn't really work too well for me...
My mum is an INTJ, my stepdad an ESTJ, my brother an INTP and my real dad an ISFJ.
I have lived away from my family and abroad for several years so I don't see them that often, so I am trying to remember how we got along.
My mum is like my best friend, I have always gotten along great with her, my stepdad was more of a problem, he just had this whole ESTJ "rules + appearance + no imagination" thing going on so we clashed quite a bit. But since I have gotten older and we don't see each other that often we are much more able to talk like grown-ups and get along.
My INTP brother is a slacker who has great ideas and a lot of knowledge but can't really get his life together. Although I am the younger one I have achieved and seen much more in my life than he has so I sometimes just don't know how to deal with him, I almost feel like I have to drag him along, a characteristic that I can't stand in a guy.
Because of my stepdad and my brother I am really wary of ESTJs and INTPs, I just haven't made the best experiences with them.
My real dad is a gem, we don't understand each other intellctually but emotionally, he is one of the most giving and caring people I know. Me and my real dad tend to be the peacemakers in the family, we are the only ones who are still on speaking-terms with everyone in the family (while my mum and my brother don't speak to each other, my ESTJ gran and ESTJ stepdad, my stepdad and my brother etc.)
some sort of motivational vacuum that had resulted from some hard knocks that took away "the dream". There was nothing left but work and surviving. There was no happiness waiting after the unhappy endurance. It felt like resignation.
Sometimes it is resignation. Sometimes life tramples all over a person.
Originally Posted by nolla
Is it hard for SJs to actually say this?
I don't know. I'm trying to find the underlying motivations for why I do what I do. It's not obvious, because it may become so automatic that one doesn't even think about it. And the criticism is a pessimistic version of the desire to help (I think). Though sometimes criticism can just be an attack to relieve one's own stress.
And the criticism is a pessimistic version of the desire to help (I think). Though sometimes criticism can just be an attack to relieve one's own stress.
Yeah, it was like trying to help. But for me it just doesn't work if I am told that this is a bad idea without going a bit further and explaining why it is a bad idea and why I couldn't be happy that way.
I remember when I was considering if I could make a career in an area that was not considered "respectable". My dad went on for days about how it is a shitty job. He just gave concrete examples about all the shit I will have to endure there. I was like, no it isn't about that, it is about helping people and stuff... I could never get him to talk about the motivation of the job. It seemed like to him the only motivation for work was money and respect. In case he wanted to really turn me over to his viewpoint, he should have talked about how it eventually isn't helping people or how it is bad for my mental health.
dad- ISTJ 1w2
mum- ISFP 9w1
sis - ESTJ 8w9
me INFJ 4w5
and my extended family members are mainly SPs, SJs.
I too, was the only NF in my family. And enneagramically speaking, the only one in the feeling triad. Everyone else shared the body triad. There was a certain focus on concreteness and practicality within my original family structure which made me stick out like a sore thumb. When I lived with them, everything about me was so peculiar to them - the way I dressed, spoke, carried myself, the things I valued, personal tastes...let's just say I was made fun of quite often. Everything I did, was deemed "dramatic and soft." I didn't have a reprieve from that because my surrounding community was also very SJ, SP based. I had to fight to validate myself and my reason for existence within my family structure. It's only then, they took me seriously. That experience taught me I would always have to fight to exist in an STJ/P world. It's too bloody exhausting. I knew it was something I couldn't do and still be me. That's why I've opted out in many ways and I'm still finding more so I can live a completely independent life.
I'm thinking the cosmos gives a NF to families to help balance them out. Sucks for us but good for them. My family is mom ESTP, Bro ENTJ, and Sis ENFJ. With me as INFP, the conversations always lead nowhere for any of us. I try to get them to understand each other, especially me, but with little success. They think I'm in LA-LA land, which is ironic sice we used to live near L.A. but I keep telling them, I'm not trying to be in LA-LA land, I'm actually there, and I want them to join me, which drives them crazy.
My dad is an ISTP and my mom is an ENFP. They are separated, so I swap between visiting them.
I feel kinda awkward in my dad's house, he got remarried to a very unhealthy ESTJ. She and I don't get along at all.
I personally am cool with being the only NF (aside from my mom and her twin, an INFP). Besides that it's all S types, with one cousin an INTJ. If I had to choose who to live with out of all of the classifications it would be SP, so I am fine with my dad and family.