has anyone noticed the pattern that a ESFJ and ISTJ parent are making INFJ children?
No, I'm an ENFJ. I'm not the most extroverted person in the world but I'm working on changing that. I thought it was really interesting that tennis and I have almost the same situation going on. How different could INFJ's and ENFJ's really be though?
"... you think deeply about stuff [that] nobody cares about and hardly anybody can understand you." ~ Peguy talking about Ni users. So true.
looks like we're actually rather balanced, since my feeling v. thinking preference is about 55% to 45%, which puts me fairly close to being a Rationalist. ironically, i usually only have trouble with my older brother; he acts more like an unhealthy ESTP. anyway, is living with an ESFJ really that intolerable? i suppose i am just lucky that my father never put great pressure on me to conform to existing social standards. in fact, i see how hard he works to please us, so I want to be a "better" son for him. Perhaps if he were an ESTJ, this would be a completely different story.
I have an ESTJ dad, and he's much the same way as you describe your ESFJ. Although SJ types clash pretty easily with NFs, it seems, healthy, open-minded individuals of both types can get along just fine.
And my brother is an INFP, (so I'm not the only one!) and I think he has it a little harder than me, but he seems to cope fairly well. An IsFP mother helps, too.
Another lone NF here. It can get really taxing at times.
I have 2 SJ's and an NT in my family.
ISTJ mom & INTP dad. I'm INFP and my little brother is an ESTJ.
I can relate on the issue with SJs. It can be really bad at worst. Careers? I'm planning to become a researcher. I love researching stuff and just throwing myself into the process.
But the funny thing is that I've gotten along with the SJ's (especially little brother) really well and never fought with mom or brother. She's tried to teach me the SJ habits and believes all my life, but had to give up when I simply didn't understand them. That's normally the main problem: they don't understand where I'm coming from and I don't get where their coming from. But I love how perseptive those two are. I don't need to say it aloud how much I lurve them and when I try they laugh at my face that "yea, we know. Why are you even thinking about that? Stupid." They're really nice, but everyday life is usually really taxing because of all the rules that they have, keeping up the appearances, not wearing this during this time or not saying that during that thing and me always seeming to do things the wrong way in their eyes. But we've gotten along in a pretty harmonious way without real conflicts, only the everyday rumbles. I haven't really allowed neither to have a big controlling position over me and have learned how to brush the comments off. It does hurt though.
Now.. My INTP dad. Sigh. My INTP dad is pretty immature thinker and I tend to be a bit of a strong character, so fights are common. The type that last for months, very bloody, grudge held for years, all that jazz. I'd be willing to forgive and live on, but he isn't. And I refuse to submit to his views. His fiery temperament and need to criticize things isn't helping me a bit. Like mom says: We're too similar, but yet too different to get along.
Last time I checked he viewed me as an unempathetic and cruel person. Which is strange considering that he confides his fears to me (in his childlike manner) and not to mom, which I never use against him. I don't punch under the belt like him.
He's got his good points, the childlike emotions are charming, he understands when I get completely agitated because of some of mom's comments and he understands my need for own space and time. But normally it's a catastrophe, the F side seems like a mystery to him.
I've always seemed to be the odd one in the family. The emotional one, who doesn't obey the rules of rationality in their eyes. And does weird things for weird reasons. Mom's always said I think too much and feel too much, I should toughen up. But that seems to be the case for most NF's.
I'm an INFJ, mom is ISFJ, dad is INTJ. My mom is the bigger problem. I won't rant about the many little problems she causes for me. She's the most close-minded person I know, though. She grew up learning things from her parents, and now she tries to impose those ideas on me without giving me a say in it. She thinks that the only worthwhile career is medicine, and she doesn't listen when I tell her otherwise with good reasons. She's also a drama queen.
My dad is alright, but he's rational to the extreme. He's more into the 'logical' career choice, the one which'll give me money and security. He makes his decisions based on his T values, but when I bring F into the discussion and tell him that it's more important for me to find a fulfilling career than one that'll logically be the safest and more rewarding, he doesn't understand.
in terms if variety i beat you all . here's my family:
baby sister: ISTP
i'm an ENFP. if we break the types up into the 4 temperaments, we have one of each in the family :O. as an ENFP i can get along with SP types because we both like to have fun (all the time pretty much). NT's intrigue me because i love theorizing, discussing etc. and NT's are great for that. it's easy enough for me to relate to other NF's too of course, i'm one myself. the SJ's? the freaking guardians? good god it annoys the SHIT outa me. blind norm following, will only listen to facts, imposing on others, duty before pleasure... it just completely crashes with my character. i can sorta get along with them, but we'll never click. guess this is all good to know, and i'm glad i'm not the only one.
I am the only NF in my family and probably the only N
Once I started coming into my own and blossoming in my N-ness
it caused a major earhtquake in my family relationships
I would hear my mother say - You've changed
and that my sisters all said the same and this change was apparently not a good thing
It wasn't that I changed at all- only that I started speaking out and started coming into my own that was always there but always hidden- I started feeling liberated and realized hey- I have my own opinions and am my own person
It was really hard for my mother as she didn't know how to relate to me after that and I with her
I believed in my mother 100 percent but didn't necessarily believe what she believed 100 percent
My loyalty and closeness to my mother took precedence over anything else though until one day it didn't and I started branching off and started becoming independent and my own person
she is an ISFP and I am an INFJ
things are getting better but I fear that they will never be the same
it is harder to communicate with her and she takes offense that I don't believe and follow every thought and belief that she does- I think her indentity is validated by my following of her- I march to the beat of my own drum and that drum disagrees a lot now with her melody
In a way we have to re-get-to-know each other all over again
I am not close to my sisters as they are all way older then me and are more like estranged aunts so I really don't give a crap of any rifts that may be there I am sad to say
my sisters are ESFJ, ISFP, and ISTP or ISTJ
My birth father from what my mother has told me sounds like an INFJ as well- a very dark and messed up one but one nonetheless,lol.
All three members of my family, my sister, I and my father, are all INFPs and I love it that way!!
Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?
I'm also the only NF in my family. Actually I'm the only N and the only I, which is particularly unbearable since I'm very introverted. None of them understand or respect my need for privacy and time alone and see it as a flaw instead of a personal preference.
Considering that my father is an ESTJ we actually get along pretty well, but honestly we don't spend a lot of time together. Whenever we do he pretty much just asks me about school - even during the summer - or tells me stuff that happened to him at work.
My mother is an ESFJ and I relate to a lot of the things other posters have said about their ESFJ mothers (the guiltful manipulation, the martyrdom, the endless list of things to do, the unreasonably high standards, etc). We actually do get along most of the time, but it's also not uncommon for us to get into little fights. A lot of our interaction is composed of her rambling on for incredibly long periods of time about nothing while I quietly listen (and hold back the urge to tell her to stop talking for 5 seconds).
My brother is an ESTP and we don't get along at all. He's very selfish, immature, and often just plain nasty and disrespectful. Plus he loves to entertain himself by annoying the shit out of me. The kicker is that my mom gets mad at me for never wanting to spend time with him. Who would want to?
I guess I've always been the odd one out, but I've always been a loner who's preferred taking care of myself anyway so I guess it's not as big a deal for me to not be so close with my family.